  “WHY didst thou choose that cursed sin, Hypocrisy, to set up in?” “Because it is the thriving’st calling, The only saints’ bell that rings all in; In which all churches are concern’d, And is the easiest to be learn’d.” ...... Quoth he, “I am resolv’d to be Thy scholar in this mystery; And therefore first desire to know Some principles on which you go. What makes a knave a child of God, And one of us?” “A livelihood.” “What renders beating out of brains, And murder, godliness?” “Great gains.” “What’s tender conscience?” “’Tis a botch That will not bear the gentlest touch; But, breaking out, despatches more Than th’ epidemical’st plague-sore.” “What makes y’ encroach upon our trade, And damn all others?” “To be paid.” “What’s orthodox and true believing, Against a conscience?” “A good living.” “What makes rebelling against kings A good old cause?” “Administ’rings.” “What makes all doctrines plain and clear?” “About two hundred pounds a year.” “And that which was prov’d true before, “What makes the breaking of all oaths A holy duty?” “Food and clothes.” “What, laws and freedom, persecution?” “Being out of power and contribution.” “What makes a church a den of thieves?” “A dean and chapter, and white sleeves.” “And what would serve, if these were gone, To make it orthodox?” “Our own.” “What makes morality a crime, The most notorious of the time; Morality, which both the saints And wicked, too, cry out against?” “’Cause grace and virtue are within Prohibited degrees of kin; And therefore no true saint allows They shall be suffered to espouse.” Samuel Butler. |
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