“As scary as it was being raised by one Jewish mother, I have to feel for my kids because they have two Jewish mothers.”

“Comedy is all about having a point of view, and it's also about power.”

“Comedy is the most palliative way to make a point. People are more willing to listen if they can laugh.”

“Female comics cannot dress provocatively on stage.”

“For me, humor is everything!”

“Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative.”

“I always dreamed of living in N.Y.C.”

“I didn't want to be known as a gay comic, but as a comic who happens to be gay.”

“I do believe that it's something that we don't talk about, but when there are clearly defined gender roles, it is much simpler. Because you don't have to think, which people apparently don't like to do.”

“I have decided now that my mother should be the GPS woman, don't you think? That would be fantastic: 'Make a left in 11 miles. Get over now - I want you to be prepared. Turn right on Elm Street, I want to see if Myrna Rosenblatt is still alive. Make your second left by the Dairy Queen. Don't go in, they're anti-Semitic.'”

“I live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I live in a 950-square-foot apartment with one bathroom and two sons.”

“I love being a Givenik Ambassador. Not only does it give me a platform to discuss my favorite charities, but I get to talk about my other favorite topic - 'The Judy Show!'”

“I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners.”

“I realize as I get older that stand-up is a huge part of who I am. I think I'll do it for the rest of my life.”

“I started taking all these cooking classes. I learned a lot in them, but you think you're going to retain it, and you don't. Under the pressure, it's hard to retain everything.”

“I try to win the love and approval of strangers, since it didn't work with my family.”

“I worked at Military Media, an advertising agency for military-base newspapers. Don't ask, I won't tell.”

“I would love to get married, first of all, from my children's perspective. People don't think of children when they think of gay marriage, but I do have children, and for them to see their family validated as other families are validated and protected by our government, yes.”

“If I was married to a man, and I had the same life situation that I have, it's the perfect recipe for a sitcom.”

“If I wasn't true to myself, I couldn't live with myself.”

“I'm going to be a 'Chopped' champion.”

“I'm not selfish at all.”

“I'm not sure when exactly I knew I was funny, but I always knew I was different. I never had an 'edit' button and would say whatever came into my head. Most of the time, what came out of my mouth was the very thing everyone else was thinking - but too polite or afraid to verbalize.”

“It's fun to be someone else.”

“I've done stand-up since I was 18 years old, and I absolutely love it, but I used to go onstage, and the audience was my peers. Now I go onstage, and I could be their mother.”

“I've gotten resistance for my entire career.”

“I've never been on one of these shows where you have to make alliances and be a team player.”

“Joan Rivers was my hero.”

“Many comics stay in one city and develop their acts for that particular audience.”

“Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming up to me after the show saying, 'I'm Baptist, and my mother is just like yours.'”

“My desire for my own sitcom began as a little girl - I spent hours lying on my belly on the shag carpeting getting lost in the world of the '70s sitcom. All I wanted to do was run away to the Brady house, The Partridge Family bus; even the project on 'Good Times' seemed better than Clark, NJ.”

“My mother is a tall woman - as is everyone in my family. At her prime, she stood 5 feet 9 inches, which is quite unusual for a woman born in 1922.”

“My mother loves it when I talk about her. Half the time, I think she says things that she knows will go straight into the act.”

“My partner and I had our first son in 1996, and the office became the baby's room. Our second son was born in 2001, and the office became the kids' room.”

“My Shabbat dinner is not to be reckoned with.”

“My two sons are the biggest pigs - always dirty, sweaty, burping and farting.”

“Of course I love cooking Eastern European food because I'm a Jew, but I also love making roast chicken. I love making Hungarian goulash. There are a lot of egg noodles in my cooking.”

“Over the years, things got so bad between my mother and I, we stopped talking to each other and started communicating by putting Ann Landers articles on the refrigerator.”

“People always think you have a lot of money when they see you on TV.”

“Remember the phrase - 'Act your age, not your shoe size?' That didn't apply to me, as they were the same until the age of 12 when my feet stopped growing.”

“Some people use stand-up to get something else in their careers, but it's truly the art form of stand-up I love.”

“The fight in theatre is focus, focus, focus.”

“The first time I did stand-up was on a dare.”

“'The Judy Show' would be the name of my TV show if I had one, but I don't.”

“There is no reason to be ashamed of who you are.”

“To have a job making people laugh really is the greatest thing.”

“Unfortunately, I cook for two boys, and they don't care what it looks like on the plate, and neither do I.”

“When I got a part in 'All American Girl,' in 1994, I remember thinking, 'Now I have a series, I'm not going to need to do standup,' but every night I'd go out afterward and get onstage somewhere.”

“When I was a kid, I'd read about celebrities who didn't want to talk to their fans after a show. I told myself, 'That's terrible, and I would never do that.'”

“When you see another tall woman on the street, you nod, sort of like Orthodox Jews.”

“Women are taught that if you want to be a lady, keep your opinions to yourself and be polite.”

“Women risked their lives for the right to vote. When I hear people say, 'Oh, I'm not gonna vote,' I just wanna tear their heart out.”