While each child possesses an individuality all its own, nevertheless, there are certain general principles of psychologic conduct and family discipline which are more or less applicable to all children. The so-called nervous child, in addition to the usual methods of child culture, stands in need of special attention as concerns its early discipline and training. This chapter will, therefore, be devoted to special suggestions with regard to the management and training of those children who are by heredity predisposed to nervousness, over-excitability, and who possess but a minimum of self-control.

HEREDITARY NERVOUSNESS

The so-called nervous child—all things equal—is the child who is born into the world with an unbalanced or inefficiently controlled nervous system; and while it is all too true that the common nursery methods of "spoiling the child" are often equally to blame with heredity for the production of an erratic disposition and an uncontrolled temper, nevertheless, it is now generally recognized that the foundation of the difficulties of the nervous child reaches back into its immediate and remote ancestral heredity.

I no longer doubt but that many of these babies with a bad nervous heredity, who are born predisposed to Saint Vitus' dance, bad temper, chronic worry, neurasthenia, and hysteria could be spared much of their early troubles and later miseries by prompt and proper methods of early nursery discipline.

These nervous babies are born into the world with an abnormal lack of self-control. Their "inhibition control" over the natural and spontaneous tendency of the nervous system to manifest its inherent impulses and passing whims is decidedly deficient. The child is unduly sensitive, whines, hollers, or flies into a violent rage when its will is crossed in the least degree. Such a child sometimes keeps its mother living in constant terror because, when its will is crossed in any particular, it will scream and hold its breath until it turns black in the face and sometimes actually goes into a convulsion.

In dealing with these unfortunate little ones, fathers and mothers, while they should be firm and persistent in their methods of correction, should also be kind and patient; fully recognizing that whatever undesirable traits the little ones manifest they have come by honestly—these naughty tendencies being the result either of heredity or spoiling, for both of which the parents stand responsible.

EARLY TRAINING

One of the very first things that a child, especially the nervous child, should learn is that crying and other angerful manifestations accomplish absolutely nothing. The greatest part of the successful training of the nervous child should take place before it is three and one-half years of age. It should early learn to lie quietly in its little bed and be entirely happy without receiving any attention or having any fuss made over it. It should not become the center of a circle of admiring and indulgent family friends and caretakers who will succeed in effectually destroying what little degree of self-control it may be fortunate enough to possess.

When the little one is discovered to be nervous, fretful, impatient, and easily irritated early in the morning, it should be left alone in its bed or in the nursery until it quiets down. If it has a good, healthy crying spell, leave it alone. Let it early get used to living with itself—teach the little fellow to get along with the world as it is—and you will do a great deal toward preventing a host of neurasthenic miseries and a flood of hysterical sorrows later on in life.

You must not expect to train the nervous child by the simple and easy methods which are successful in the case of a normal child; that is, you cannot repeat a simple discipline two or three times and have the child learn the lesson. In the case of the high-strung nervous child it requires "line upon line and precept upon precept;" for, whereas a normal child will respond to a certain discipline after it is repeated a half dozen times, the nervous child will require the persistent repetition of such a discipline from twenty-five to one hundred times before the lesson sinks into his consciousness sufficiently to enable him to gain control of his erratic and unbalanced nervous mechanism.

SPOILING THE CHILD

As bad as all spoiling methods are in child culture, they are decidedly disastrous—almost fatal—in the case of the nervous child; and yet it is these delicate, sensitive, cute little things that are the very ones who are most frequently the worst spoiled. Nervous children simply must not be played with all the time. They must be by themselves a great deal, at least this is true in their earlier years.

The nervous baby must early learn absolute respect for authority, so that what it lacks in its own nervous control may be partially made up for by parental suggestion and discipline. Of course, as suggested in a later chapter, the more ideal methods of suggestion, education, and persuasion should be employed in your efforts to secure obedience and promote self-control; but, when through either the deep-rooted incorrigibility of a child, or the inefficiency of the parent's efforts in the employment of suggestion—no matter what the cause of the failure of your ideal methods to control temper, stop crying, or otherwise put down the juvenile rebellion, whether the child has been spoiled on account of company, sickness or through your carelessness—when you cannot effectively and immediately enforce your will any other way, do not hesitate to punish; spank promptly and vigorously and spank repeatedly if necessary to accomplish your purpose. You must not fail in the case of the nervous child to accomplish exactly what you start out to do.

