THE PURPLE COW | I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one. Gelett Burgess. |
THE YOUNG LADY OF NIGER | There was a young lady of Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a Tiger;
They came back from the ride
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the Tiger. Unknown. |
THE LAUGHING WILLOW | To see the Kaiser's epitaph
Would make a weeping willow laugh. Oliver Herford. |
SAID OPIE READ | Said Opie Read to E. P. Roe,
"How do you like Gaboriau?"
"I like him very much indeed!"
Said E. P. Roe to Opie Read. Julian Street and James Montgomery Flagg. |
MANILA | Oh, dewy was the morning, upon the first of May,
And Dewey was the admiral, down in Manila Bay;
And dewy were the Regent's eyes, them royal orbs of blue,
And do we feel discouraged? We do not think we do! Eugene F. Ware. |
ON THE ARISTOCRACY OF HARVARD | I come from good old Boston,
The home of the bean and the cod;
Where the Cabots speak only to Lowells,
And the Lowells speak only to God! Dr. Samuel G. Bushnell. |
ON THE DEMOCRACY OF YALE | Here's to the town of New Haven,
The home of the truth and the light;
Where God speaks to Jones in the very same tones,
That he uses with Hadley and Dwight! Dean Jones. |
THE HERRING | "The Herring he loves the merry moonlight
And the Mackerel loves the wind,
But the Oyster loves the dredging song
For he comes of a gentler kind." Sir Walter Scott. |
IF THE MAN | If the man who turnips cries,
Cry not when his father dies,
'Tis a proof that he had rather
Have a turnip than his father. Samuel Johnson. |
THE KILKENNY CATS | There wanst was two cats of Kilkenny,
Each thought there was one cat too many,
So they quarrell'd and fit,
They scratch'd and they bit,
Till, barrin' their nails,
And the tips of their tails,
Instead of two cats, there warnt any. Unknown. |
POOR DEAR GRANDPAPA | What is the matter with Grandpapa?
What can the matter be?
He's broken his leg in trying to spell
Tommy without a T. D'Arcy W. Thompson. |
MORE WALKS | Whene'er I take my walks abroad,
How many rich I see;
There's A. and B. and C. and D.
All better off than me! Richard Harris Barham. |
INDIFFERENCE | The cat is in the parlour,
The dog is in the lake;
The cow is in the hammock,—
What difference does it make? |
MADAME SANS SOUCI | "Bon jour, Madame Sans Souci;
Combien coÛtent ces soucis ci?"
"Six sous." "Six sous ces soucis ci!
C'est trop cher, Madame Sans Souci!" |
A RIDDLE | The man in the wilderness asked of me
How many strawberries grew in the sea.
I answered him as I thought good,
As many as red herrings grow in the wood. |
IF | If all the land were apple-pie,
And all the sea were ink;
And all the trees were bread and cheese,
What should we do for drink? |
THE END
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