In compliance with the wishes of his two friends, Toney drew from a trunk his manuscript, and laying it on a table before him, said, "You will perceive, gentlemen, that in my first chapter of this biography I speak of Pate as an eminent personage. This requires a word of explanation. Pate may not yet be considered as a very eminent man, but before the completion and publication of the work I am confident that he will rank among the most distinguished personages of the age; and that the adjective which I have used will then be recognized as strictly appropriate."

With these prefatory remarks, Toney proceeded to read as follows:

"We have been baffled in our efforts to obtain satisfactory information in relation to the birthplace of the eminent personage whose biography we have undertaken to write. It is known that he was born somewhere in the South; but whether among the cotton-plantations of the Carolinas or the tobacco-fields on the borders of the Chesapeake, we have never been able to ascertain. It is said that the honor of having been the natal place of the immortal MÆonides was claimed by seven famous cities of ancient Greece; and it may be that, in future ages, at least seven States of the South will contend for the great glory of having produced the illustrious M. T. Pate. It is perhaps fortunate that at the period of his birth the number of those States did not exceed seven; otherwise a satisfactory adjustment of the apprehended difficulty would be even more hopeless than it is at present.

"It is equally out of our power to designate the particular period when this eminent man entered the world in which he was destined to make so remarkable a figure. There is a tradition that he was born in the year of the embargo; and the inability of the administration of that day to prohibit all kinds of importations, seems to have been a fortunate circumstance at the very commencement of his career. It is said that he was a very big baby at his advent, and grew prodigiously, but was remarkable for his gravity, to such a degree that the wise women who assembled in frequent consultations around the cradle used to asseverate, with much emphasis of expression, that he looked as grave as a judge. One of his parents was pious, and both were respectable; and at the proper period he was brought to the baptismal font and Christianized with the usual solemnities. Some difficulty was encountered in the selection of a name. An elderly maiden lady, a friend of the family, had predicted that he would be a bishop, and now insisted that he should have a scriptural name, as most appropriate for one who was destined to occupy the very highest position in the church. The male head of the family had been perusing an odd volume of the History of Greece, in which he was much interested, and was desirous of naming his heir after one of the heroes of that classic land. These opposite views led to many warm discussions, which eventually resulted in a judicious compromise, it being agreed that the wonderful baby should have two names, and that each party should select one of them. So the good old lady seated herself, and putting on her spectacles, opened the Bible at the Book of Daniel where the King of Babylon was put into the pasture-fields. She was much struck with the passage, and proposed the name of Nebuchadnezzar, as exceedingly sonorous and quite uncommon. To this a serious objection was urged by the old gentleman, who sagaciously remarked that the name was so long that nobody would ever give the boy the whole of it, and he would be nicknamed Nebby or Neb. This suggestion had its effect, and the pious old lady proceeded to search the Scriptures again, and finally selected the name of Matthew, saying that, in her opinion, he was about the best of all the apostles, although he had once been a publican, for he was the first one of them who had ever thought of writing a gospel. So the boy was named Matthew Themistocles, after an evangelist and a heathen; as if he were destined to combine in his character the opposite qualities of a saint and a sinner.

"It is believed that even in the cradle this robust and remarkable baby gave evidence of superior intelligence; and it is much to be regretted that he had no admiring Boswell at that early period of his existence to describe his extraordinary doings. But no historian ever makes a record of the wisdom which proceeds from the mouths of babes and sucklings; and when we behold the learned and illustrious man swaying mighty masses by his eloquence, or dignifying and adorning the bench, imagination finds it difficult to travel back and discover him in the cradle, so puny and insignificant that the portly old crier of the court could have enveloped him in his handkerchief, like a bit of bread or cheese, and stowed him in the capacious pocket of his overcoat.

