What devices he found out to Cheat his Master; and what ways he had to spend it lavishly, at unseasonable hours, on Wine, Wenches, &c.

The time being come again, for the meeting my snipping Brethren, I went prepared with what I could conveniently carry with me. Seeing me come well fraught, my merchants presently clapt me aboard, resolving not to let my commodities lie long on my hands, our truck was soon agreed on to our mutual contents. Then like true Sons of Bacchus, we trouled the full boles about, wishing him that pledged not his fellow, in a dark rainy night on a tyred Jade bare ridged in a dirty lane, with a pocky Whore behind him, and his own bones rotten, nine Miles from an house, not knowing one step of his way, nor having one penny in his pocket. This, or the like dreadful execration, made us tumble off whole Boles like so many thimbles full. Half a dozen of these a piece, were a preludium to our Supper, which usually was composed of the choicest viands. Neither could we eat, without our female Consorts, whom Wine and Musick waited on. After Supper, we fell again to our old Bacchanalian sport, drinking, Dancing, or privately treating our Mistresses at a venereal Banquet. When we had drank our selves to ebriety, and satiated our lustful appetites, we betook our selves to our respective habitations, our Masters not dreaming of our night-Revellings. Our own expences were neither valuable nor comparable to what our Mad-Dames put us to, which were so great (though they made me rack my invention to supply their pretended necessities) that all my various endeavours could not answer their expeditions. I had taken my Gentlewoman a chamber, for which I paid three shillings a week, and upon the bare promise of a Whore, that she would prove constant to me, I allowed her a weekly pension besides; I never came to receive a private favour, but I must return her for it, some special and particular courtesie; as a Scarf, an Hood, a Ring, a Whisk, or rich Lace for her Smock. If I failed at any time of paying my promised Tribute I should be severely checked, nay, sometimes threatned that I had undone her; at the least denyed my accustomed Familiarity; then she would pretend that she had refused many eminent Matches mearly for my sake, that now she saw her self meerly deluded, and would endure it no longer; and would tell my Master our whole proceedings. If I had performed the main, and not presented her when I came with some other gratuity, as a work of Supererogation, she would deride my Courtship, telling me, I was an empty fellow, that I bestowed my favours on others and that made me so sparing to her. And that she scorned to be a copartner in my heart. When she thought she had sufficiently nettled me, (fearing to strain my passion too high) then a little comply, clapping me on the cheeks, calling me Smock-face Rogue; come hither Sirrah, I know what you would have, I’le save your longing. Such sweetned words soon over powered my sourness: and notwithstanding my intended hardness, I could not forbear melting in her arms. We durst not take much time in dalliance, my duty calling me home; but I regarded not that so much as to preserve my Masters good opinion of me. Now since opportunity offereth it self so appositly, give me leave to lay open this subtle Female, on whom a strong ascendancy of Mercury and Venus, had bestowed so liberal a Talent for Whoring, and Cheating, that few escaped her circumvention that came into her company. The Relation I shall give of this miracle of Female subtilty, will be much advantagious to all sorts of persons. By this those that are viciously inclined may be advised into a Reformation before they have occasion for Repentance: And they who defying all Admonishment, and are resolved to be wicked in spite, may out of an apprehension of the ensuing danger and punishment, be deterred into caution, &c.