“As a writer, it's very difficult to just hand your script over to someone else, especially if you have to watch them hurt it, and that's when I decided I would direct my own work.”

“Books are a little better movies than just screenplays because there's more fat on the bone. There's more character development. There's more stuff to pick from.”

“'Desperate Housewives' - there's no man on the planet that takes that personally, but if it were 'Desperate Househusbands,' they would shut ABC down.”

“Early on, I joined that large group of show business cadets who were 'multi-hyphenates,' 'independents,' 'self produced' or 'alternately financed.' Sometimes, most times, I've had to do it all: raise the money, write the script, produce, direct and act in the film.”

“From very early on, I had always wanted to be a stand-up comedian. It was my passion; it was my goal. It was a world I was simply infatuated with. So, as soon as I could, I moved out to L.A. chasing after my dream.”

“I am an entrepreneur in the entertainment industry. Somewhere early on when I couldn't get something I wanted through the system, I threw up my hands and tried to figure a way to get it done myself. A lot of it came from my upbringing. My dad was an entrepreneur.”

“I don't work with a lot of pressure, you know? I don't think, 'Oh, this one has gotta work or I'm finished.' I just kind of get onto the next one.”

“I enjoy being an actor in my own movies.”

“I have a spot on the horizon that I'm trying to hit: To write and direct adult dramedies. First of all, there's really not a big market for them. Second of all, it's like cracking a diamond. You've got to do it right.”

“I just kind of went from being a standup, one-man band, to then kind of breezing back and working with other people. And now I'm just trying to be a legitimate guy who pays the rent, you know.”

“I never once had a regular paycheck. Not for more than six weeks in a row and for the most part not even that. I still haven't. The notion of some whistling kid with a mail cart coming down the hall and handing me my weekly paycheck is something I've only seen in Matthew Broderick movies.”

“I think everything benefits from a little comedy. The worst thing to me is to see a great drama or a great thriller with no laughs.”

“In another time, another world, each studio made 200 movies a year and had 20 executives. Today, a studio makes less than 20 movies a year and has 500 executives. They own too many parking decks and too many billboard companies. They're awash in overhead, and it's pinning them down, and they know it.”

“It's not a great feeling for a film to suffer financially, but you can't sit and mope about it. You just have to just move on to next project - I try to always be working on a new project when my last one hits the theaters.”

“I've done a lot of dramedies in my career. You know, I started as a standup comic, and then the movies that I was doing, like 'Up Side of Anger' were kind of like - they're hard. They're hard to sell; they're hard to get made, you know.”

“My movies don't make any money, and they don't really light the world on fire. But I'm really lucky because I've gotten them made.”

“My whole career this is the biggest failure financially, but at the same time, it's one of my favorite things I've ever done.”

“Nobody loses money on my movies. I make them cheap.”

“Oklahoma City, Katrina... those happened to other unfortunate people. But 9/11, that happened to us all. And that was pretty much the genesis of 'Reign Over Me.'”

“That's the thing about Michael Moore, when you read his stuff, he's so sure he's right about everything; even when he's wrong, he's entertaining.”

“The holidays are a rough time for the homeless, but it's a year-round problem we have to solve.”

“When you're a comedian, you're another race. You're friends with all these comedians who are white, black and brown. It's us against the world.”

“You've got to feel a little nervous when you first meet Spielberg. The guy's an apparition.”