“A sportsman is a man who every now and then, simply has to get out and kill something.”

“Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.”

“Astronomy teaches the correct use of the sun and the planets.”

“Each section of the British Isles has its own way of laughing, except Wales, which doesn't.”

“Electricity is of two kinds, positive and negative. The difference is, I presume, that one comes a little more expensive, but is more durable; the other is a cheaper thing, but the moths get into it.”

“He flung himself from the room, flung himself upon his horse and rode madly off in all directions.”

“I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.”

“I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.”

“In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.”

“It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.”

“It may be those who do most, dream most.”

“It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required.”

“It's a lie, but Heaven will forgive you for it.”

“It's called political economy because it is has nothing to do with either politics or economy.”

“Life, we learn too late, is in the living, the tissue of every day and hour.”

“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.”

“Men are able to trust one another, knowing the exact degree of dishonesty they are entitled to expect.”

“Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.”

“On the same bill and on the same side of it there should not be two charges for the same thing.”

“Personally, I would sooner have written Alice in Wonderland than the whole Encyclopedia Britannica.”

“The classics are only primitive literature. They belong to the same class as primitive machinery and primitive music and primitive medicine.”

“The landlady of a boarding-house is a parallelogram - that is, an oblong angular figure, which cannot be described, but which is equal to anything.”

“There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit.”

“We think of the noble object for which the professor appears tonight, we may be assured that the Lord will forgive any one who will laugh at the professor.”

“What we call creative work, ought not to be called work at all, because it isn't. I imagine that Thomas Edison never did a day's work in his last fifty years.”

“Writing is no trouble: you just jot down ideas as they occur to you. The jotting is simplicity itself - it is the occurring which is difficult.”