When the little fellow wakes up in the night and cries, see if he needs anything and administer to him. If you have previously tried the method of letting him "cry it out," which is usually entirely sufficient in the case of a normal child, and if such treatment does not seem to cure him, then speak to him firmly, give him to understand that he must stop crying, and if he does not, turn him over and administer a good spanking—and repeat if necessary to get results. In dealing with a nervous child we must follow the directions on the bottle of the old-fashioned liniment "rub in until relief is obtained."

No "spoiling practices" should be countenanced in the case of nervous children. They should be taught to sleep undisturbed in a room in the presence of usual noises. They should not be allowed to grow up with a sleeping-room always darkened by day and a light to sleep by at night. They should be taught to sleep on without being disturbed even if someone does enter the room; they should be taught to sleep normally without having to quiet and hush the whole neighborhood.

PLAYMATES

The early play of nervous children should be carefully supervised and organized. Under no circumstance should they be allowed exclusively to play with children younger than themselves. They must not be allowed to dictate and control their playmates; it is far better that they should play at least a part of the time with older children who will force them to occupy subordinate rÔles in their affairs of play; in this way much may be accomplished toward preventing the development of a selfish, headstrong, and intolerant attitude. When the nervous child is miffed or peeved at play and wants to quit because he cannot have his way, see to it that he quickly takes his place back in the ranks of his playfellows, and thus early teach him how to react to defeat and disappointment. The nervous child must not be allowed to grow up with a disposition that will in some later crisis cause him to "get mad and quit."

If the nervous baby has older brothers and sisters, see to it that he does not, through pet and peeve and other manifestations of temper, control the family and thus dictate the trend of all the children's play. Early train him to be manly, to play fair, and when his feelings are hurt or things do not go just to his liking, teach him, in the language of the street, to be "game." It is equally important that the little girls be taught in the same way how to take disappointment and defeat without murmur or complaint.

TEACHING SELF-CONTROL

When nervous children grow up, especially if their parents are well to do, and they are not forced to work for a living, they are prone to develop into erratic, neurasthenic, and hysterical women, and worrying, inefficient, and nervous men; and in later years they throng the doctor's offices with both their real and imaginary complaints. These patients always feel that they are different from other people, that something terrible is the matter with them or that something awful is about to happen to them. Their brains constantly swarm with fears and premonitions of disease, disaster, and despair, while their otherwise brilliant intellects are confused and handicapped because of these "spoiled" and "hereditary" nervous disturbances—with the result that both their happiness and usefulness in life is largely destroyed.

The fundamental abnormal characteristic of that great group of nerve-patients who throng the doctor's office is sensitiveness, suggestibility, and lack of self-control. Sensitiveness is nothing more or less than a refined form of selfishness, while lack of self-control is merely the combined end-product of heredity and childhood spoiling. I am a great believer in, and practitioner of, modern methods of psychological child culture, but let me say to the fond parent who has a nervous child, when you have failed to teach the child self-control by suggestive methods, do not hesitate to punish, for of all cases it is doubly true of the nervous child that if you "spare the rod" you are sure to "spoil the child."

Let me urge parents to secure this self-control and enforce this discipline before the child is three or four years of age; correct the child at a time when your purpose can be accomplished without leaving in his subconscious mind so many vivid memories of these personal and, sometimes, more or less brutal physical encounters. Every year you put off winning the disciplinary fight with your offspring, you enormously increase the danger and likelihood of alienating his affections and otherwise destroying that beautiful and sympathetic relationship which should always exist between a child and his parents. In other words, the older the child, the less the good you accomplish by discipline and the more the personal resentment toward the parent is aroused on the part of the child.

CRIME AND INTEMPERANCE

While it is generally admitted that feeble-mindedness lies at the foundation of most crime, we must also recognize that failure on the part of parents to teach their children self-control is also responsible for many otherwise fairly normal youths falling into crime and intemperance. The parents of a nervous child must recognize that they will in all probability be subject to special danger along these lines as they grow up. The nervous child, as it grows up, is quite likely to be erratic, emotional, indecisive, and otherwise easily influenced by his associates and environment.

