He discovers the subtlety of some Citizens he had to do withal by Broking for them, relating his own craft and cunning; and what the consequent was, the ruine of young Gentlemen.

Like an Hawk as I told you, I flew at all Game, not confining my self to any one thing particularly: where I could abuse the Law, I did; and if I had an opportunity to Trepan, I seldome failed, &c. Some part of my time I spent in the enquiry of what young Heirs were arrived, into whose society I was sure by one means or other to insinuate my self. These Country Wood-cocks I knew how to catch with a City Spring; whom I very well understood, had rather be out of the world than out of the fashion, who would be brave for the present time, though their Gallantry cost them all their future Fortunes. I commonly laid my plot thus: Sir, you undervalue your self by the meanness of your Habit, it being so unsuitable to your quality: if you want money, you cannot want credit, having a fair promising estate in reversion; if you are willing, I will find you out a believing Mercer. Returning me many thanks, it may be he would be in such hast as to send me presently. He could not be so eager to have his gaudy desires satisfied, as I forward to accomplish them. I knew where to go readily to one, with whom I went snips; in so saying, I would not have any think I throw dirt upon that noble profession. If I discover the fraud of any particular person, as long as I name him not, I do him no wrong; but if I detect by what deceitful and sinister means he worketh upon the infirmity of the youth of a green-witted Gallant, it may serve for an use of instruction. In the most famous Universities there are some Dunces resident, that by disgracing themselves, disgrace also their fellow Students. In the most virtuous Courts there will be some Parasites. So in the most goodly and glorious City under Heavens Canopy, there are some Asps lurking, that sting the reputation of their Brethren by their poysonous and corrupt dealings. There are knaves in all Trades but Book-selling.

