  "Why should I not read it," thought Horatio, hesitating, with the MSS. of Life in Eton half opened in his hand. A little Chesterfield deity, called Prudence, whispered—"Caution." "Well, Miss Hypocrisy," quoth the Student, "what serious offence shall I commit against propriety or morality by reading a whimsical jeu-d'esprit, penned to explain the peculiar lingual localisms of Eton, and display her chief characteristic follies." "It is slang," said Prudence. "Granted," said Horatio: "but he who undertakes to depict real life must not expect to make a pleasing or a correct picture, without the due proportions of light and shade. 'Vice to be hated needs but to be seen.' Playful satire may do more towards correcting the evil than all the dull lessons of sober-tongued morality can ever hope to effect." Candour, who just then happened to make a passing call, was appointed referee; and, without hesitation, agreed decidedly with Horatio.{1} 1 Life at Eton will not, I hope, be construed into any intention of the author's to follow in the track of any previous publication: his object is faithfully to delineate character, not to encourage vulgar phraseology, or promulgate immoral sentiment. There's Jolly Jem,{32} who keeps his punt, And dogs to raise the siller; Of cads, the captain of the hunt, A right and tight good miller. Next Barney Groves,{33} a learned wight, The impounder of cattle, Dilates on birth and common right, And threats black slugs with battle. Big George {34} can teach the use of fives, Or pick up a prime terrier; Or spar, or keep the game alive, With beagle, bull, or harrier. Savager{35} keeps a decent nag, 32 Jem Miller was originally a tailor; but having dropt a stitch or two in early life, listed into a sporting regiment of Cads some years since; and being a better shot at hares and partridges than he was considered at the heavy goose, has been promoted to the rank of captain of the private tutors. Jem is a true jolly fellow; his house exhibits a fine picture of what a sportsman's hall should be, decorated with all the emblems of fishing, fowling, and hunting, disposed around in great taste. 33 Barney Groves, the haughward, or impounder of stray cattle at Eton, is one of the most singular characters I have ever met with. Among the ignorant Barney is looked up to as the fountain of local and legal information; and it is highly ludicrous to hear him expatiate on his favourite theme of "our birthrights and common rights;" tracing the first from the creation, and deducing argument in favor of his opinions on the second from doomsday book, through all the intricate windings of the modern inclosure acts. Barney is a great stickler for reform in College, and does not hesitate to attack the fellows of Eton (whom he denominates black slugs), on holding pluralities, and keeping the good things to themselves. As Barney's avocation compels him to travel wide, he is never interrupted by water; for in summer or winter he readily wades through the deepest places; he is consequently a very efficient person in a sporting party. 34 George Williams, a well-known dog fancier, who also teaches the art and science of pugilism. 35 Savager, a livery-stable keeper, who formerly used to keep a good tandem or two for hire, but on the interference of the head master, who interdicted such amusements as dangerous, they have been put down in Eton. But's very shy of lending, Since she put down her tandem drag,{36} For fear of Keates offending. But if you want to splash along In glory with a ginger,{37} Or in a Stanhope come it strong, Try Isaac Clegg,{38} of Windsor. If o'er old father Thames you'd glide, And cut the silvery stream; With Hester's{39} eight oars mock the tide, He well deserves a theme. There's Charley Miller, and George Hall,{40} Can beasts and birds restore, sir; And though they cannot bark or squall, Look livelier than before, sir. Handy Jack's {41} a general blade, There's none like Garraway, sir; Boats, ducks, or dogs, are all his trade, He'll fit you to a say, sir. 36 DR A G, London slang for tilbury, dennet, Stanhope, &c. 37 A GINGER, a showy, fast horse. 38 Isaac Clegg is in great repute for his excellent turn outs, and prime nags; and, living in Windsor, he is out of the jurisdiction of the head master. 39 Hester's boats are always kept in excellent trim. At Eton exercise on the water is much practised, and many of the scholars are very expert watermen: they have recently taken to boats of an amazing length, forty feet and upwards, which, manned with eight oars, move with great celerity. Every Saturday evening the scholars are permitted to assume fancy dresses; but the practice is now principally confined to the steersman; the rest simply adopting sailors' costume, except on the fourth of June, or election Saturday, when there is always a grand gala, a band of music, and fireworks, on the island in the Thames. 40 Miller and Hall, two famous preservers of birds and animals; an art in high repute among the Etonians. 41 A famous boatman, duck-hunter, dog-fighter; or, according to the London phrase—good at everything. Tom New {42} in manly sports is old, A tailor, and a trump, sir; And odd Fish Bill,{43} at sight of gold, Will steer clear of the bump,"{44} sir. A list of worthies, learn'd and great In every art and science, That noble youths should emulate, To set laws at defiance: The church, the senate, and the bar, By these in ethics grounded, Must prove a meteoric star, Of brilliancy compounded. Ye lights of Eton, rising suns, Of all that's great and godly; The nation's hope, and dread of duns, Let all your acts be motley. Learn arts like these, ye oppidan, If you'd astonish greatly The senate, or the great divan, With classics pure, and stately. Give Greek and Latin to the wind, Bid pedagogues defiance: These are the rules to grace the mind With the true gems of science. 42 Tom New, a great cricketer. 43 Bill Fish, a waterman who attends the youngest boys in their excursions. 44 The BUMP, to run against each other in the race. APOLLO'S VISIT TO ETON. The practice of thus distinguishing the rising talents of Eton is somewhat ancient. We have before us a copy of verses dated 1620, in which Waller, the poet, and other celebrated characters of his time, are particularised. At a still more recent period, during the mastership of the celebrated Doctor Barnard, the present earl of Carlisle, whose classical taste is universally admitted, distinguished himself not less than his compeers, by some very elegant lines: those on the late Right Hon. C. J. Fox we are induced to extract as a strong proof of the noble earl's early penetration and foresight. "How will my Fox, alone, by strength of parts. Shake the loud senate, animate the hearts Of fearful statesmen? while around you stand Both Peers and Commons listening your command. While Tully's sense its weight to you affords, His nervous sweetness shall adorn your words. What praise to Pitt,{1} to Townshend, e'er was due, In future times, my Pox, shall wait on you." At a subsequent period, the leading characters of the school were spiritedly drawn in a periodical newspaper, called the World, then edited by Major Topham, and the Rev. Mr. East, who is still, I believe, living, and preaches occasionally at Whitehall. From that publication, now very scarce, I have selected the following as the most amusing, and relating to distinguished persons. 1 The great Earl of Chatham. |
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