“A boyfriend has so much to do with a woman blossoming.”

“A lot of those good-looking girl parts aren't very fun.”

“A man's ability to haggle is never a turn-on. The only thing less romantic than how much you paid is how much you saved. The last thing we want to hear is how you talked the jeweler down on our new earrings.”

“All the guys that entered The Groundlings, like Will Ferrell, already had incredible confidence, but I watched shut down women that didn't even have a personality completely become different human beings because of the training.”

“As a single woman, I reap the benefits of being Stifler's mom.”

“As young, hot actors living in Hollywood, you get even more attractive.”

“Dating is... weird.”

“Gina Gershon was a year ahead of me in college.”

“Girls are supposed to be feminine and demure. Comedy isn't about that, so you just have to unlearn it. Certain women are so pretty, they can't go weird enough to be funny. You have to be willing to be ugly. I'm lucky my face can look so hideous.”

“Hair extensions and wigs are not the same thing. Wigs are for old ladies and drag queens. Extensions are for women who want longer hair. To be safe, never bring it up if you think a woman is wearing either. No good comes of it.”

“I always date younger men. For some reason that's just the way it's gone, because younger guys have always asked me out and I accept.”

“I always fall for the guy that, like, has to blow me off because he needs to go do something with his dog. I love those kind of guys.”

“I always find the most depressing stuff most interesting.”

“I always like to get a role where I think, 'Ah, I know this is probably going to be played like this, but I'm going to do it like this.'”

“I can't get the serious roles. People don't see me that way.”

“I dated a guy who played bad guys in movies all the time, and I think he was just a bad guy.”

“I don't actually go on the Internet that much.”

“I don't know what I am. I guess you can call me a character actor in the sense that I'll never be an ingenue. You know, that's over. My shot was missed. I take a normal person and make them more of a character. I don't know what that would be called.”

“I don't think men really fall in love with the outspoken girl.”

“I figured New York was the closest I'd get here in America to Scotland.”

“I get the gold-digger part six times weekly. I can play those women into the ground, but I don't want someone telling me that's all I can do.”

“I hate Spanx.”

“I have a storage unit, as I moved out of a bigger house into a smaller house in L.A. I put all my stuff in a storage unit, where I have the most amazing collection of bad paintings, which took me 10 years to put together.”

“I have been able to sniff out a phony.”

“I have the improv background, but stand-up is different.”

“I love Australia, and I especially love those rugby players.”

“I play so many weirdos in movies that it's nice to play an attractive woman.”

“I read a script and I know immediately whether that role is for me or not.”

“I think I'm comedy-attractive, but it's never gonna be me and Charlize Theron up there.”

“I wanted to be a dramatic actress. Life doesn't go the way you think it's going to go.”

“I was like a waitress that got a job once in a while, and then Stifler's mom happened, and everything changed.”

“I was the cocktail waitress, and Sandra Bullock was the host, and this guy came in and persuaded me to try improv with Gotham City Improv.”

“I was thinking, 'If I go bald, I might do something like Bret Michaels and have it all attached to a handkerchief.'”

“I wasn't funny. My brother was the funny one in the family.”

“I wasn't very good in my serious acting class. Sometimes people took our class so seriously, so I used to, sort of, make fun of people after class. And so a friend of mine said, 'Why don't you do the comedy thing.' That's how it all worked out.”

“I went out with seven actors in a row. There are problems with that. I've had the really good-looking dramatic actor, and that has its problems. And then I'll go out with the funny guy. It's almost like the funny guy has more to prove.”

“I would say 90 percent of the scripts that show up on my door are women who have had lots of plastic surgery that are married to rich men - sort of a trophy wife.”

“If I wasn't an actress and I wasn't Stifler's mom, my life would be so dull.”

“If you're playing a character that someone doesn't like, that's okay, but if you're voicing your own opinions, they actually don't like you!”

“I'm kind of harsher than most people.”

“I'm so vain, all I could think was I should have stopped at 'American Pie.'”

“It ends up being a terrible movie if you try and please everyone.”

