How he cozened a rich Usurer, and a young Tradesman.

Being resolved to go and look out some of my Consorts to rejoyce together for my good successe in my advantagious revenge, I met with an old comrade that had lately heav’d a Booth, Anglice broken open a Shop, who told me he had a quantity of good comodities, and desired me to put them off for him, knowing that I dealt in Brokeage in goods indirectly come by: I promised him I would. The next day he delivered what he had into my hands, I instantly carried them to an old Usurer that would grasp at any thing, telling him I only desired to Mort-gage them for such a time, requesting to lend me fifty pounds thereon. He looking upon them to be thrice the value of that sum, lent me freely the quantity of mony propounded, and in my sight took the Goods and laid them in a place next his Bed-chamber. The same day I met with this friend, who demanded of me whether I had done his businesse? No, not yet (said I) it will be to morrow first: However let us drink a glass of wine, which he readily consented to. Having drank pretty smartly, he could not contain himself (so powerful are the operations of Wine, as it frequently makes a man divulge that which carrieth in it inevitable ruine) I say he told me whose Shop it was he robb’d, and at what time. I seem’d to take little notice then, though I intended to make good use of it. Parting with him, I went straightway to the person rob’d, and told him that accidentally I was inform’d of his late losse, and that my intent of coming was out of a principle of honesty, to assist him in the recovery of what was stollen from him. But before I acquainted him with any thing, I required of him a Bond of 10 l. if I helpt him to his Goods; which he granted me. I advised him to get the Lord Chief Justices Warrant, which he did, and taking some friends with him, I directed them where they should go, and in what place they should find them. He would have had me gone with him, but that I excused my self, alledging it would be inconvenient. Taking a Constable with them, they went & found what they sought for according to my direction, which they seiz’d, leaving the old man to condole his losse, which had been no great matter, had not his life lain in his Purse.

Having thus carried on my mischievous contrivances with continued impunity; the next I fell on was a young Merchant, to whom I went gentily habited, with a foot-boy waiting at my heels. I lookt out several Commodities, and laid them aside, assuring him that I would e’re long lay out a considerable parcel of money with him. We discours’d upon the price, and in the conclusion closed. The next day I appointed the Goods to be sent home to my House, and in the interim desired him to go along with me, and accept of what poor accommodation my habitation would afford him, under the pretence of being better acquainted, but my design was to raise in him a good opinion of me, for I had one room (especially) very richly hung with costly Furniture. My motion was entertained, and away we went, where I treated him nobly; the next day the Commodities were sent in with his Servant, who expected his money, but I pretended that my Cashier was abroad, and so desired him to call the next morning; he did, but then I was not to be spoken with. Thus he did so often till the young man was weary. At last the Master himself came, who met me just as I was going out; who had not the patience to ask for his money, but presently railed most bitterly, calling me cheat, knave, &c. and that he would not put himself to the trouble of polling me up, but would have a Warrant for me instantly.

Being gone, I was as nimble as himself, having a couple of my Emissaries ready for him against his return. It was not long before he came strutting with a Constable. Perceiving him coming, I sent my two friends out with their Warrant, and putting it into the Constables hand, charged him in the Kings name to execute it upon such a one, meaning the Merchant; who dared not deny it, but carried him before a Justice, before whom my two Rogues swore flat felony, and so was committed. Sending for friends, they advised him to make an end thereof. Whereupon I was much solicited; and upon consideration I consented to cause my friends to forbear prosecution.

As yet I have not fully unbowell’d the huge bulk of my villany, that hath proved so burdensome to the world, and destructive to so many Families; wherefore give me leave a little farther to anatomize my own vicious nature, and I shall so lay open the Ulcers and Sores of my Impostumed Machinations, apparent to the sight of every one, that the most Ospray and Owl-eyed spectator shall confesse there never was a more necessary and commodious discovery revealed.

Brother, said I, for so I must call you now, your flagitious deeds claiming that title, and must be compell’d I see to give you superiority, the upper-hand, for I am confident the line of other mens inventions never sounded the Sea of a more deep and dreadful mischief. When I consider how powerful and imperious vice is of late grown; and what horrid facts are committed every where by licentious and wicked men that swarm in all places: I admire that the Fabrick of the Earth is not continually palsyed by Earth-quakes, since there is a Creator above that oversees such actions. That the Earth her self (though an indulgent Mother) doth not receive into her Womb her off-spring, and therein for shame hide them: that the air is not choaked with Froggs, and that black pitchy mists do not perpetually masque the face of Heaven, and leave the world in obscurity; and that the Sun doth not hide his face from seeing such enormous crimes, blacker than is the Eclipse of his countenance: and lastly, that the Sea is not turned to blood to put us in mind of the cruel and remorselesse usages of one another; our kindnesse being commonly attended with discourtesies of a Vermilion hue. Thus Brother you see I am sensible of my miscarriages, but want the power to regulate my life. I would have proceeded, but that I found this discourse grated in his ears; wherefore I desired him to prosecute his story, which he did in this manner.