  A LADY fair, of lineage high, Was loved by an ape, in the days gone by; The maid was radiant as the sun; So it would not do— His scheme fell through; For the maid, when his love took formal shape, Expressed such terror At his monstrous error, That he stammered an apology and made his ’scape, The picture of a disconcerted ape. With a view to rise in the social scale, He shaved his bristles and he docked his tail; He grew mustachios, and he took his tub, And he paid a guinea to a toilet club. But it would not do— The scheme fell through; For the maid was Beauty’s fairest queen, With golden tresses, Like a real princess’s, While the ape, despite his razor keen, Was the apiest ape that ever was seen! He bought white ties, and he bought dress suits; He crammed his feet into bright, tight boots; And to start his life on a brand-new plan, He christened himself Darwinian man! But it would not do— The scheme fell through; For the maiden fair, whom the monkey craved, Was a radiant being, With a brain far-seeing; While a man, however well behaved, At best is only a monkey shaved! W. S. Gilbert. |
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