"When the moon stood still in the valley of Ajalon, the people on the other side of the hills knew not that a great luminary was in their immediate neighborhood. But when she got in motion and slowly arose, until her silvery edges were seen above the surfaces of the surrounding eminences, the crowds began to collect and watch with absorbing interest the increasing proportions of the magnificent phenomenon. And when, in full effulgence, she was over the tops of the trees, all admired her splendor, and many began to dispute about her apparent size: some saying that she seemed to them as big as an ordinary platter; others, that she was equal in dimensions to a fine large cheese; while a few affirmed that her circumference was as great as that of the wheel of the war-chariot of Joshua, the son of Nun. Thus has it been with each intellectual light which has shone on the world; at one time hid in the vale of obscurity,—in the valley of Ajalon,—then surmounting the intervening obstacles, the first rays of the rising luminary are seen, and people begin to talk and admire, until finally it becomes visible in full-orbed splendor, when a variety of opinions are heard in reference to its actual magnitude. We once heard an old lawyer, who was laudator temporis acti, assert with savage emphasis that a certain occupant of the bench was 'a picayune judge,' thus intimating that this splendid luminary of the law did not seem to him bigger than an insignificant five-penny bit. But the eyes of old men are weak and watery, and not to be trusted. Some of the junior members of the legal fraternity said that he was as large as a dinner plate; others were of opinion that he had attained the size of an ordinary cheese; while many of the non-professional multitude loudly asserted that he was fully equal in magnitude to the hindmost wheel of an omnibus.

"During several years after he had emerged from babyhood, M. T. Pate was hidden from public observation, and hoed corn in the valley of Ajalon. Here he laid a permanent foundation for that powerful constitution which has enabled him to perform the Herculean labors of his later years. His constant exercise in the open air gave him the extraordinary appetite which clung to him so faithfully amidst all the misfortunes of life. It also strengthened his digestion, and enabled him to consume enormous quantities of food without the slightest inconvenience. It is said that he was extremely fond of buttermilk, and would loiter around the dairy on churning days to obtain a supply. When he could not get buttermilk, he was contented with bonny-clabber and cottage-cheese. Many a sickly youth in our large cities would be benefited by such a system of diet, and might become a stout, athletic man, instead of looking like a puny exotic, soon to wither and fade away. Vigorous constitutions are necessary to enable men to conquer in the great battle of life; and nearly every distinguished personage in this country, from George Washington to Daniel Webster, was born and reared amidst rural scenery.

"Nourished on buttermilk and bonny-clabber, M. T. Pate grew rapidly, and becoming quite a big boy, began to exercise the privilege of thinking for himself. His sagacious intuition, even at that early age, enabled him to perceive that although the cultivation of the soil was an honorable, useful, and healthful occupation, its tendency to increase his pecuniary resources was exceedingly doubtful, as there was no probability that he would ever become the owner of a farm, either by descent or purchase. So he determined to engage in mercantile pursuits, as offering greater facilities for the speedy acquisition of wealth. With this end in view, he went into a store in which crockery was sold; and here he remained during three entire years, first in the capacity of shop-boy and afterwards as salesman.

"While thus actively engaged in commerce, his industry was untiring and his economy almost without a precedent. In those early days of his eventful career this eminent man was frequently seen on the street following a customer and carrying articles of crockery-ware which had been purchased. On one occasion he met with a serious misfortune; for while walking in the wake of an old gentlewoman, and carrying in his hand a vessel intended for her sleeping apartment, he inadvertently trod on an orange-peeling, and was precipitated forward on the pavement with such force as to break the brittle piece of pottery into atoms and cause the blood to stream from his nostrils. This was the only occasion on which he ever received a reprimand from his employer; and he bore the severe trial with fortitude and resignation.