Nervous children are more highly suggestible than others, and if they have not been taught to control their appetites and desires, their wants and passions, they are going to form an especially susceptible class of society from which may be recruited high-class criminals, dipsomaniacs, and other unfortunates.

It is true that any spoiled child, however normal its heredity, may turn out bad in these respects if it is not properly trained; but what we are trying to accomplish here is to emphasize to parents that the nervous child is doubly prone to go wrong and suffer much sorrow in after life if he is not early and effectively taught self-control.

UNSPOILING THE CHILD

If the child of nervous tendencies forms the habit of crying, sulking, or otherwise misbehaving when it is denied its desires, or when something it wants done is not immediately attended to, it will be found an excellent plan simply to stand still and let the little fellow have it out with himself, in the meanwhile kindly reminding him to say, "please mamma," "please papa," etc. I well remember one nervous little girl who would yell at the top of her voice and become black in the face the moment she wanted a door opened or anything else. A few weeks of patience and firmness on the part of the mother entirely cured her of this unbecoming trait.

As a rule, it will be found best not to argue with the nervous child. The moment your commands are not heeded, when you have admonished the child once or twice without effect, take him quickly to the crib or the nursery and there leave him alone, isolated, until he is in a state of mind to manifest a kindly spirit and an obedient disposition. It is an excellent plan quietly and quickly to deprive such children of their pleasures temporarily, in order to produce thoughtfulness; and these methods are often more efficacious than the infliction of varying degrees of pain under the guise of punishment.

Nervous children must be taught to go to sleep by themselves. They are not to be rocked or allowed to hold the hand of the mother or the caretaker. The nervous baby should not be encouraged to exhibit its cuteness for the delectation of the family or the amusement of strangers and visitors. He should be especially trained in early and regular habits, taking particular pains to see that bed wetting and similar bad habits are early overcome; otherwise, he may drag along through early life and become the cause of great embarrassment both to himself and his parents.

The control of these nervous habits is somewhat like the management of the slipping of the wheels of a locomotive when the track is wet and slippery. The little folks ofttimes endeavor to apply the brakes, but they are minus the sand which keeps the wheels from slipping. The parent, with his well-planned discipline, is able to supply this essential element, and thus the child is enabled to gain a sufficient amount of self-control to prevent him making a continuous spectacle of himself.

When nervous children do not walk or talk early, let them alone. Of course, if later on it is discovered that they are manifestly backward children, something must be done about it; but if the nervous child is encouraged to talk too soon there is great danger of his developing into a stutterer or a stammerer.

PREVENTING HYSTERIA

Every year we have pass through our hands men and women, especially women, who possess beautiful characters, who have noble intellects, and who have high aims and holy ambitions in life, but whose careers have been well-nigh ruined, almost shattered, because of the hysterical tendency which ever accompanies them, and which, just as soon as the stress and strain of life reaches a certain degree of intensity, unfailingly produces its characteristic breakdown; the patient is seized with confusion, is overcome by feeling, indulges in an emotional sprawl, is flooded with terrible apprehensions and distracting sensations, may even go into a convulsive fit, and, in extreme cases, even become unconscious and rigidly stiff.

Now, in the vast majority of cases, if this nervous patient, when a baby, had been thoroughly disciplined and taught proper self-control before it was four years of age, it would have developed into quite a model little citizen; and while throughout life it would have borne more or less of a hysteria stigma, nevertheless it would have possessed a sufficient amount of self-control to have gotten along with dignity and success; in fact, the possibilities are so tremendous, the situation is so terrible in the case of these nervous babies, that we might almost say that, in the majority of such, success and failure in life will be largely determined by the early and effective application of these methods of preventive discipline.

