I dont kno az it iz a very difficult thing tew be a good injun up in heaven, but tew cum down here and be a good injun, iz just whare the tite spot cums in.

Forgiving our enemys haz the same refreshing effekt upon our souls az it duz tew confess our sins.

What a lamentable cuss man iz, he pittys hiz nabors misfortunes, bi calling them judgments from heaven.

Wize men go thru this world az boys go tew bed in the dark, whistling tew shorten the distance.

“The gods help them who help themselfs.” Upon the same principle mankind praze thoze who praze themselfs.

Falling in love iz like falling into mollassiss, sweet but dreadful dobby.

Hunters and gamblers are poor ekonemists, they kill time, a species ov game that kant be reproduced.

Good breeding iz the art ov avoiding familiarity, and at the same time making the company satisfied with you and pleazed with themselfs.

Tew be happy—take things az they cum, and let them go jist az they cum.

It takes a grate deal of money tew make a man ritch, but it don’t take but little virtew.

It iz the little things ov this life that plague us—

Muskeeters are plenty, elephants skarse.

What an agreeable world this would be tew liv in if we could pump all the pride and selfishness out ov it! It would improve it az much az taking the fire and brimstun out ov the other world.

Don’t mistake plezzure for happiness; it iz entirely a different breed ov dogs. Thare is a grate deal ov exquisitt plezzure in happiness, but thare iz a grate deal ov plezzure that haz no happiness in it.

Thare iz only one thing that i kan think ov now, that i like to see idleness in, and that iz, in mollassiss—i want mi mollassiss slo and eazy.

Experience haz the same effekt on most folks that age haz on a goose, it makes them tuffer.

“Sewing Sosietys,” are generally places whare the wimmin meet to rip and so—up the naberhood.

A lazy man iz one who haz no time to spare; an industrious man iz one who haz more time to spare than he knows what to do with.

It takes a smart man to conceal from others what he don’t kno.

A lazy man alwus works harder than a bizzy one—the hardest work i kno ov, iz to grunt—it iz harder tew set still, and fite flies, than it iz tew git up and escape from them.