“Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.”

“Curious people are interesting people; I wonder why that is.”

“Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”

“Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn't insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable.”

“I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.”

“If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest.”

“Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'”

“It's all been satirized for your protection.”

“Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.”

“Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?”

“Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence.”

“Men are only as loyal as their options.”

“Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do.”

“Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.”

“Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'”

“The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.”

“The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.”

“They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed.”

“Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?”

“This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.”

“To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you the truth. That's who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.”

“We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies.”

“We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.”

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

“We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.”

“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”