(Curtain rises on same scene. Abner dozing, chin on chest, or head back, mouth open. Voice outside, “That sure was good pie, Aunt Susan.” Abner wakens, rises.)

Abner (soliloquizing).—That’s just it! The others all in there eatin’ pie, an’ me got to redd up the settin’ room like a sissy! (Picks up a few articles in a discontented manner.) Christmas tree! Much chance there is of being something for me on that tree! I guess stinginess must run in Miss Susan’s family, for when her brother and his wife spent Christmas here last year, do you s’pose they brought Miss Susan a present? Nix! Christmas morning brother says (mimicking) “Merry Christmas, dear Susan! We wish to give you a useful gift and no foolish trumpery, so Amelia and I decided to pay for having your henhouse whitewashed as it needs it badly.” Then that there generous giver he turns to me and says, “Abner, my boy (mimicking), I do not wish to forget you, and I have noticed that a pane in your bedroom window is broken, so I will have it fixed at my expense.” Yessum, that there gentleman literally and figuratively gives me a pane!

(Continues work, whistling over and over—)

Well I s’pose now I have performed the noble duties of a vacuum cleaner enough to satisfy Miss Susan, an’ here comes them pie-eaters!

(Enter all except Aunt Susan.)

Edith.—I really think we ought to give some presents to this dear old lady who has been so good to us. Let’s hang up a stocking for her. Abner, you get one, there’s a good boy.

(Exit Abner, returns immediately with stocking, and meanwhile guests rummage through valises for suitable gifts.)

Abner.—I’ll contribute the pair of red socks she gave me.

Edith.—How ungrateful! I’m going to put in this pretty lace handkerchief.

Priscilla.—Here’s the jelly I was going to give Uncle Joshua. He’ll never know the difference.

Tom.—Right-O. What you don’t know don’t hurt you. That’s a good motto.

Rastus.—Dis here am a rabbit foot, an’ it will sholy bring de Madam good luck. An’ whenever she travels on de Limited I’ll sholy see dat she is taken care of. I’ll steal a magazine from de train boy, and pinch a box of chocolates when he ain’t lookin’ an’ I’ll tell de waiter in de diner to make out her check wrong so she gets twice as much as she pays for.

Miss Priscilla.—What a shocking sense of honor.

Rastus.—Yes, Miss, I’m a genelman of honor, an’ when a lady is as kind as de Madam here, I suttinly would study to pay her back. I’d even put some of de neighbors’ hens in her henhouse. Here am a couple of silver spoons for de lady. (Brings spoons from pocket.)

Edith.—(Examining spoon). C. P. R. That’s Canadian Pacific Railroad.

Rastus (with dignity).—No, Miss. Dat means Colored Pusson’s Remembrance.

(Enter Susan.)

All.—Merry Christmas.

Edith.—This is a little token of appreciation of your kindness, which we hope you will accept. (Hands stocking to Aunt Susan.)

Abner.—Nobody says nothin’ about my kindness for workin’ overtime trampin’ out in the snow for the tree. I’ll join the hired man’s union and strike for only sixteen hours a day.

Susan.—Well, I never. I ain’t hung up a Christmas stocking for forty years.

Edith.—What do you suppose became of that man in the car with us who said he was an inventor and spent all his time drawing on brown paper with a stubby pencil?

Tom.—I think he was inventing a convertible submarine, one that could be turned into an air ship when necessary.

Miss Prudence.—Maybe he has frozen to death upon the train.

(Knock at door and enter Inventor.)

Inventor.—Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Madam, will you permit me to avail myself of the shelter of your home? When the other passengers left the train I was so absorbed in a drawing I was making that I did not observe their departure until a few minutes ago. So seeing the lights of your farm-house I started across the snow.

Susan.—You are very welcome. Abner, take the gentleman’s hat and coat.

(Inventor hands hat and overcoat to Abner and absentmindedly gives him a tip.)

Abner.—Thank you, sir.

Rastus.—Hey you, don’t be buttin’ into Pullam porter’s work.

Edith.—Merry Christmas to you.

Inventor.—O dear me. It is Christmas isn’t it. I had forgotten all about it.

Rastus.—Yes, sir, this am the happy Christmas time when everybody gives presents, specially to them what has blackened their shoes and brushed their overcoats and waited on them in the diner. Folks gives them pussons presents like fifty cent pieces an’ dollar bills to show their appreciation an’ gratitude.

Abner.—Well, Rastus, you come round here this spring and I’ll give you an asparagus tip.

Inventor.—Ladies, gentlemen and Rastus!

Rastus.—What’s dat? Ladies, gen’l’men and Rastus!

Inventor.—Surely. You’re not a lady, are you? Your youth and inexperience precludes the possibility of your exercising a gentleman’s prerogatives, and therefore having eliminated all surrounding superfluities you remain—just Rastus; that’s all.

Rastus.—Jes’ so! When de wissle blows, fo’ ev’rybody else it means dinner time, but fo’ me its jes’ twelve o’clock an’ dat’s all.

