"What may be the subject of your meditations?" said Toney to the Professor on the following morning, as he dodged aside to avoid coming in collision with the latter, who was walking with his gaze apparently fixed on the toes of his boots.

"I beg pardon!" said the Professor, with a look of surprise. "I had no intention of converting myself into a battering-ram. I am in no belligerent mood, I assure you. To tell the truth, Toney, I am very sad."

"What may be the cause of your melancholy?"

"Disappointment in my fondest wishes."

"In love?"

"No, not in love. I was once disappointed in love, and I know what that is. It is a sore trial, but nothing to the affliction which I now endure."

"I cannot imagine the nature of your trouble. From what does it proceed?"

"Breach of promise."

"What?"

"Breach of promise unadvisedly made to five respectable maiden ladies."

"To all five? Why, you must be a Turk!"

"What am I to do?" said the Professor, with a look of despondency. "I cannot fulfill my promise."

"I should think not, unless you emigrate to Salt Lake."

"I wish Tom Seddon were here. He could assist me."

"Do you suppose he would abandon Ida?"

"Toney, my dear fellow, you can help me."

"By taking one of the respectable maiden ladies off your hands? I beg to be excused. There is but one woman in the world I would marry, and that I would do quickly enough if I had a hundred thousand dollars."

"I was not speaking of marriage."

"Did you not say that you had promised five respectable maiden ladies?"

"Not to conduct them to the altar."

"What, then?"

"To unravel the great mystery which is now agitating the minds of the entire population of this town, and more especially of the female portion."

"What is that?"

"Who was the bare-headed rider on the Woolly Horse? Toney, can you tell? If I do not discover this secret, what will become of me when I return to my boarding-house where the five respectable maiden ladies are waiting to receive the information, which I have solemnly promised to obtain and impart? Toney, do you know who was the man on the Woolly Horse?"

"I do not."

"Have you been to the Widow Wild's house since the apparition dashed through the street on yesterday?"

"I was at the widow's house last night."

"What did you discover?"

"Nothing?"

"Did you allude to M. T. Pate?"

"I did."

"What did the widow say?"

"She said he was a very smart lawyer, and then changed the topic of conversation."

"That woman is a mystery I cannot solve. She will drive me mad! But what did Rosabel say when Pate's name was mentioned?"

"She and her cousin, the widow's niece, tittered."

"Well?"

"The widow sharply rebuked them for their levity."

"What then?"

"The young ladies attempted to smother themselves."

"How?"

"By holding their handkerchiefs to their mouths."

"Did they succeed?"

"They did not. The attempt was a failure. There were explosions of laughter, and the young ladies jumped up and ran from the room. I saw them no more that night, but I heard from an adjoining room loud shrieks——"

"What! shrieks? Nothing serious, I hope?"

"Shrieks of laughter."

"And you have discovered nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Toney, what am I to do? I cannot return to my boarding-house, and look those five respectable maiden ladies in their faces, and say I know nothing."

"Have you seen Mrs. Foot?"

"No."

"Let us go to her house."

"Why should we go there?"

"It is the headquarters of all the female gossips in the town."

"Then we will go. It is the place for information. Who is Mrs. Foot?"

"The mother of the three tall young ladies whom you have seen escorted by Love, Dove, and Bliss."

"The giraffes in petticoats? What are their names?"

"Cleopatra, Theodosia, and Sophonisba."

"They are very tall women with very long names. Which of them was carrying little Love hooked to her arm?"

"That was Cleopatra."

"And the one who was looking down so benignly on Dove?"

"Theodosia."

"And Sophonisba had secured Bliss. Toney, I seldom vaticinate, but I now predict that those three little men will marry those three stupendous sisters."

"That would be against the rules of the Mystic Order of Seven Sweethearts, of which order Love, Dove, and Bliss are active and useful members."

"When a very little man," said the Professor, not heeding Toney's last observation, "comes in daily contact with a woman of gigantic proportions, a marriage is inevitable."

"How do you account for such a phenomenon?"

"Upon very obvious principles. A little man like Bliss, promenading with a giantess like Sophonisba, looks up to her when he speaks, and his numerous soft and tender expressions ascend like prayers addressed to some superior being above him. Sophonisba looks down and beholds poor little Bliss walking by her side like a motherless lamb needing protection. A feeling of pity takes possession of her bosom, and pity is nearly akin to love."

"The big woman first pities the little man, and then loves him?"

"That is just it. Did you ever see a very large woman married to a man of similar proportions?"

"Indeed, I have. Mrs. Foot is as tall as Sophonisba, and much more robust. Her husband, Gideon Foot, looks like Winfield Scott; while her son, who is called Hercules, stands six feet seven in his stockings."

"A race of giants! descended, perhaps, in a direct line from Ogg, the King of Bashan."

"Here is the house, and we have arrived at about the right time in the afternoon. The gossips usually assemble at this hour."

"Why, this is the very place where we discovered Love, Dove, and Bliss, one night, singing so sweetly."

"They come here and warble nearly every night under the windows."

"Serenading the giantesses, I suppose?"

"Yes; serenading the young ladies,—the Feet."

"Toney, is that correct?"

"What?"

"The Feet."

"Do you not say the Browns and the Smiths?"

"Certainly."

"What is the plural of Foot?"

"Feet."

"Of course. You would not have me say Foots?"

"It is a question of philology which I am unable to determine."

"Let us go in," said Toney.