I was recently consulted by a patient whose nervous system was in a deplorable state, who had lost almost complete mental control of herself, and who really presented a pathetic spectacle as she told of the fears and worries that enthralled her. In an effort to get to the bottom of this patient's heredity I had a conference with her father, and I learned that this woman, in her childhood days, had been constantly humored—allowed to have everything she wanted. She was a delicate and sensitive little thing and the parents could not bear to hear her cry, it made her sick, it gave her convulsions, it produced sleepless nights, it destroyed her appetite, and so she grew up in this pampered way. The father recognized the greatness of his mistake and he told me with tears in his eyes how, when the ringing of the school bell disturbed his little girl baby, he saw the school directors and had them stop ringing the bell, and he even stopped the ringing of the church bells. He was an influential citizen and could even stop the blowing of the whistles if it disturbed his precious little daughter.

And so this woman has grown up with this nervous system naturally weakened by heredity and further weakened by "spoiling"; and fortunate indeed she will be if off and on the most of her life she is not seeking the advice of a physician in her efforts to gain that self-control which her parents could have so easily put in her possession at the time she was three or four years of age, if they had only spent a few hours then, instead of the many months and years that subsequently have been devoted to medical attention.

METHODS OF DISCIPLINE

We run into many snags when we undertake to discipline the nervous baby. The first is that it will sometimes cry so hard that it will get black in the face and may even have a convulsion; occasionally a small blood vessel may be ruptured on some part of the body, usually the face. When you see the little one approaching this point, turn it over and administer a sound spanking and it will instantly catch its breath. This will not have to be repeated many times until that particular difficulty will be largely under control.

It will be discovered when you undertake to break a bad habit in the case of a spoiled child who is of a nervous temperament, that your discipline interferes with the child's appetite and nutrition. The delicate little creature who has perhaps already given you no end of trouble regarding its feeding, will begin to lose in weight, and even the doctor often becomes so alarmed that he advises against all further methods of discipline. We think this is usually a mistake. Both the nutrition and discipline should be kept in mind and carried harmoniously through to a successful finish. It will be necessary during such troublous times to conserve both the physical and nervous strength of the child; it should not be allowed to run about and over-play, as such high strung children often do. It should be given a reasonable amount of physical exercise, and two or three times a day should have short periods of complete isolation in the nursery, where it may quietly play with its blocks and toys, sing and croon or talk as the case may be, but should be left entirely alone.

Wise efforts should be put forth to keep the feeding up to the proper number of calories, and to see, if the child does not gain during this disciplinary struggle, that at least it does not lose; and I give it as my experience that I have yet to see a case in which both the child's nutrition and discipline cannot be efficiently maintained at one and the same time, though it does sometimes require adroit scientific and artistic management. But the game we are playing is worth the effort—the battle must be fought—and it can be fought with the least suffering and sorrowing the earlier the conflict is waged to a successful issue.

I am decidedly opposed to allowing these young nervous children to over-play and thus wear themselves out unduly. This over exhaustion sometimes renders the training of the child much more difficult, as it is a well-known fact that we are all much more irritable and lacking in self-control when we are tired, more especially when we are over-tired and fatigued.

Let me emphasize the importance and value of proper periods of isolation—complete rest and partial physical relaxation. You can take a child who has gotten up wrong in the morning, whose nerves are running away with him, who is irritable, crying at everything that happens, who even rejects the food prepared for him, and who, when spoken to and commanded to stop crying, yells all the louder—I say you can take such a little one back to its crib, place it in the bed and smilingly walk out of the room. After a transient outburst of crying, within a very few minutes you can return to find a perfect little angel, winsome and smiling, happy and satisfied, presenting an entirely different picture from the little culprit so recently incarcerated as a punishment for his unseemly conduct.

But let me repeat that while such methods of discipline often work like magic on normal children, they must be repeated again and again in the case of one who is nervous in order to establish new association groups in the brain and to form new habit grooves in his developing nervous system.

RESPECT FOR AUTHORITY

There are just two things the nervous child must grow up to respect; one is authority and the other is the rights and privileges of his associates. The nervous child needs early to learn to reach a conclusion and to render a decision—to render a decision without equivocation—to move forward in obedience to that decision without quibbling and without question; that is the thing the nervous man and woman must learn in connection with the later conquest of their own nerves; and a foundation for such a mastery of one's unruly nerves is best laid early in life—by teaching the child prompt and unquestioning obedience to parental commands. At the same time, endeavor so to raise the child that it acquires the faculty of quickly and agreeably adapting itself to its environment, at the same time cheerfully recognizing the rights of its fellows.

