(The Sad Complaint of a Man in Black) o Molly, dear, my head, I fear, is going round and round, Your cousin isn't in the hunt, when hunting men abound; A waltz for me no more you'll keep, the girls appear to think There's a law been made in favour of the wearing of the pink. Sure I met you in the passage, and I took you by the hand, And says I, "How many dances, Molly, darlint, will ye stand?" But your card was full, you said it with a most owdacious wink, And I'm "hanging" all your partners for the wearing of the pink! You'd a waltz for Charlie Thruster, but you'd divil a one for me, Though he dances like a steam-engine, as all the world may see; 'Tis an illigant divarsion to observe the crowd divide, As he plunges down the ball-room, taking couples in his stride. 'Tis a cropper you'll be coming, but you know your business best, Still, it's bad to see you romping round with Charlie and the rest; Now you're dancing with Lord Arthur—sure, he's had enough to dhrink— And I'm "hanging" all your partners for the wearing of the pink! Your cruelty ashamed you'll be someday to call to mind, You'll be glad to ask my pardon, then, for being so unkind, The hunting men are first, to-night—well, let them have their whack— You'll be glad to dance with me, someday—when all the coats are black! But, since pink's the only colour now that fills your pretty head, Bedad, I'll have some supper, and then vanish home to bed. 'Tis the most distressful ball-room I was ever in, I think, And I'm "hanging" all your partners for the wearing of the pink! ANOTHER DAY WITH THE HOUNDS MR. BRIGGS HAS ANOTHER DAY WITH THE HOUNDSMr. Briggs can't bear flying leaps, so he makes for a gap—which is immediately filled by a frantic Protectionist, who is vowing that he will pitchfork Mr. B. if he comes "galloperravering" over his fences—danged if he doant! A DOUBTFUL INFORMANT A DOUBTFUL INFORMANTMiss Connie (to Gent in brook). "Could you tell me if there is a bridge anywhere handy?" NOT TO BE BEATEN NOT TO BE BEATENCissy. "Why should they call the hare's tail the scut?" Bobby (with a reputation as an authority to keep up). "Oh—er—why you see—oh, of course, because the hare scuttles, you know, when she is hunted." Why he waited"What's the matter with Jack's new horse? He won't start." "Don't know; but they say he's been in an omnibus. Perhaps he's waiting for the bell!" PLEASURES OF HUNTING THE PLEASURES OF HUNTINGTo get a toss in a snowdrift, and, while lying half-smothered, to be sworn at for not shouting to warn the man following you. So ConsolingLady (whose mare has just kicked a member of the Hunt, who was following too closely). "Oh, I'm so sorry! I do hope it didn't hurt you! She's such a gentle thing, and could only have done it in the merest play, you know." POSITIVELY OSTENTATIOUS POSITIVELY OSTENTATIOUSMr. Phunkstick (quite put out). "Talk about agricultural depression, indeed! Don't believe in it! Never saw fences kept in such disgustingly good order in my life!" Irish Hunting TippleEnglishman (having partaken of his friend's flask, feels as if he had swallowed melted lead.) "Terribly strong! Pure whiskey, is it not?" Irishman. "Faith! not at all! It's greatly diluted with gin!" IN A SHOOTING COUNTRY IN A SHOOTING COUNTRYRailway Porter (who has been helping lady to mount). "I hope you'll 'ave a good day, ma'am." Lady Diana. "I just hope we'll find a fox." Porter (innocently). "Oh, that's all right, ma'am. The fox came down by the last train!" INSULT TO INJURYFitz-Noodle's Harriers, after a capital run, have killed—a fox! Incensed local M.F.H. "Confound it, sir, you have killed one of my foxes!" F. N. "It's all right, old chap! You may kill one of my hares!" |