A Plantation Comedy. BY D. J. DELANEY. CHARACTERS: Pete, Scene.—Full stage. Cottage R. U. E. with window and door of paper same color as cottage. Enter Pete and Ike R. and L. (They shake hands.) Pete. Why, Ichabod, I’se totally surprised for to see you. Whar you gwine at this lateness ob de hour? Ike. (Putting his thumbs in armholes of vest and assuming “bad” position.) Dat depends on sarcumstances. If I recognize dis locality aright, I hab reached de finale ob my predestination. Pete. (In astonishment.) Do tell! Ike. Do you see dat brownstraw roofed mansion yonder? Dar’s whar I anchor. Pete. What brings you ’round yere; business or pleasure? Ike. Well, principally business. Do you know any one ’round yere by de name ob Clara? Pete. No; but I’m acquainted wid a personage whose antecedent cognomen is Rebecca. Ike. Well, it is more than presumable that our own prefatory incomprehensibility is based on its peculiar sanitary enfranchisement. Don’t you think so? Pete. Yes, I guess you’re about right; we’re both on the same lay. Ike. Dat’s English; and now to business. [Walks right and left about the stage, and advances and sings as follows: Air:—Big Fat Nance. Now, we’ve come out for a moonlight ramble, To meet de gals dat we adore; And both our hearts wif love are sore; In yonder cottage dey reside, Dey promised to meet us here to-night, Dese charming wenches are our pride; Two raspberry blondes, our heart’s delight. Chorus. Den hearken to de music’s rapture, Wid love our hearts begin to ache, And since of us dey made a capture We’ll show you how to make a break. (Dance.) Ike. Say, Pete, don’t you think it ’bout time dose festive shemales made deir appearance? Pete. Ob course; but if dey didn’t hear us, what are we gwine to do? Ike. I dunno. [Scratches his head.] Suppose we get a brick and throw it at de house; dat’ll bring dem out, and we will gib dem de grand surprise. Pete. Dat’s so. [They retire R. and L., and producing imitation bricks throw them at the cottage. Music soft; Pete and Ike retire R. and L. Enter Rebecca and Clara from cottage. Pick up bricks. Reb. Oh, it’s a shame? Clara. Dat’s what I say; it’s a shame. De idea ob dose dog-goned niggers throwing a quarry at de house to make us aware of deir whereabouts. Reb. Oh, it wasn’t your lover dat trew da brick; you needn’t growl. Clara. No, I don’t tink it was; I guess it must ha’ been your Pete; he’s so strong he could trow it wif his breff. Dere! [She throws the brick at Rebecca’s foot. Rebecca hits her on the head with the brick she had. They each pick up the bricks to throw them at each other, when Pete and Ike appear. Rebecca and Clara spy them and throw the bricks at them, hitting them. Pete and Ike howl and retire. Clara. Ha—ha! did you see me hit him? Reb. I guess dat ought to teach dem to be more civil to deir superiors. Clara. Yes; dey said dey’d gib us de grand surprise. I don’t tink dey did. Reb. (Tearfully.) Yes; but I forgib dem. You know how I love Peter Holloway. [Covers her face with apron. Clara. (Clasping her.) ’Deed I do, Rebecca. I can sympathize with you. [Rebecca cries loudly.] Listen to ecstasy, Rebecca. Wake up, chile. Rouse yo’self. [Rebecca wipes her eyes, and both bend low, listening to the music. They walk around with hands upraised, and advance to stage front, singing the following: Oh, we’re in love wid two spruce darkies, Who ebry night at de hour ob nine, Do wend deir way unto our homestead; An’ to-night dey are both on time; Dey call us dear and tender names, In de canebrake down by yonder lane; By deir handsome forms an’ winning ways, We’re “gone,” but we are not to blame. Chorus. Den hearken to de music’s rapture, For a dance our feet begin to ache, An’ since of us dose coons make a capture, We’ll show you how to make a break. [Dance. [Meanwhile Pete and Ike come on and make remarks on the dancing. At the end of dance the girls spy the negroes and angrily walk towards them. Pete and Ike produce large razors and chase the girls. They shout, and Clara dives through window of cottage, Rebecca walking through the door. Pete and Ike put up their razors and call for the girls; they at length come out slowly.] Reb. (To Pete.) What for you try to carve me wid a razor, eh? Fo’ fifty dollahs I’d strike you so hard dat you wouldn’t eben hab time to dream of anoddah hen roost. Pete. Who dreams about hen-roosts, eh? I tink I know considerable ob your private experience, anyway. I guess as how I know who took de duck eggs from Jim Barker’s hen coop. You can’t teach me ’bout de honesty ob some people. Reb. Well, I can learn to forgib you, Pete Holloway; but I advise you neber again to gib such an exasperating shock to my nerves. You know I’m tender. [They make up and clasp each other. Meanwhile Ike and Clara have not approached each other. Clara. (Mildly.) I should neber hab tought it ob you, Ichabod Fitzsimmons, neber. Ike. (Excitedly.) Well, no one cares. I’m satisfied, if no one else is. I guess I can do as I please. Dar’s just as good coons in dis village as eber you were. I neber cared much fo’ de place, anyway. [Indignantly he proceeds to walk across and off the stage. Clara rushes at him, and knocking him down, puts her foot on him and flourishes a small (imitation) ax over him. Pete and Rebecca run towards her, and take the ax from her. They form a tableau. Ike exclaims tragically: “Saved—saved!” Pete. You deserved dat, an’ you came widin a hair’s breadth of gettin’ scalped. You’d better forgib her. [They make up, and joining arms walk R. and L. up the stage, and advance, and sing the following: Reb. Now, Pete, you mashed and dead gone nigger, Quit your foolin’ an’ join de rhyme. Pete. Why, bless you, honey, I’m all attention, An’ willin’ to dance an’ keep in time. Clara. Ichabod, say you love me still, And neber go back on your sugar plum. [They clasp. Ike. Forgib me, honey, an’ take me to your bosom, For what we did was all in fun. R. & C. Den join us in de song and dance, Whenever you may come around. All. We’ll drive dull care by slinging our shoe, For dat is where we all grab ground. Chorus. Den hearken to de music’s rapture, For a dance our shoes begin to shake, And since ob us you made a capture, We’ll execute a heavy break. (Dance.) [CURTAIN.] |