THE EVILS OF DELAYED DECEASE

"I ain't been doin' my duty by Mrs. Macy lately," said Susan Clegg to Mrs. Lathrop; "I declare to goodness I've been so did up with the garden an' Elijah an' house cleanin' this last two weeks that I don't believe I've even thought of the other side of the crick since I begun. I ain't seen Mrs. Macy either an' maybe that's one reason why I ain't done nothin' about her, but it ain't surprisin' as I ain't seen her for she ain't been here—she's been over in Meadville stayin' with the Lupeys, an' I must say I'm right put out with Elijah for not puttin' it in the paper so I'd of knowed it afore. The idea of Mrs. Macy bein' in Meadville for over a week an' me not hearin' of it is a thing as makes me feel as maybe when Gabriel blows his horn I'll just merely sit up an' say, 'Did you call?' But anyway she's been away an' she's got back, an' when I heard it in the square to-day I did n't mince up no matters none but I just set my legs in her direction an' walked out there as fast as I could. It does beat all how many changes can come about in two weeks!—four more pickets has been knocked off the minister's fence an' most every one has hatched out their chickens since I was that way last, but I was n't out picketin' or chickenin'; I was out after Mrs. Macy an' I just kept a-goin' till I got to her."

"Was she—" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

"Yes, she was," replied Susan, "an' thank the most kind an' merciful Heavens, there was n't no one else there, so she an' I could just sit down together, an' it was n't nothin' but joy for her to tell me hide an' hair an' inside out of her whole visit. She got back day before yesterday an' she had n't even unpacked her trunk yet she was that wore out; you can judge from that how wore out she really is, for you know yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, as when Mrs. Macy is too wore out to dive head over heels into things, whether her own or other folks', she's been pretty well beat down to the ground. She was mighty glad to see me, though, even if she did n't come to the door, but only hollered from a chair, an' I don't know as I ever had a nicer call on her, for she went over everythin' inside out an' hind side before, an' it was nothin' but a joy for me to listen, for it seems she had a pretty sad visit first an' last what with being specially invited to sit up an' watch nights with Mrs. Kitts an' then stay to the funeral—"

"Funeral!" cried Mrs. Lathrop,—"I nev—"

"For after bein' specially invited to help lay her out an' go to the funeral," Susan repeated calmly, "Mrs. Kitts did n't die a tall."

"Oh!" said Mrs. Lathrop, terminating the whole of a remark, for once.

"No," said Susan, "an' every one else feels the same as you do about it, too, but it seems as it was n't to be this time. Mrs. Macy says as she never went through nothin' to equal these ten days dead or alive, an' she hopes so help her heaven to never sit up with anybody as has got anythin' but heart disease or the third fit of apoplexy hereafter. Why, she says Mr. Dill's eleven months with Mrs. Dill flat on her back was a child playin' with a cat an' a string in comparison to what the Lupeys an' her have been goin' through with Mrs. Kitts these ten days. She says all Meadville is witness to the way she's skinned 'em down to the bone. Mrs. Dill was give up by a doctor like a Christian, an' after the eleven months she did die, but Mrs. Kitts has been give up over an' over by doctor after doctor till there ain't one in the whole place as ain't mad at her about it; an' there she is livin' yet! Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Lupey is so wore out she can't talk of nothin' else. Mrs. Lupey feels very bitter over it; she says it's all of six years now since they turned the X-rays through her (an' Mrs. Macy says as Mrs. Lupey says she could sit right down an' cry to think how much them X-rays cost an' how little good they done), an' she says it's three years come April Fool's since old Dr. Carter tried her lungs with his new kinetoscope an' found 'em full of air an' nothin' else. Mrs. Lupey says she's always had so much faith in old Dr. Carter an' she had faith in him then, an' was so sweet an' trustin' when he come with the machine, an' after he was done she fully believed his word of honor as to everythin', an' that was why they went an' bought her that bell an' oh heavens alive, Mrs. Lathrop, I only wish you could hear Mrs. Macy on Mrs. Kitts' bell! It seems that kind of bell is a new invention an' as soon as any one is give up for good the doctor as gives 'em up sends a postal to the man as keeps 'em, an' then the man sends it for three days on trial an' then the family buy it, because it lets 'em all sleep easy. Well, Mrs. Macy says it's the quietest lookin' small thing you ever see, but she says Great Scott, Holy Moses, an' ginger tea, the way it works! You only need to put your hand on it an' just stir it an' it unhooks inside like one of them new patent mouse traps as catch you ten times to every once they catch a mouse, an' then it begins to ring like a fire alarm an' bang like the Fourth of July, an' it don't never stop itself again until some one as is perfectly healthy comes tearin' barefoot from somewhere to turn it over an' hook it up an' get Mrs. Kitts whatever she wants."

"I should—" suggested Mrs. Lathrop.

"I guess they would, too," said Susan; "I guess they'd be only too glad to. Why, Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Lupey says as it was all they could do to live in the house with her mother when she did n't have nothin' but a stick to pound on the floor with, but she says since she's got that bell—! Well! Mrs. Macy says as they're all four worn into just frazzles with it, an' Judy is got so nervous with it going off sudden when Busby an' she is thinkin' about other things that she begins twitchin' the minute the bell begins ringin' an' they've had to hire a electric battery to soothe her with while Faith an' Maria is racin' for the bell. Mrs. Macy says it's somethin' just awful first, last, an' forever, an' Mrs. Lupey told her in confidence as it was Heaven's own truth as they had n't none of them woke of their own accords once since it was bought."

