“A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick; a youth with his first girl makes other people sick.”

“He who devotes sixteen hours a day to hard study may become at sixty as wise as he thought himself at twenty.”

“If man is only a little lower than the angels, the angels should reform.”

“In some parts of Ireland the sleep which knows no waking is always followed by a wake which knows no sleeping.”

“It is difficult to see why lace should be so expensive; it is mostly holes.”

“Politeness is half good manners and half good lying.”

“Politeness is only one half good manners and the other half good lying.”

“The penalty of success is to be bored by the attentions of people who formerly snubbed you.”

“The tombstone is about the only thing that can stand upright and lie on its face at the same time.”

“There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.”