I have found it. A vast, colossal, even terrifying discovery, is mine.

Descendant of a hundred Earls; more mutton-headed than the sheep which daily entangle themselves in my motor; with no hope (save the Telephone service); I now see Empires at my feet.

I Nearly Missed It

For four years, with trembling hands have I opened my paper—only to dash it with fury into the grate as my eyes caught the hated word. I changed my paper until I had to change my stationer.

One day I bought the Parish Magazine of St. Sous Without. Could it be possible? My lips were dry, so that I could not turn the pages. I sucked an acidulated drop. Like a Bank clerk counting Bradburys and Fishers, or like the autumn, I turned the leaves, and scanned them with a feverish zeal. It was not there!

Renaissance

In a moment my mind was made up. My hand went to my breast-pocket—my Bank book (also made up). I wrote a postcard, sent a telegram, a special messenger, Carter Paterson, and went myself in a cab. As I entered the vast Institute I threw into the area the bottle of medicine I had that morning purchased for this effect.

The Home of Efficiency

I was flung into a lift; whirled aloft; flung out. I rose from my hands and knees, and found myself in the presence of a small boy wearing the ribbons of every known and unknown order. “Sign please,” he demanded. I found my cheque-book open on the desk. I signed. I saved myself by catching the basement landing. Five men followed bearing literature.

A New World

I opened the first pamphlet. My head swelled immediately. Development had begun to commence starting already. I wrote a letter to the Daily Whale. It was not published. I knew myself upon the path to greatness. My horizon was enlarged.

I discarded my glasses and led from a singleton. While shaving I invented a lock for motor-cars and a solution of the Irish Problem; I unravelled the Russian tangle and elaborated a new Tango; I designed a rat-proof barn and went to breakfast.

Amongst my Fellows

An enormous crowd at the Tube Station. I read one sentence from Pamphlet 2, and I was seated in the train; another sentence and the train started.

I called at the Bank of England, and informed a very gentlemanly young fellow that my income would soon be £5,000 a year by the Welmanometer. He was superficially interested, and I was conducted to the vaults. I was presented with a spade. I have not known an idle moment since.