"What—" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

"Well, Mrs. Macy says she's a pretty good judge of sick folks an' she judged Mrs. Kitts for all she was worth, an' she could n't feel as she ought in politeness to say anythin' 'cause the Lupeys sent her the round-trip ticket to go an' come back with. But she says just between her an' me an' not to let it go any further, that to her order of thinkin' (an' she'll take her Bible oath to it anywhere) Mrs. Kitts looks like one of those oldest survivor kinds as they print in the city Sunday papers every week. She says she ain't got the quiet, give-up manner of a person as is really quiet an' really givin' up—she's got the spry air of a person as likes to keep the whole family jumpin' quick whenever they speak. She says Mrs. Lupey says as she really does get awful low just often enough to keep their courage up, but Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Lupey is easy fooled because them's the sort as outlives all their families in the end always. But seems as her gettin' low an' then raisin' up again ain't the only tough part for it seems as she was so low last fall that they really felt safe to send Maria up to the city to buy their mournin' at a bargain sale for there's four of 'em an' they want the veils thick so they'll look sorry from the outside anyhow. And Maria did go, an'— Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I will say as to hear about it all does go through one even if it ain't my personal crape! Seems as the clerk asked Maria if it was for a deep family mournin' or just a light friendly mournin', an' Maria told him it was goin' to be for her grandmother. Seems he was n't very polite about it, coughed a good deal behind his hand an' such doin's, until Maria got real vexed an' so mad over thinkin' as maybe it was n't all coughin' as he was keepin' his hand over that she lost her wits an' went to work an' bought most twice the crape she needed just to show him as she was n't tryin' to save nothin' on her grandmother, whatever he might think. So now Mrs. Macy says, added to Mrs. Kitts an' the bell they've got the care of all that crape on their hands, an' the damp gathers in it just awful on rainy days, an' of course no Christian can sun twenty yards of crape on their clothesline when the dead person ain't died yet, so they're wild over that, too. They've made their skirts themselves, an' they wanted to do their waists, only what with the way sleeves is puffin' out an' slimmin' up an' fronts is first hangin' over an' then hookin' down, the back it just does seem out of the question. They've worried a lot over the veils since they was bought 'cause they wanted to get into 'em last winter so as to get out of 'em by last spring, an' then even when Mrs. Kitts rallied from her Christmas dinner, they thought maybe they could still be out of 'em by the Fourth of July; but now—Heavens! Mrs. Macy says they don't ask to get out of 'em any more; all they ask is to get into 'em, an' goodness knows when that is ever goin' to happen. She says Mrs. Lupey says what with Judy's divorce an' Mrs. Kitts livin' right along she's going to get moths into her things for the first time in her life, she just knows she is. It's a pretty hard case any one can see, an' of course seein' Mrs. Kitts live like that may get Busby Bell all out of the notion of marryin' Judy, for of course no man ain't goin' to like to look forward to Mrs. Lupey's livin' like that too, maybe—or maybe Judy 'll live herself—you never can tell. Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Lupey says she never guessed as sorrow could come so near to breakin' your back as losin' a grandmother is breakin' theirs. She says when she's really lost it won't be so bad 'cause they can all put on their crape veils an' go straight to bed an' to sleep, but she says this long drawn out losin' of her with that bell throwed into the bargain is somethin' calculated to make a saint out of a Chinaman, an' nothin' more nor less."

"Why—" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

"I tell you, they can't," said Susan; "they want to bad enough, but they can't do it. Mrs. Kitts is too smart for that. She keeps her eagle eye on it awake, an' her whole hand on the little string when she's asleep, an' drums 'em up to know if the clock is really right, or if she feels anyways disposed to smell of cologne. Some nights she rolls on the string in her sleep, an' then the bell wakes her along with the rest of 'em, which Mrs. Macy says is a-doin' more aggravatin' to the Lupeys than any words can do justice to. Mrs. Macy says as she really does believe that if Mrs. Kitts took a fancy to oysters in August she'd be fully equal to ringin' that bell for 'em till September came an' they could get 'em for her. She says it would be just like her, she does declare. Mrs. Macy says she sit with Mrs. Kitts considerable an' Mrs. Kitts was very pleasant to her, an' give her two pair of black lace mitts an' a pin, but she found out afterwards as the mitts was Mrs. Lupey's an' the pin was Maria's, so after that she see just how the family felt about her an' her ways. Mrs. Macy says the whole thing is a tragedy right out of Shakespeare an' the only pleasant thing about her whole visit was as it did n't cost her nothin'."

"Did she—" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

"Oh yes, I forgot to tell you about that. She see him four times. I don't know as she wants it generally known, but I wanted to know about it so I got it out of her. It does beat all, Mrs. Lathrop, how a woman of Mrs. Macy's sense, with a income that's only a little too small to get along on, can want to marry any man again. But she seems kind of crazy on the idea, an' if it ain't Mr. Dill, it's goin' to be Dr. Carter, or bu'st, with her. She says she went to his office just to let him know she was in Meadville, an' then she see him on the street, an' then she went to his office again to ask him his real opinion of Mrs. Kitts, an' then just before she left she went to his office again to let him know as she was goin' to come back here. So she see him four times in all."

"What did—" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

"Oh, he told her as he would n't be surprised if any of 'em died any day. That is, any of 'em except Mrs. Kitts. He did n't seem to think as Mrs. Kitts would ever die."

"What do—" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

"Oh, I saw there was nothin' else as Mrs. Macy could talk about just now so I come home an' then I come over here. I declare though, Mrs. Lathrop, I can't help bein' a little blue to-night. Of course I ain't any real relation to you, but we've been neighbors so long that I can't help feelin' a little bit uneasy over thinkin' of Mrs. Kitts an' wonderin' how long you may be goin' to live in the end."