The bale consigned to O. U. Crook,

Upholsterer—marked, USE NO HOOK,

Was not curled hair or even moss,

Nor yet a mixture or a cross,

Excelsior!

"This Davenport was made to wear;

Fine leather and best camel hair!"

Said Crook (a patent skin all right,

But all the "hair" was out of sight).

Excelsior!

And so Crook sold the lounge or couch

To some poor Boob with gold-filled pouch;

And also sold an easy chair

(The Easy Mark was stuffed for fair.)

Excelsior!

And thus he plied his artful trade

(A better Craftsman ne'er was made)

Until the shavings, dyed and curled,

Resembled hair for all the world.

Excelsior!

O, baleful occupation his!

The way he made his mattresses

A mark-down sale Crook staged in time—

"Such bed-rock prices are a crime,"

"I get my hair by camel-train":

But all his "hair" was cut in Maine—

Excelsior!

And then a fire occurred at length

To bolster Crook's financial strength:

The glue that mocked the incensed air

Mistaken was for burning hair;

Excelsior!

Beware the pine-tree's fibrous heart!

But this gave Crook his fiscal start,

And now a tall, pine shaft is seen

Above Crook's grave; 'tis evergreen—

Excelsior!