Inventor.—Correct. To resume. Ladies, gentlemen and Rastus. You all have contributed to the success of the Christmas party. (To Tom.) Doubtless this young giant hewed this mighty monarch of the forest (points to tree) and single-handed and alone bore it upon his capacious back to this hospitable domicile for our delectation.

Abner.—Well, I never! After all the work I done dragging that there tree through them there drifts!

Inventor (continuing).—And the ladies by decorating the tree in this most artistic manner (girls courtesy), and this estimable friend by offering us her hospitality, so I would like to contribute to the evening’s pleasure.

Rastus.—Yessir! You shall sholy contribute. Where’s a genelman’s hat for de c’lection box!

Inventor.—So I will have a new invention of mine which is in the baggage car brought here, with this lady’s kind permission.

Susan.—Certainly, I am greatly interested in new inventions. Abner, go over to the train and get the gentleman’s box. The porter will help you. Abner, are you asleep again?

Abner.—Nothing to do till to-morrow. Plow through them drifts again? I ain’t no snowplow, Miss Susan. Have a heart can’t you?

Susan.—You should be glad to do anything to give others happiness.

Abner.—Come on, Rastus. All aboard for the North Pole. (Go out whistling.)

Susan.—It is such a great pleasure to have you young folks all here, for Abner and I would have spent a very quiet Christmas together, and this really seems like a very festive celebration. My father was always a great hand for keeping Christmas, and he contrived to combine generosity with economy in a very remarkable manner. I remember one year he purchased a china cup for my mother, and desiring to prolong her pleasure in the gift he gave her the cup alone for Christmas and the saucer for her birthday in April.

Edith.—My Aunt Malvina is a great hand for giving useful presents, and one Christmas she gave the boys a rubber doormat, and Lilian, her little girl, a set of soup spoons.

Miss Priscilla.—I’m thankful that this tie is almost completed, and I’m sure that it will please my nephew who is most elegant and refined in his tastes. (Exhibits tie.)

(Voices without are heard.)

“Easy there!”

“Hey, you, Abner. Doan you drop dat ar on my toes!”

“Givin’ me all the weight.”

“I ain’t! Hol’ on dar!”

“Look out, you’ll smash the door!”

“Easy! Whoa dar, Abner!”

(Enter Rastus and Abner. Draw aside curtain and reveal Wishing Box.)

Rastus.—Here she am, sah! Nigh as heavy as a Mogul locomotive.

Abner.—Jiminy! My feet are cold! Where’s them slippers?

Inventor.—Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the wonder of the ages!

Edith.—How interesting.

Inventor.—I will explain it if you desire.

Miss Priscilla.—I am sure it will be most edifying.

Rastus.—If there am gwine to be speechifyin’ I reckon you an’ me had better fortify ourselves with popcorn, Abner. (Abner, and Rastus take strings of popcorn from the tree unobserved and eat them.)

Inventor (as if lecturing).—Ladies and gentlemen, it affords me great pleasure to address this cultured and intelligent audience.

Rastus (aside).—That’s us, Abner, cultured an’ intelligent!

Inventor.—My invention is the result of years of study, experimentation and research and is destined to fill a long felt want.

Tom (aside).—That’s what they say about every new rat-trap, egg-beater, dictionary, or patent hairpin.

Inventor.—One of the secrets of the psychological unrest which characterizes the human race is that each person desires, in short, to be someone else. The poor man wishes he were rich, the rich man would like to be a boy again, the young would like to be old, and the old young. Now by means of my remarkable invention, these wishes may be gratified either permanently or temporarily.

Edith.—You really mean that any one can be transformed into somebody else by stepping into the wishing box?

Inventor.—Precisely, my dear young lady, and I desire to offer as a Christmas gift to this pleasant little assembly the transformation which each one desires.

Abner.—Well, I wish (clapping his hand to his mouth) I nearly put my foot into it that time!

Tom.—Your mouth?

Edith.—Aunt Susan, you make the first wish.

Rastus.—Wish for a watermelon, or a possum, or fried chicken.

Susan.—I know a lot of things I wanted when I was a young girl, but I ain’t young no more. (Regretfully.) I wish I didn’t have gray hair.

Inventor.—You made your wish, Aunt Susan. Hop into the box.

Susan (as she gets in).—Mercy sakes, it’s all the hair I have, I don’t want to be bald.

(Inventor grinds policeman’s rattle a few moments, and assists Aunt Susan out, who now, having removed wig, has hair in long braid.)

Edith.—What lovely hair. Do let me arrange it for you, Aunt Susan. (Arranges hair, while next character enters box.)

Inventor (to spinsters).—Now, ladies?

Priscilla.—Well, it may be a foolish wish, but (looks toward sister who nods) we would like to be young again.

Inventor.—Very easily done. Step right into the magic box.

(The two spinsters assisted by the porter enter the box and emerge again, having removed cloaks and let down hair, and are seen in girlish dresses. They look in the mirror and smile at each other.)