But to my purpose: a young Gentleman coming out of Norfolk to see the City, and finding so many (beneath him in estate) gallant it so much above him, he grew very melancholy: hapning to be in his company, and indifferently well acquainted with him, I askt him the cause of his sadness? after I had prest him very much, he ingeniously confest the true original of his pensiveness. Pish, said I, is that all? let me alone to effect what you desire; neither shall you wait longer than the morrow. Leaving my Gentleman, away I went to a person fit for my purpose, and gave him an account of my business: glad he was, thankt me for my pains, promising me a reward, and would needs have me to a Tavern to consult this affair. Having concluded every thing, I repaired the next day to my Gentleman, who over-joyed to see me was impatient to know whether his wishes were consummated. Come along with me, said I, and we will try what we can do. I have bin very importunate with the Mercer, but as yet I cannot mollifie him; it may be your presence may do much. Finding him in the shop, I called him aside, and told him this was the Gentleman. My young Gentleman, that would be a Gallant presently, fell aboard him, and (with much fervencie and protestations) he woo’d the Mercer to credit him for 30 l. worth of Commodities. I call’d him aside, saying, What will 30 l. worth do? take up 100 l. worth; and what you use not, I’ll dispose by sale, to furnish your Pockets with money. He thankt me kindly for my advice, and returned to the Mercer, who askt him, If he should credit him with so much, what security would he propound? This struck my young Gentleman as mute as a Cods-head. The Mercer perceiving he had nothing to say, plaid the Rope-maker, being extreme backward to trust him: Bonds he refused, Judgements he would not hear of, Statutes he scorned: for, said he, Gentlemen of late have found out so many tricks to cozen their Creditors, (I by the same means having had several Collops cut from the body of my estate) that I will not credit any more: whereas he spake this only to grinde the blunt appetite of my Commodity-taker into a sharper edge, and make him more greedy of his own ruine; imitating in this a cunning and deceitful, though petulant and wanton Curtezan, who is nice when a sick-brain’d young Gallant importunes her to admit of his amorous kindness, only to make him more fierce upon his own confusion: holding him off like a Fencer, a month or two, that he may come up the more roundly to her purpose. But to the matter. My Gentleman being as it were denied, I seconded him thus: Sir, you know not what you do in refusing to credit this Gentleman; he is his fathers heir, a man of a vast estate, and very aged: This his son is about a very great Match, a rich heiress; and though he hath not money for the present, yet let him have an hundred pounds worth of Commodities, you need not doubt your payment; and it will do him at this present a thousand pounds worth of good. The Mercer began to hearken to this, and protested to my Green-goose that he would be glad to do any a pleasure, so as not to injure himself; that if he could but possess him with a belief that he should have his money in six months, he would freely let him have 100 l. worth of what he pleased. The yong Gentleman protested it, and I warranted it; and the Mercer (though seemingly loth) condescended, upon this Proviso still, that he should procure some man else to be bound with him, as good as himself: for, said he, we are all mortal, and not having a lease of our lives, we may die before to-morrow; where then is my 100 l.? Signior Unthrift is once more put to his non-plus; but at length he fell to intreat me to do it, who would not by any means; and so we parted. He would not let me rest for two or three days together; so that at last, provided he would give me 10 l. I agreed; and so we went again to the Mercer, and entring into Bonds, we had the Commodities. Having made my yong Gentleman an absolute Gallant, I went to sell what was left, of which I made 40 l. but I made my Gallant to be contented with 30. alledging, that when goods came once to be sold, they will not yeild the moiety of what they cost, though new: and out of that 30l. I had my 10 l. for suretyship. Thus I perswaded him to be very well satisfied. He revels about, whilst I was contriving to leave him as bare of means as brains. Now doth my Mercer dream of nothing but his pay-day, which he hoped would be broken. The time being expired, and my young Novice not minding it, the Mercer invited him to a dinner in Fish-street. Dinner being almost ended, for a third course came up a couple of Sergeants stewed with Mace, who arrested him at the suit of the founder of the feast. Not procuring Bail, he was carried to the Counter, where he lay some time. His friends hearing of it, endeavour’d to get him out, by suing out an Audita querela. My Mercer hearing of that, advised with me what was best to be done. Agree, said I, with some Officer in the Exchequer, and turn the debt over to the King, pretending you owe him so much money: for the Chancery will not or cannot allow any thing in such a case against his Majesty. He so doing, did his business for the present. Thus have I read, when Jews have bought a red-hair’d boy, at first they cloath him in silks, ravishing him with all the delights that can be thought on, never have Musick from his ears, or Banquets from his taste; and thus use him, till they see he is plump, fat, & fit for their purpose: but when the poor boy least thinks of his imminent ruine, he is taken by a brace of slaves, and tyed up by the heels, so beaten by degrees to death with Cudgels, purging the rankest poyson out of his mouth, and making Mumy of his flesh. I shall leave it to the Reader to make application. In short, I perswaded the Mercer to take a Bond of 500l. of his prisoner, to be paid after his fathers decease. This Widgeon being in the nets, sealed to any thing for his liberty. He was not the first so served, by thousands: and that is the reason there are so many Crested Citizens: for Gentlemen being begger’d by their Extortion, they have no other means then to fall in with their wives, purchasing from them a supply. This is it that makes the road every where so full of High-way-men, who will borrow of men when they have little minde to lend, but not without giving them Bonds. This makes Tyburn the Metropolitan, and other petty Gallowses, have so many hangers on; and this is the cause so many such Citizens sons are plagued after their fathers deaths, as their fathers when living have plagued others. These are the Boars that plow up whole acres, nay fields of Gentlemens lands with their snouts: these are the Swine that eat up whole Orchards; and these are they, whose fiery consciences drink up whole Fishponds at a draught; and lastly, they are the Hurricanes that root up the trees of whole Woods together. From such libera nos Domine.

To conclude, take this as an infallible Maxime, that the worst of Creditors are either very rich, or very poor men. The rich man can stay for his money, and so will have all or none; the poor will have no pity, nor indeed can he, since the debt may be all he is worth.