Gladys. Well, somebody has to get up enough energy for a little bit of Christmas decorating, with father and Joe both away. Maybe I’ll get a tumble, but it will be in a good cause.

(Enter Marie, with tray.)

Gladys. O Marie put your tray down and help me fix up this place so it will look more like Christmas and less like an apartment.

Marie. (politely). Yes, Miss Gladys, (aside). It is a pleasure to see some cheerfulness. The madame! (imitating). Marie, the coffee is weak, the rolls are cold, the grapefruit is impossible! (sets down tray).

Gladys. You hang a wreath in the window, and I’ll fix this rope of green over the door. (Marie and Gladys arrange greens.)

Gladys. Now that is something like.

Marie. Miss Gladys, I will remove the tray, for madam would disapprove of it remaining here.

Gladys. (stepping down from chair). Yes, and I might put my foot in her blue and gold coffee cup, and she would disapprove still more.

(Exit Marie with tray.)

(Enter Mrs. Worthington.)

Mrs. W. (languidly). Good morning, Gladys.

Gladys. (cheerfully). Good morning, mother. Just in time to open Aunt Louisa’s Christmas box.

(Mrs. W. seats herself and takes up bottle of smelling salts.)

Mrs. W. (listlessly). I really am not interested especially in your Aunt Louisa’s box. It is past my comprehension why when she is a woman of such plain, not to say plebeian taste, she and your uncle should enjoy a comfortable income, when we are obliged to strive so hard to keep up the appearance which our social position demands.

Gladys. (calling). Marie! Bring a screwdriver or a nail file or something and we’ll open the box. Well, mother, maybe Aunt Louisa economizes more than we do, but my definition is that economy is spending your money in such a manner that you don’t get any pleasure out of it.

(Enter Marie.)

Gladys. Thank you, Marie. Now let’s open the box. (Both try to pry up lid, and finally are successful.)

Gladys. Now mother, brace up, there’s a nice lady, and take some interest in your pretty gifts.

Mrs. W. (carelessly). Gladys, I have told you I am too nervous to take an interest in anything today. (changing tone). How shocking! Why your aunt has stuffed the box with newspapers! Newspapers for packing Christmas gifts! What execrable ignorance! Marie, take them out quickly!

Marie. (respectfully). Yes madam. (aside). Madam is not too nervous to take an interest now.

(Exit Marie.)

Gladys. (smiling). O that’s a novelty mother. Holly seals and red ribbon are monotonous.

Gladys. (taking out parcel, and unwrapping it). O how charming, mother! Here is a hat for me to wear on Fifth Avenue! I’ll try it on!

Mrs. W. (paralyzed with indignation). O what can your aunt Louisa be thinking of! To insult me in this manner! That hat! How atrocious! Marie take it out of my sight!

Marie. (respectfully). Yes madam. (aside, holding up hat to audience). A charming token from the beloved relatives!

(Exit Marie.)

Mrs. W. (gasping). Gladys! My smelling salts! It is incomprehensible! What will your father say!

Gladys. (laughing). He will say that it is exclusive and that you won’t find another in New York like it. (unwraps parcel, and takes out moth-eaten cape). This is an evening wrap, which you can wear to the opera to-morrow evening. (examining cape). It looks as if the moth family and their relatives had been having an informal supper on this stylish garment.

Mrs. W. Gladys how can you laugh? I shall not recover from this shock for a year!

(Enter Marie.)

Mrs. W. Marie, take that thing and tell the ashman to give it to his poor relations!

Marie. (respectfully). Yes madam! (aside). Such a charming wrap, I almost fear to touch it! (carries it gingerly).

(Exit Marie.)

Gladys. My dear brother is not forgotten I am glad to see! These ties will cultivate a love of beauty.

Mrs. W. And my poor boy must be insulted too! Terrible, terrible! (uses smelling salts).

(Enter Marie.)

Mrs. W. Marie give these ties to your cousin, the policeman that comes to call. He can wear them when he is off duty.

Marie. Thank you for your kindness, Madam. (aside). Alphonse wear ties like these? Never!

Gladys. (satirically). Aunt Louisa remembers that you are an invalid, and has sent this negligee (hands shabby eiderdown robe to her mother).

Mrs. W. (in agitation). Gladys, how you can laugh at my poor health, is more than I can comprehend, and why your Aunt Louisa should have chosen to make me the target of her insults is more than I can understand. Marie, give it to the rag man.

Marie. Yes madam. (aside). I fear he would not accept it.

(Exit Marie.)

Gladys. Well, mother, brother and I are some targets too. Here’s a dress to wear to the Van Schuyler’s tea, and here’s a very nifty suit for Rob. (exhibits faded gingham, and patched suit). The gingham however is a bit decollette, but it has the fashionable short skirt.

Mrs. W. I am mortified beyond expression that Marie should witness this frightful scene. Marie!

Gladys. What makes you subpoena her as a witness then?

(Enter Marie.)

Marie. You called Madam?

Mrs. W. (with dignity). Marie put these shocking garments where I shall never see or hear of them again.

Marie. Yes, madam.

Gladys. (rummaging in box). Wait a minute Marie, and save your steps. Here are a couple more offerings that will need your kind care. (unwraps shawl). Dearest mother, a fleecy shawl for your shoulders, to shield you from the chill winds. (attempts to place shawl about her mother’s shoulders).

Mrs. W. (screaming). Gladys! Take it away. How horrible! The thing isn’t a shawl, it’s a moth-hole!

Gladys. (continuing). I feared that my dear father was to be forgotten, but he too is remembered. (holds up overcoat). An overcoat, neat but not gaudy, with a pleasing openwork effect in the lining.

Mrs. W. (sinks back in chair). I am overcome. Marie, take these abominable things away. I shall never recover from this shock, and I shall never forget this insult. (dries her eyes). And I shall write your Aunt Louisa at once and tell her in unmistakable language, my opinion of her, in sending to me, to me a box evidently intended for the almshouse!

CURTAIN.