Inventor.—Now for our teachers?

Miss Wise.—I have consulted my friends, and we agree that we would rather have a year’s vacation than anything else.

Inventor.—A sensible wish. (Draws three envelopes from box.) Here, ladies, you will find leave of absence with salary for a year, and trust that you will spend a delightful vacation.

Abner.—Well, I wish I could be a soap salesman so the girls would take some notice of me, like that feller that comes round here every once in awhile an’ sells perfumery and stuff.

Inventor.—Very well, young man, step into the box and your wish shall be granted.

Abner.—Goodbye chores! And bossy cows and pigs and chickens, I’m going on the road.

Susan.—Mercy! I don’t know how I can get along without Abner. He was very troublesome sometimes but he was a helpful boy, and a splendid hand with the pigs and chickens. (Business of rattle, etc. Abner comes out of the box).

Abner.—Ladies and gentlemen, permit me to bring to your observation our famous Scrubit Soap the wonder of the century, the marvel of the ages and the apex, acme, and ne plus ultra of our civilization. Soap, ladies and gentlemen, soap. I appeal to your——

Edith.—O for pity sakes, we can’t hear ourselves think.

Miss Markus.—How delightful it is to think that we won’t have to teach for a whole year.

Abner.—Ladies, I perceive that you now have your pay envelope. May I suggest that you devote a little of your money to the purchase of soap? I have many varieties here. Nifty Soap for Nice People, Pink Powder for Particular Persons, and Diamond Dust which makes washday an occasion of rejoicing equal to Fourth of July, Valentine or Christmas?

Susan.—Abner, what has come over you?

Inventor.—It is simply my wonderful invention, madam, and instead of being tied down to the pursuit of agriculture which was evidently distasteful to him, he has now entered the mercantile world.

Abner.—Miss Susan, here is Cleanup Soap for tired toilers, especially good for farmhands.

Tom.—Have you a little hired boy in your home?

Miss Susan.—O don’t pester me!

Abner.—Is any one here interested in a hand laundry?

Miss Susan.—Hand laundry? I should say not! Just think of folks bein’ too plum lazy to wash their own hands.

Abner (to porter).—Rastus, here is a bleacher which I think would help you.

Rastus.—Massy sakes! Bleach me? I’d like to be white all right!

Inventor.—Well, Rastus, you’ve made your wish. Into the box with you!

Rastus.—O no! Massa I was only being facetious like!

Tom.—A wish is a wish, into the box with you!

(Rushes Rastus into the box, etc. Business of rattle. The substitute Rastus emerges.)

Rastus.—That sholy am a wonderful box.

Abner.—Can I sell you some skin food?

Rastus.—Why, I feed my mouf, I don’t feed mah skin!

Tom (to Edith).—Why, Sis, you haven’t had your wish. Fire away.

Edith.—It sounds silly, but I want to be a young lady, so that I can go to parties.

Inventor.—Foolish child, stay young while you can. Get into the box though.

(Edith enters, and emerges in party dress, with fan and flowers.)

Tom.—Well, I wish I were a college fellow for they have no end of a good time!

Inventor.—Into the box with you, young man, and we’ll transform you into a Rah! Rah! boy in no time.

(Tom emerges from box with college cap, college sweater, carrying college flag.)

Tom.—This is fine fellows! Give three cheers for the wishing box!

(Leads cheers.)

Abner.—A college education is an excellent thing but I prefer life in the great mercantile world, and what could be more stimulating to health, happiness and psychological contentment than the dissemination of useful articles conducive to cheerfulness and cleanliness which when once tried, always used. Let me call you attention to these novelties especially appropriate and appreciated as Christmas gifts for mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins, wives, daughters, sweethearts, and others. Lilac Lotion for Lovely Ladies, twenty-five cents per bottle, this trifling sum including not only the lotion itself but bottle, cork, wrapping paper, high grade string and advertising matter which is both interesting and instructive.

(Exhibits bottle.)

Edith.—O who wants your Lilac Lotion for Lovely Ladies?

Abner.—Correct, miss, absolutely, unreservedly and undoubtedly correct, for there are many ladies who are not lovely. For them I have (producing a bottle) Helps for the Homely, First Aid to the Fat, and the Fiji Freckle-Killer.

Inventor (pointing to Abner).—You see, ladies and gentlemen, the complete change which my wishing box has wrought. He’s even lost his whistle.

Susan.—Somehow I don’t think Abner is specially improved.

Rastus.—Hark! I done hear a snowplow moseyin’ along. I guess this here Christmas party will have to be adjournin’.

(Whistle is heard.)

Tom.—Ladies and gentlemen, fellow-citizens and fellow-travelers, I move that before we adjourn to the Limited we give three cheers for Faraway Farm and Miss Susan. (Repeat yell, ending Miss Susan.)

Tom.—Now, three cheers for the Inventor and his Wishing Box.

(Repeat yell ending “Inventor! Merry Christmas!”)

(If desired local cheers may be given as the curtain falls.)