“It seems almost impossible to me that the whole world doesn't know CPR.”

“It was always the cliche of men leaving their wives for younger women. The playing field is sort of even now. Women make their own salaries. They can do the exact same thing and can have a younger man.”

“It's a great compliment when the beautiful ones laugh.”

“It's really hard for me to meet someone. I don't want to date actors. Been there, done that. Only one actor per household, please.”

“I've been many people. I've been the skinny girl. I've been the fat girl. Because I've become a character actress, I sort of fell victim to 'Well, I don't have to look good anymore.'”

“I've made a career of taking roles that other actresses didn't want.”

“I've played a lot of weird women. I play crazy ladies, and I've played a lot of insane women and weird best friends that are not sexually desirable.”

“Keri Russell is one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen in my life. She's one of those girls that doesn't have that thing when you walk into the trailer in the morning, and your face is all bashed in - like a lot of actors, even the beautiful and handsome ones.”

“Meryl Streep was my hero. I wanted to be that type of actor more than anything.”

“No one purposefully paints a bad painting. It's someone who's trying to do a good painting, but it's terrible. I have one with a matador, and the bull is going through the blanket. You can tell the painter didn't know how to paint it.”

“Our secret desire as women is to have a guy who falls madly in love with us even though we're incredibly opinionated or we're not the sort of normal, polite, poised woman.”

“People have this view, 'Oh, you're in movies, your life is so glamorous' but it can really suck.”

“Physically, no one would ever consider me for the serial-killer lady.”

“Short of spending USD10,000, there is nothing you can do to your head to hide the fact that you're going bald.”

“Some people are really nice about it. I get Saudi princes and famous people stopping me in L.A. and saying, 'You're Stifler's mom. Can I take a picture with you?' But then you get people like her putting their camera in your face without asking. They think they can do whatever they like.”

“Stand-up is a weird animal. There are people who really want to know what you think about things, your opinion on life. But then there are people who think you're just that beautician in 'Legally Blonde,' who doesn't have opinions on anything. Or that I'm Stifler's mom and hot for it all the time.”

“Standup is just dirtier, a far more risque kind of thing.”

“Thank God for Stifler's mom. I don't know if life would be this fun if I didn't have that.”

“The best thing about animated-feature people is that they are very laid-back people. You feel like you're showing up for a backyard barbecue.”

“The British boys really, really go nuts... to them, an older woman is sexy, and it's an incredible fantasy... I think the American fantasy is still about men wanting control. Maybe American men don't feel as in control of their lives.”

“The minute I started doing comedy, the doors opened.”

“The odd things that people say to you are so much more hilarious than what you can come up with.”

“The one thing that has helped sustain my career as an actress and a comedian is that people generally view me as fundamentally stupid.”

“The standup thing has been really fun, really seeing the United States instead of reading about it.”

“There are some people who make you feel less lonely.”

“There's something about me that suggests I don't have an intelligent atom in me at all. So people say things to me that they wouldn't say to other people. Insulting, condescending things. They don't think I notice. But, of course, I'm taking it all in.”

“To be honest, sometimes I'm horrified because you don't really know what you look like. If I really knew what I was doing on-screen, I would try to stop doing it.”

“Unless you write your own movies... you can't really say what you want to say.”

“Usually, when you're an actress, you have to audition 20 times.”

“When I go on 'The View,' or any of those talk shows, you really don't get to say what you want to say.”

“When I walk into a video arcade filled with 16- or 17-year-old boys, I may as well be Marilyn Monroe.”

“When it's going well, stand-up is the best thing in the world, but when it's not, it feels like all your toes are being pulled off one by one.”

“When you leave L.A. and go to another city, guys are normal again. They like girls their own age.”

“When you're an actress, there are only a few times you can really get paid. One of them is doing a sequel. They can't fake you or hire another actor to play you.”

“When you're on this major English estate, breathing in the English air, and it's untouched, you can feel its presence. It's a whole different feel. It really felt like we were there living it. It didn't feel modern, ever.”

“Younger guy are attracted to a strong quality.”