“A lot of the hate mail I get is clearly misogynist. I am a proud liberal, feminist woman, and the hate mail I get about those three things is not about me.”

“Also, as I've gotten older and more mature, I've become much more comfortable in my own skin. After 25 years of doing stand-up, that's reflected onstage.”

“For my stand-up, I always have my notebook with me and if something strikes me, I'll write it down.”

“German accents and Hassidic accents aren't that romantic. They're more harsh. Although Hebrew, when spoken by certain people, sounds beautiful. There's this beautiful woman I know who speaks Hebrew, and when she speaks, it's so attractive. Maybe it's who's speaking it.”

“Here's what the right-wing has in, there's no shortage of the natural resources of ignorance, apathy, hate, fear. As long as those things are in the collective conscious and unconscious, the Republicans will have some votes.”

“I absolutely realize that a celebrity spokesperson is not ideal.”

“I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person.”

“I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person-as the people in this room will attest.”

“I can do most anything and not have a problem with it. The only time I have negative attention is when I run naked through the streets brandishing a handgun.”

“I do not enjoy when people don't like me.”

“I don't enjoy sparring with the audience. It devastates me.”

“I don't have a good work ethic. I have a real casual relationship with hours.”

“I don't really have a theatre background at all.”

“I don't really have funny things to say about politics. I wish I did, but I don't.”

“I don't think Hollywood was trying to do anything with me. In fact, they lost interest pretty quick. I think I got lucky, briefly, in the '90s, and it just so happened that those movies were the opportunities that came my way. Then it just kind of stopped.”

“I don't understand why, in entertainment, the hours are as long as they are. It seems like everything takes forever, and no one can tell you why exactly.”

“I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”

“I guess intractable right-wing ideologues are my mortal enemy.”

“I have yet to meet very many people in the press who are really, truly interested in writing a good story or getting at the truth. Most press people, when they come into an article, have an angle that they want already, so they need points to support that angle, whatever the angle may be.”

“I love a nice cooking show. It's as aesthetically pleasing as any other thing that tempts the senses, I suppose.”

“I mostly get takeout, I have to admit - I don't know if that's something to be ashamed of. I'm not much of a cook.”

“I remember the old Times Square from when I was younger, and there was a seedy thrill to it. Some of that is gone, which I have a little bit of nostalgia for.”

“I say at this point, for different reasons, Bush and Hussein are both very threatening to world peace and to deny that is to be incredibly naive.”

“I think I failed miserably on NewsRadio. I was very nervous because of the caliber of the cast - especially Dave Foley - so I think I did a terrible job.”

“I would have to say loneliness is next to uncleanliness.”

“I would prefer to be well-liked in any and all situations.”

“I would say just in general, in life, I'm more willing to be animated as a person, and so obviously onstage as well.”

“If you aren't overly effusive or really nicey-nice with the press, you get a reputation for being outspoken or difficult.”

“I'm a sucker for any guy with an accent with any kind.”

“I'm a walker. I enjoy walking, which I think psychologically expresses my feelings of wanting liberation without exerting myself too much.”

“I'm grateful for any opportunity to act.”

“I'm not a disciplined writer.”

“I'm not specifically attached to anything other than trying to, in my personal life, fight against where I see right wing thinking. Whether it be around my dinner table or on the street or somebody reading the New York Post.”

“Iraq is a manufactured conflict for the sake of geopolitical dominance in the area.”

“Is being an idiot like being high all the time?”

“It's been hard in entertainment as a 45-year-old woman to find jobs. They get fewer and far between if you're older, unless you're one of the few lucky ones who work constantly, like Meryl Streep.”

“I've seen other comics, with great pleasure, watching their own specials, and I don't know how or why they do it.”

“Let's be very honest about what this is about. It's not about bashing Democrats, it's not about taxes, they have no idea what the Boston tea party was about, they don't know their history at all. This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up.”

“Let's put it this way: I don't have a good work ethic. I have a real casual relationship with hours. I don't understand why, in entertainment, the hours are as long as they are. It seems like everything takes forever, and no one can tell you why, exactly.”

“Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.”

“Sometimes people say I'm a political comedian, which, actually I'm not. I'm a comedian who sometimes discusses politics, culture - again, the word 'politics' to me is just life.”

“The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”

“The term 'celebrity' makes my skin crawl.”

“The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off.”

“Tina Fey is part of a generation of women who have changed the face of comedy at 'Second City,' 'SNL,' in sitcoms and in film.”

“To combat social awkwardness, I would just act like I couldn't be bothered - that kind of aloof persona or aloof demeanor. It's so off-putting.”

“To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.”

“When Communist U.S.S.R. was a superpower, the world was better off. The right-wing media is trying to marginalize the peace movement.”

“When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'”

“You just need an opportunity and then you yourself have to do a good job, and then you hope that people go, 'Oh yeah, I forgot about her.'”

“You know, I've had Botox. The woman who does it is very good, obviously. Very conservative.”

“You know, there's nothing more interesting than seeing a bunch of racists become confused and angry at a speech they're not quite certain what he's saying.”