  (A Digression.) A certain man, stout and medium tall Dwelt near us once, named Jim Saltenstall. The most peculiar thing about this man, Was not his name nor distended span. A powerful limb was he of the law, In which he exercised his massive jaw, In justice courts if chance he saw, To display his wit or pick a flaw, In some contention neighbors hate, Where he was ready and never too late, To get a V for his windy prate. A farm beside, where he did reside, Claimed his skill and special pride. He handled stock and rode his nag, And had many things about which to brag. In cows and swine his money he stuck To raise for profit and keep him up. The clothes he wore hung on him loose, Except when he did faultlessly spruce Before his friends and neighbors to strut In court, to pull his client out of a rut. He had one pair of extra sized pants, Made by a cousin or one of his aunts, Known all around by every girl and boy, In his vicinity, made of brown corduroy. This pair loose he’d usually wear With no chance for the brush to tear. One sultry afternoon in the middle of June, A couple of spinsters riding along soon Discovered on one side of the road This pair of pants where it was “throwed.” As they drew up close to the spot Their nag whirled around in a trot; The pants were moving and jumping about These maids their wits scaring half out. No James was by them seen at all, But they knew the trousers of Saltenstall, Who had hid in weeds with none on at all. This mystery to them riding in the lane, He never appeared and offered to explain. Weeks passed by before they laid eye Upon Saltenstall for whom they did spy, This vision and its meaning to reveal. They imagined they heard pigs squeal, So by ifs and whats and twisting twigs, They guessed the pants were full of pigs. This story is true, and the riddle plain: James found in his pasture near the lane, That his favorite sow the stork had blessed, With a litter of pigs, so he was distressed, To contrive a scheme to take pigs to barn, And have them housed and shielded from harm. No sack had he in which to fetch the pigs, So these pants were used with his rigs. When on his shoulders his pigs he did load, In plain view he saw the maids in the road. They were coming straight ahead in full view, So off his shoulders the whole thing he threw, And took to the weeds to get out of view. These ladies came along, all as we have said, And found matters as stated under this head. |
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