Scene.—The Simpson living-room, tidied table pushed back and Christmas tree decorated with home-made trimmings and presents tied in various ludicrous parcels.

Enter Minerva carrying dishpan with note attached.

Minerva—I go first because I’m the oldest.

Jennie (outside)—That ain’t no fair.

Minerva (finger to lips)—Hush, you don’t want to wake Ma. She didn’t come to bed until near morning (puts dishpan under tree). There, that’s a promise it’ll be mighty hard to keep for if there’s anything under the sun I hate doing it’s washing dishes. Three times a day and there’s 365 days in the year, that washes, let me see—three times five is fifteen, three times six is eighteen, and one to carry is nineteen, and three times three is nine and one’s ten. Good gracious, over a thousand times a year and eight in the family means eight plates, eight cups, eight—a million dishes! Oh dear, I wish our family was smaller.

Enter Sam with armful of wood

Sam—It takes a good sight longer for you to put a dishpan down than for me to drop this wood (slams it down). There’s the first load delivered on the contract. Gee, I wish there was a gaswell on our farm. Perhaps I could persuade Ma to use a coal-oil stove.

Enter Jennie with music roll

Jennie—Oh dear, how I hate practising, but Ma says she’s bound she’ll make a musicale out of me. Her chance is better now than it ever was before (puts it on tree).

Sam—Aw, Jen, why didn’t you choose something quiet? Do you want to drive us all insane listening to you running up and down those everlasting scales?

Jennie—It’s your own fault. You said we had to promise what we hate doin’ most and I’m sure—

Minerva—I must get the twins up.

Enter Bill with book-bag

Bill—I had an awful hunt for this bag. Well, I know one person who’ll be mighty glad I made this promise.

Sam and Jennie—Who?

Bill—The school-marm. And the strap will be gitten’ a rest, too, I’m thinkin’. Gee, when I grow up and git in for president I’m goin’ to have every school-marm in the States put in jail who gives homework (puts bag down).

Enter Bobby carrying large bar of soap and Betty with an
alarm clock

Bobby—You’ll not say I didn’t wash behind my ears again, Jennie. I’m goin’ to wash them every mornin’ the water isn’t froze in the pitcher.

Betty—And you can’t call me theepy-head neither cos I’m goin’ to get up first time I’m called every mornin’ ’cept Saturday (Minerva fastens clock on tree. Alarm goes off).

Minerva—There, that will waken Pa and Ma.

Bobby—Oh, oh, oh, look at all them presents. Let me see what are mine (goes to tree and examines parcels).

Sam (drags him away)—Here, Bobby, no peekin’ ’til Pa and Ma come.

Enter Pa and Ma

Pa—Laws-a-me, children, what are you doin’ out of bed and—

Ma—And in your nighties, too. You’ll catch your death of cold.

Pa—Yes, and wakin’—well, I swan, what are you doin’ with a woodpile under the tree?

Ma—And a dishpan and book-bag and and—

All—They’re your Christmas presents!

Pa and Ma—Our Christmas presents!

Sam (putting note in Pa’s hand)—Read and see.

Pa (reads)—“I promise to fill up the wood box every morning before school. Your lovin’ son, Sam.” Well now if that ain’t an original Christmas-box and a mighty good one, too.

Minerva—Here’s mine, Ma (hands the note).

Ma (reads)—

You dear child, give me a kiss. And to think you hate doin’ dishes so. This is what I call a noble sacrifice.

Minerva—Oh Ma, I’m so glad.

Bill (gives book-bag and note to Pa)—See what a smart boy I’m goin’ to turn into!

Pa (reads)—“To Ma and Pa. I bet you won’t believe me, but I’m goin’ to get my homework up every night ’cept Friday as good as I can.—Bill.” That’s the way to talk, Bill. We’ll all be proud of you some day.

Jennie—Read mine, Ma, read mine.

Ma (reads)—“To whom it may conserve. I, Jennie Simpson, do promise to practice my music lessons faithlessly and preservingly every time Ma says I must. I hope she’ll be mercyfill.”

Ma—I will, Jennie, I promise. Bless your dear heart.

Bobby (takes his off tree)—Here’s mine! Here’s mine! (gives it to Pa).

Pa—Bless my soul! A cake of soap! (reads) “I’ll always keep behind my ears clean where it shows.—Bobby.”

Betty—And mine, and mine (gives to Ma).

Ma—Is that what I heard? (reads) I—I—Oh, I haven’t my glasses. You read it, Betty.

Betty—“I pwomith to git up when I’m called if I’m not too theepy” (all laugh).

Bobby—That ain’t no pwomise.

Pa—Yes it is. And now children, you’ve made your Ma and me happier than we’ve ever been in our lives.

Ma—Indeed you have. This shows us how much you love us better’n the costliest gifts in the world could have done.

Bobby—Can’t we get our presents, now?

All—Yes, yes (every one scrambles for presents at once and open them before audience, exclaiming together).

Minerva—A dress, a lovely party dress. Oh! Oh!

Jennie and Betty—Oh the lovely furs (puts them on).

Bill—A hockey-stick. Ain’t it great!

Bobby—Look at my sled.

Pa—Now, boys as soon as you get dressed we’ll go out to the barn and I’ll show you some presents I’ve got for you.

Boys—Oh, goody, goody (Bill and Bobby start for door).

Sam—Hold on kids, before we go, let’s give three cheers for the best Christmas we’ve ever had in all our lives.

All—Hip, hip, hurrah! Hip, hip, hurrah!

CURTAIN