WHILE at the helm of State you ride,

Our nation’s envy, and its pride;

While foreign courts with wonder gaze,

And curse those counsels that they praise;

Would you not wonder, sir, to view

Your bard a greater man than you?

Which that he is, you cannot doubt,

When you have read the sequel out.

You know, great sir, that ancient fellows,

Philosophers, and such folks, tell us,

No great analogy between

Greatness and happiness is seen.

If, then, as it might follow straight,

Wretched to be, is to be great,

Forbid it, gods, that you should try

What ’tis to be so great as I!

The family that dines the latest

Is in our street esteem’d the greatest;

But latest hours must surely fall

’Fore him who never dines at all.

Your taste in architect, you know,

Hath been admired by friend and foe;

But can your earthly domes compare

With all my castles—in the air?

We’re often taught, it doth behove us

Another instance of my glory,

Who live above you, twice two story,

And from my garret can look down

On the whole street of Arlington.

Greatness by poets still is painted

With many followers acquainted;

This, too, doth in my favour speak;

Your levÉe is but twice a week;

From mine I can exclude but one day—

My door is quiet on a Sunday.

Nor in the manner of attendance

Doth your great bard claim less ascendance;

Familiar, you to admiration

May be approached by all the nation;

While I, like the Mogul in Indo,

Am never seen but at my window.

If with my greatness you’re offended,

The fault is easily amended;

For I’ll come down, with wondrous ease,

Into whatever place you please.

I’m not ambitious; little matters

Will serve us, great but humble creatures.

Suppose a secretary o’ this isle,

Just to be doing with a while;

Admiral, general, judge, or bishop—

Or I can foreign treaties dish up.

If the good genius of the nation

Tuscan and French are in my head;

Latin I write, and Greek—I read.

If you should ask, What pleases best?

To get the most, and do the least.

What fittest for? You know, I’m sure:

I’m fittest for—a sinecure.