He is driven to extreme necessity; he describes what it is to be indigent, by what he suffered in that condition.

This ten pound I received from my old leacherous Dotard, made its Exit almost assoon as its entrance into my Pocket: by that sum I thought to have purchased Mountains in Ireland (and indeed there is too great plenty of them there,) by gaming; but experience told me afterwards that my design was hazardous, and so it proved, for I met with a person that bubbled me at Hazard, not leaving me a penny, and ingaged besides for my proportion of the Reckoning. My Gamester dealt too hardly with me; yet it was but just, for I intended to show him as little favour, if compell’d to lye at my mercy, which I verily thought would be, having various Utensils about me to that purpose, but I was overmacht.

I returned to my Lodging, (which was none of the best) with what anxiety and perturbation of mind, I shall give any looser leave to imagine, whilst the remembrance thereof enforceth me to speak; and I hope the Reader will give me that liberty, since the Proverb intaileth on the looser that priviledge. I acquainted my Landlord with my misfortune, who seem’d very much to condole me for the present, but it was afterwards the occasion of his not crediting me. From hence, I will advise all to speak as little as they can of ills that betide them; but we cannot discourse too much of the good that happens to us. Perceiving my Landlord grew cold, my spirit was too high to be any longer beholding to him but for my Lodging; wherefore I seldom came home till night. Neither would I make known my condition to any that knew me. Sometimes I should meet with some in the street, who would ask me to drink with them; my usual answer was, I came from it but even now: insisting farther, that such a Gentleman, with two or three more besides my self, had drank so much, and that I admired at my self for being so sober; whereas to deal ingenuously, I had not drank one drop that day. Another seeing me, would ask me whether I would dine with him at the Ordinary? then would I pretend that my Lord —— Gentleman over-persuaded me to dine with him, and that we had such variety, that I doubted my stomack had received some detriment thereby; and therefore beg’d an excuse; whereas a dry crust taken out of my Leather Cupboard, was all the varieties the Gentleman-Vsher of my stomack, my throat I mean, had taken cognizance of that day. So hard it was too, that I would look this way, and that way, not daring to commit it to the engine of my Chops, unless there was none near me within a furlong; for had there been any near me, they would have sworn I was eating Walnuts shells and all. Now did I learn to drink Water, which necessity made me to commend as the most soveraign liquor, and most suitable to the body of man; otherwise Adam in Paradise would not have been without a cup of Ale.

Every morning I offer’d up my Devotions either to St. Patrick, or St. James, each of which have two excellent Wells dedicated to the honour of their Saintships. Thither did I repair constantly twice or thrice a day: after I had offered up the fumes of smoke (most commonly of none of the best Tobacco) I kneeled, not using the common way of drinking out of the chained iron dish, but with greater adoration suckt it as it came through the conveyance. After a walk to Kilmanum (about a mile from Dublin) or some other place to prepare my stomack, I return’d to Christ-Church, frequently dining there with Sir Richard Strang-bow. Reflecting on his Cheer, and the Liquor of those two Saints, I cannot but tell you my thoughts of both.

I fasted so long, I had now almost forgot how to eat: for if casually I came where meat was, I often made a proffer to convey something to my mouth, but my lips understood not my meaning; for having been so long unaccustomed to their duty, knew not how to perform their gaping office. It was impossible at this time for the greatest fright to have made me foul my breeches, because I seldom used any thing that might cause excrements. And therefore I wondred to hear any enquire for an house of Office, since I had now left off going to stool. Once in five days I thought I stood in need of evacuating; but I was mistaken, for by discharging a blast of wind (whose fury scattered small stones underneath me) I found it only a fit of the Cholick. I shall deal plainly, shoud I have found a propensity, I would have been very unwilling to let any thing go out, since so little past into my belly. Some Moveables I had left, which I was forced to dispose of, to keep the passage of my guts open, which would frequently grumble against my stomach for detaining too long what was received, challenging a propriety therein. I thought it good policy not to buy any Belly-timber of a quick concoction, because it should stay the longer within me. To this purpose I lookt on old Cheese to be food convenient; knowing that though it will disgest any thing else, yet it cannot disgest it self; and as it closeth up the mouth of the stomack, so by its respective quality it locks up fast the Poststern of the Micro-cosm. Flesh again (if I got any) I would swallow by whole-sale, fearing lest by chewing it, my stomach would too suddenly give it a passport to my Hypo-gastrium; by which means it would be immediately ready again, nay restless in the craving more. I seldom slept for the gnawing of my stomack, and the anguish of my guts, and for want of those fumes which proceeding from Meat ascended into the head, and so the causers of sleep. If I chanced to nod at any time, I dreamed of nothing but eating, my fancy feeding that while as voraciously as an hunger-starved hound on a shoulder of Mutton. I was driven to that pass, I could not justly tell whether I was alive or not. Sometimes I was of the opinion that I dyed in our Ship-wrack on the Isle of Man, and that I was now a Soul in Purgatory.

Immediately after my arrival in this place, the Itch and Bunniah, or Flux, (the two grand Epidemical distempers of Ireland) gave me their wellcome into their Country, attended by a great number of six-footed Gent. clad in a gray livery, with one single list down the back; who all promised to stick to me & be my bosome-friends, neither would they forsake me as long as life lasted. But they like the rest of the best and fairest promising friends left me, when fortune committed me prisoner to the merciless cruel hands of that accursed Gaoler, Poverty. I was grown so lean, that the Mungril Scotch & Irish Gentleman the Itch, finding not flesh enough to feed on, gave me the French Complement, Adieu pouvre Gentilhome. The Flux staid with me as long as any thing was left in my belly, but finding no substance from my Guts, took his leave also, unkindly carrying away all that was within me. Their retinue perceiving they were like to feed on hard meat, there being little left but bones, whose teeth were incapable of fastning thereon, resolv’d to follow after; some making more than ordinary haste, broke their necks off the Cape of my Cloak, missing their footing, the threads thereof being spun out as time as fine as those of Arachnes working.

To conclude, I was a mere walking Skeleton, my skin only serv’d as a mantle for my bones. But for wind, my belly would have contradicted an approved Philosophical Axiome, proving a Vacuum.

One time passing by the Castle-gate, a Souldier fir’d his Musquet, and I protest methought my belly sounded like a Drum at the report. Should I relate every particular wherein the malevolencie of Fortune afflicted me, I should much tire the Reader, as well as perplex my self with remembrance; wherefore I shall desist, and give you leave to imagine the deplorableness of his condition, who hath neither Monies, Friends, nor Credit, and in a place where he is neither acquainted with the people nor their Language.