“A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.”

“But there, everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses.”

“Conceit is the finest armour a man can wear.”

“I attribute the quarrelsome nature of the Middle Ages young men entirely to the want of the soothing weed.”

“I can see the humorous side of things and enjoy the fun when it comes; but look where I will, there seems to me always more sadness than joy in life.”

“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”

“Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.”

“If you are foolish enough to be contented, don't show it, but grumble with the rest.”

“It is a most extraordinary thing, but I never read a patent medicine advertisement without being impelled to the conclusion that I am suffering from the particular disease therein dealt with in its most virulent form.”

“It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.”

“It is easy enough to say that poverty is no crime. No; if it were men wouldn't be ashamed of it. It is a blunder, though, and is punished as such. A poor man is despised the whole world over.”

“It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.”

“It is in our faults and failings, not in our virtues, that we touch each other, and find sympathy. It is in our follies that we are one.”

“It is so pleasant to come across people more stupid than ourselves. We love them at once for being so.”

“Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.”

“Nothing is more beautiful than the love that has weathered the storms of life. The love of the young for the young, that is the beginning of life. But the love of the old for the old, that is the beginning of things longer.”

“One we discover how to appreciate the timeless values in our daily experiences, we can enjoy the best things in life.”

“People who have tried it, tell me that a clear conscience makes you very happy and contented; but a full stomach does the business quite as well, and is cheaper, and more easily obtained.”

“The weather is like the government, always in the wrong.”

“There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do.”

“Time is but the shadow of the world upon the background of Eternity.”

“We are so bound together that no man can labor for himself alone. Each blow he strikes in his own behalf helps to mold the universe.”

“We drink one another's health and spoil our own.”

“What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.”