"For services rendered on various occasions, he frequently received gratuities from the purchasers at the store; and having resolved to become rich as rapidly as possible, he procured a little brown jug with an opening in its side, just wide enough to admit a quarter of a dollar edgewise. In this treasury he carefully deposited his earnings; and had it not been for this commendable economy, the world might never have seen him in the exalted positions which he afterwards occupied; for a commercial crisis occurring, the store was closed, and, like a ship struck by a sudden squall, he was thrown on his beam-end. But the solid contents of the little brown jug afforded him sufficient ballast, and he thus succeeded in gallantly weathering the storm.

"A great man, struggling with adversity, is a spectacle upon which the good-natured old gods of Greece and Rome are said to have gazed with more than ordinary interest. It is impossible to imagine a more sublime example of patience and perseverance than that exhibited by M. T. Pate in his early days, when he first broke open his little brown jug and counted his coppers and quarters. His rigid economy had resulted in a considerable accumulation of coin, and an accurate enumeration of the contents of his treasury exhibited the sum of two hundred and sixty-four dollars and thirty-seven and a half cents, all in specie. With these resources he determined to begin the battle of life in earnest, and to become a great man as speedily and as cheaply as possible. The pious old lady, who had furnished him with one of his names, now urged him to enter upon a course of theological studies, so that she might soon have the satisfaction of seeing him in holy orders and on the high road to a bishopric. But upon inquiry, he ascertained that to become a bishop it would be necessary for him to understand Hebrew as well as Greek; and he was apprehensive that before he could master even the rudiments of those difficult languages the accumulations of his industry and economy would be entirely exhausted. The good old lady promised him pecuniary assistance, and thus encouraged he began with the Greek; but his hopes were soon blasted by a singular misfortune, which deprived the church of one of its brightest ornaments, and multitudes of sinners of the counsel and consoling advice of a learned, pious, and venerated pastor. Upon a bright morning in May, as he sat at an open window, repeating the letters of Cadmus aloud, his benefactress, who was in the garden below with a negro servant named Alfred, engaged in horticultural pursuits, was shocked by hearing certain sounds, which in her ignorance and simplicity she supposed to be of terrible significance. She rushed into the house and began to upbraid the astonished student with his base ingratitude and treachery. In vain did the unfortunate victim of her lamentable ignorance protest his entire innocence. She had the highest kind of evidence—that of her own senses—against the plea of not guilty. Had she not heard him say, and reiterate it again and again, 'Alfred, beat her! d—d her! pelt her?' She would listen to no explanation, but indignantly ordered him to get out of her house. Her anger burned perpetually, like the lamp of a vestal virgin, and from that time forth she would have nothing to say to him. Thus was the unlucky youth thrown once more upon his beam-end, and was compelled to abandon all hope of ever becoming a bishop."

Here the reading was interrupted by Tom Seddon, who exclaimed,—

"Toney, you had better leave that out. Nobody will believe that Pate, who was about to commence his theological studies, would sit on the sill of the window and swear so profanely at the pious old lady in the garden——"

Tom was here interrupted by a loud laugh from the Professor.

"You do not see the point," said Toney.

"What is it?" asked Tom.

"Why," said the Professor, "Pate was repeating the first four Greek letters, Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, and the old woman supposed that he was swearing."

"Oh, that's it!" said Tom. "I was dull, indeed!"

"But," said the Professor, "I think that I have heard this anecdote before."

"Undoubtedly you have," said Toney. "Pate is a much older man than you. He was the unlucky student who met with this sad misfortune. It happened when you were in your nurse's arms. You heard the anecdote after you grew up, but never learned until now that the student was M. T. Pate. But shall I resume my reading?"

"Do so," said the Professor. "I am much interested."