He pulled the bell, and a servant appeared, and ushered them into a parlor, where sat Mrs. Foot with her three daughters, and three female friends. The Professor was introduced by Toney to the lady of the house, and then to Cleopatra, Theodosia, and Sophonisba; after which ceremony, the two gentlemen were introduced by Mrs. Foot to Mrs. Cross, Mrs. Hobbs, and Mrs. Smart.

"Oh, Mr. Belton," said the gigantic mother of the three stupendous sisters, "I am so glad you have come! Have you heard anything?"

"In respect to what?" asked Toney.

"The Woolly Horse!" said Mrs. Foot.

"The Woolly Horse!" exclaimed Mrs. Cross.

"The Woolly Horse!" cried Mrs. Hobbs.

"Who was the man on the Woolly Horse?" eagerly inquired Mrs. Smart.

The young ladies said nothing; but half a dozen blue eyes belonging to the young ladies aforesaid were intently fixed on Toney, in expectation of his answer. Toney was silent. Mrs. Foot arose from her chair and came close to him. Her three female friends made a similar movement, and Toney was surrounded.

"Have you heard anything?" reiterated Mrs. Foot.

"Who was the man on the Woolly Horse?" screamed Mrs. Smart.

"Indeed, madam, that is just what I would like to know," said Toney.

The expression of eager expectation on the countenance of each lady was instantly changed to one of sad disappointment.

"He don't know," sighed Mrs. Foot.

"He don't know," said Mrs. Cross, with a profound suspiration.

"It is too bad!" exclaimed Mrs. Hobbs.

"That nobody should know who was the man on the Woolly Horse!" said Mrs. Smart, in extreme vexation.

"My friend Mr. Tickle may know," said Toney, with a mischievous twinkle of his eye, as he directed their attention to the Professor, who was instantly surrounded.

"Who was it, Mr. Tickle?" said Mrs. Foot.

"Who was it?" exclaimed Mrs. Cross.

"Oh, dear! who was it?" cried Mrs. Hobbs.

"Mr. Tickle, who was the man on the Woolly Horse?" screamed Mrs. Smart.

"Ladies," said the Professor, with profound gravity, "it may have been an Osage Indian carrying a Woolly Horse, which he had captured in the Rocky Mountains, to Barnum."

"It was an Osage Indian on the Woolly Horse!" screamed Mrs. Smart.

"No, it wasn't an Osage Indian," said Mrs. Tongue, who had entered the room unobserved.

She was instantly surrounded.

"Who was it? Who was it?" was asked and reiterated.

"Wait until I get my breath," said Mrs. Tongue, sinking into a chair. "Bless me! I have walked so fast!"

"Who was it? Who was it? Who was it?" came with reiterations from several female voices while the lady was employed in getting her breath.

"Will you all promise not to say a word about it?" said Mrs. Tongue.

"Yes—yes!—not a word—not a syllable!—we will not breathe it!" was instantly and unanimously promised by the female portion of Mrs. Tongue's audience.

"You know the Widow Wild's cook?" said Mrs. Tongue.

"Yes," said Mrs. Foot.

"The black woman whom Simon Rump kissed!" screamed Mrs. Smart.

"The miserable dog!" cried Mrs. Cross.

"The cook," said Mrs. Tongue, "was at my house about half an hour ago, and told me——"

"What? What? What? What?" exclaimed four female voices simultaneously.

"That Mr. Pate rode up to the Widow Wild's house, on yesterday morning, and, dismounting, pulled the bell at the front door. The widow opened the door herself, and received Mr. Pate with much cordiality. Having invited him in, she introduced him to her daughter and niece; and he and the three ladies soon got to be so sociable that they sat down to a game of whist. Time passed pleasantly and rapidly until dinner was announced. After dinner the widow proposed a game of blind-man's-buff; and the three ladies and Pate began the game with much merriment. It came to the lawyer's turn to be blinded; and, as soon as the handkerchief was over his eyes, the widow rang a bell and her two big negro men, Juba and Jugurtha, rushed into the room and caught Pate, and Juba held him while Jugurtha smeared tar over his head and face. The widow then took a basket of black wool, and stuck the wool all over his head, and put some big bunches on his checks, so as to look like very large whiskers. The lawyer cried like a child and begged for mercy; but the widow laughed immoderately while she was decorating him with the wool. When released, the lawyer fled to the door, and there stood his horse in much the same condition as himself. He mounted and rode wildly away; the widow calling after him, 'Mr. Pate! Mr. Pate! be sure to come back and get your money to-morrow!'"

"Did you ever hear the like?" said Mrs. Foot.

"Never!" exclaimed Mrs. Cross.

"No; never!" cried Mrs. Hobbs.

"And so Mr. Pate was the man on the Woolly Horse!" screamed Mrs. Smart.

"Hush!" exclaimed Cleopatra, who was sitting at a window. "Here is Mr. Love."

"Hush!" said Theodosia, "Here is Mr. Dove."

"Hush!" said Sophonisba. "Here is Mr. Bliss."

"They are Mr. Pate's particular friends," said Mrs. Foot. "It will not do to say anything about him before them,—it might hurt their feelings. Let us talk about something else."

The three little men now entered the room, and Toney and the Professor arose, and, bowing to the ladies, withdrew. They walked together until they reached Toney's office, when the Professor said, "Well, Toney, I can now face the five respectable maiden ladies without trepidation. Eureka! eureka! Good-by, old fellow."

"Good-by," said Toney, laughing. And he entered his office, while the Professor proceeded with rapid strides towards his boarding-house.