Toney took up the manuscript, and read:

"Having been constrained to give up the gospel, he determined to betake himself to the study of law, in which a knowledge neither of Hebrew nor of Greek was necessary. Having labored at Latin for a few weeks, he entered a law-school, where he continued for some time; the contents of the little brown jug miraculously holding out like the oil in the widow's cruse, owing to his great economy. It is not to be supposed that even this able jurist could without an earnest effort overcome every obstacle which lies in the path of the student of law. On the contrary, when he first encountered Coke, he was much discouraged and sometimes afflicted with fits of despondency. But plucking up courage, he went vigorously to work, and in six weeks had mastered all the learning of that great and voluminous author which he believed it possible for any human intellect ever to comprehend. In performing this Herculean labor he scratched a considerable quantity of hair from his head; and continuing this singular practice during the whole course of his studies, before he had finished the fourth book of Blackstone,

"In other words, he became a bald Pate," said Tom.

"Mr. Seddon," said the Professor, "you are strangely forgetful of the admonition to speak reverently when you refer to a depilous cranium. Now, here you are punning with the most unbecoming levity on a nude noddle. You had better beware! Although there are no she-bears in this vicinity to perform their painful duty, you may not escape with impunity."

"Peccavi," said Tom.

"Absolution is granted;" said the Professor. "Toney, proceed with the reading."

Toney resumed:

"A celebrated Irish barrister attributed his success in the profession to the fact that he started without property of any sort save only a pair of hair-trigger pistols. M. T. Pate carried no carnal weapons. He had neither hair-trigger pistols nor much hair on his head; but he had a little learning, which is said to be a dangerous thing. When he was admitted to practice, the contents of the little brown jug had been expended; and he started in his profession with a vigorous constitution and a small volume of legal lore, entitled 'Every Man his own Lawyer.'

"The members of the legal fraternity are indebted to M. T. Pate for an important discovery immediately subsequent to his admission to the bar. We are told—

and we find that the poet selects as an appropriate symbol of his delightful occupation 'the dew-sweet eglantine.' The soldier chooses

The young maiden selects the rosebud, and the weeping widow the cypress. The lover's flower is the myrtle; the player's, the hyacinth; the pugilist's, the fennel. But there never was a symbol for the legal profession until the sagacity of M. T. Pate discovered it in the arbutus unedo, or strawberry, which, upon a careful perusal of Flora's lexicon, he found to be emblematic of perseverance. And as the gladiators of ancient Rome were accustomed to mingle large quantities of fennel with their food, because it tended to give them strength and courage, so did this industrious lawyer never fail, when an opportunity offered, to devour a great abundance of strawberries; being fully persuaded that the fruit imparted a wonderful degree of patience and perseverance. In the spring strawberries and cream were consumed by him in immense quantities; and at other seasons of the year the preserved fruit was never absent from his table."

"Mr. Seddon," said the Professor, "pay attention to that. You are a young lawyer, and I would advise you to have the example of M. T. Pate ever in contemplation."

"I most certainly will," said Seddon.

"Never turn your back on a bowl of strawberries and cream," said the Professor.

"Never!" exclaimed Seddon,—"never!"

"Be assured," said the Professor, with much solemnity, "that a sincere devotion to this delicious little berry will finally bring its reward. It will enable you to wait with admirable patience for the big case which is to come and place you prominently before the public. Toney, excuse this interruption. Read on,—I am becoming deeply interested."

Toney proceeded with the reading as follows:

"We occasionally meet with an instance of the falsification of the old adage that fools are the recipients of fortune's favors; for this illustrious man, at the very outset of his professional career, met with no ordinary good luck. A few days subsequent to his admission to the bar, the pious old maiden, whose deplorable ignorance of the Greek alphabet had deprived one profession of an ornament and added it to another, left these sublunary scenes for her supernal abode in Abraham's bosom. She had never forgotten nor forgiven the supposed ingratitude of her former protÉgÉ. So far from this, she had, on every occasion, denounced him, with all the vehemence of virtuous indignation, as the black-hearted instigator of a meditated assault on her person. What, then, was his astonishment when he found that she had left a will in which she had bestowed on him all her worldly possessions. This testamentary document had been executed many years anterior to the melancholy event which had caused so wide a breach between them. She had put it carefully away and must have entirely forgotten it; for had her mind once reverted to the circumstance of its existence, nothing short of a supermundane interposition could have saved it from the devouring flames. She left him a beautiful farm, and personal property to a considerable amount, with the unusual proviso in the will that he should be a bishop. Some of her relatives seemed disposed, at first, to contend for the property, on the ground that as he was not a bishop he could not claim under the will. But this learned jurist cited the legal maxim lex non cogit ad impossibilia, and said that although he was not a bishop at that particular period, he would endeavor to carry out the intentions of the testatrix by becoming one as soon as a favorable opportunity should offer. To manifest his sincerity he immediately became a devout member of the church, and would sometimes read the service when the pastor was absent; and this he continued to do even after his secular duties had got to be exceedingly onerous; being apprehensive of trouble about his title unless he observed this wise precaution. Thus was this threatened lawsuit nipped in the bud; and M. T. Pate took peaceable possession of his beautiful farm, which he soon found was mortgaged nearly to the extent of its actual value in the market.

"Pecuniary difficulties, like the rowels of a Spanish spur applied to the flanks of a donkey, impel a man onward in his career. Now, let no one imagine that we perceive any particular resemblance between this eminent jurist and an ass; and we hope that none of his numerous and ardent admirers will be shocked by the simile which we have employed, for it is not only appropriate in its present connection but it is undoubtedly classical. The mighty Ajax was compared by Homer to an ass; but it was only to show what sturdy qualities he possessed, and what an immense amount of beating he could stubbornly endure. With intentions equally as innocent, we have likened the eminent M. T. Pate to an ass, merely to show how stoutly he stood up under the burden he bore, and how he was impelled to vigorous efforts by the spur of necessity. Had his beautiful farm been unincumbered, he might have remained in obscurity, up to his knees in clover, and daily growing fatter and more lazy in the luxuriant pastures of prosperity. But with the burden of a heavy mortgage on his back, and the rowels of pecuniary difficulties goring his flanks, he got briskly into motion, and in his onward career, whether by accident or otherwise, took the right direction, and finally reached the glorious goal at which so many are aiming, but which so few will ever attain."

"What glorious goal has Pate reached?" asked the Professor.

"You forget the observations with which I prefaced the reading of the manuscript," said Toney. "This is only the first chapter of what is intended to be a very voluminous work. It is true that M. T. Pate has not yet reached the goal designated, but long before I have written the concluding portion of his biography I am confident that you will behold him on the very pinnacle of the temple of fame."

"Toney is a prophet," said Tom. "He truly predicted what has since happened to the two young ladies and their lovers who have gone to the Mexican war."

"Poor Claribel!" said Toney. "I sincerely wish that my vaticinations had not been verified."

"Pooh! pooh!" said the Professor. "Their lovers have taken wing and flown away, but they will come back little turtle-doves in the spring, and then, after a little billing and cooing, you will see two pretty pairs building their nests. And besides, although love is a disease which is supposed to attack the heart, it is seldom fatal in its results."

"Is it not?" said Tom.

"Why, no," said the Professor. "Dora jilted me, and am I dead? Ecce homo! fat and flourishing, and the founder of the sect of Funny Philosophers."

"I would really like to know the condition of Claribel's health," said Toney.

"It had much improved when I called and made inquiry this morning," said Tom. "But I thought that I was about to witness war and bloodshed in the house."

"How so?" asked Toney.

"Hostilities have broken out between the two doctors," said Tom. "They were quarreling in the hall when I entered, and left the house shaking their fists in each other's faces."

"What about?" inquired Toney.

"I was unable to ascertain," said Tom.

"Well, never mind," said the Professor. "Who shall decide when doctors disagree? Toney, let us hear the concluding portion of your manuscript. But, by Jove! what's that?"

A loud noise was heard in the street; men shouting and boys hurrahing. Tom Seddon snatched up his hat, and, followed by Toney and the Professor, ran from the room.