It is a crime against the nervous child to allow it to hesitate, to debate, or to falter about any matter that pertains to the execution of parental commands. Let your rule be—speak once, then spank. Never for a moment countenance anything resembling dilatoriness or procrastination, let the child grow up to recognize these as its greatest dangers, never to be tolerated for one moment.

FALSE SYMPATHY

We are aware that many good people in perusing this chapter will think that some of the advice here given is both cruel and hard hearted; but we can safely venture the opinion that those who have reared many children, at least if they have had some nervous little ones, will be able to discern the meaning and significance of most of our suggestions. Sympathy is a beautiful and human trait and we want nothing in this chapter in any way to interfere with that characteristic sympathy of a parent for its offspring—the proverbial "as a father pitieth his children"—nevertheless, there is a great deal of sympathy that is utterly false, that is of the nature of a disastrous compromise, for the time being making it easy for both parent and child, but making things unutterably more difficult later on in life when both (or perhaps the child alone) must face the calamitous consequences of this failure early to inculcate the principles of self-control and self-mastery on the mind and character of the nervous child.

We so often hear "mother love" eulogized. It is a wonderful and self-denying human trait; but, as a physician, I have been led to believe that "mother loyalty" is of almost equal or even greater value. All mothers love their children more or less, but only a few mothers possess that superb loyalty which is able to rise above human sympathy and maternal love, which qualifies the mother to stand smilingly by the side of the crib and watch her little one in a fit of anger—yelling at the top of its voice—and yet never touch the child, allow the little fellow to come to himself, to wake up to the fact that all his yelling, his emotion, his anger, and his resentment are absolutely powerless to move his mother. Thus has the mother—by her loyalty to the little fellow—taught him a new lesson in self-control, and thus has she added one more strong link in the chain of character which parent and child are forging day by day, and which finally must determine both the child's temporal and eternal destiny.

SYSTEM AND ORDER

System and order are desirable acquisitions for all children, but they are absolutely indispensable to the successful rearing of the nervous child, who should be taught to have a place for everything and everything in its place. When he enters the house his clothes must not be thoughtlessly thrown about. Every garment must be put in its proper place. These little folks must be taught a systematic and regular way of doing things.

Nervous children must not be allowed to procrastinate. They must not be allowed to put off until tomorrow anything which can be done today. They must be taught how to keep the working decks of life clear—caught right up to the minute. They should be taught proper methods of analysis—how to go to the bottom of things—how to render a decision, execute it, and then move forward quickly to the next task of life. When they come home from school with home work to do it would be best, as a rule, first to do the school work before engaging in play. In fact, all the methods which are needful for the proper discipline of the ordinary child are more than doubly needful for the training of the nervous child; while more than fourfold persistence is needed on the part of parents to make them really effective.

EMOTIONAL RUNAWAYS

Whether the child be two years of age or ten years of age, when the parent discovers that the nervous system is "losing its head," that the child is embarking on a nervous runaway, or that it is about to indulge in an emotional sprawl, it is best to interfere suddenly and spectacularly. Lay a firm hand on him and bring things to a sudden stop. Speak to him calmly and deliberately, but firmly. Set him on a chair, put him in the bed, or take him to a room and isolate him.

In the case of the older children, tell them a story of the horse which becomes frightened, loses self-control, and tears off down the highway, wrecking the vehicle and throwing out its occupants. Explain to them that many of the mistakes of life are made during the times of these emotional runaways, these passing spells of lost self-control. Tell the little folks that you have perfect confidence in them if they will only take time to stop and think before they talk or act. Explain to them that since you saw that they were rapidly approaching a foolish climax you thought it was your duty to call a halt, to stop them long enough to enable them to collect their wits and indulge in some sober thinking.

Personally, we have found it to be a good plan not to be too arbitrary with the little folks, like putting them on a chair and saying, "You must sit there one hour by the clock." They usually begin to indulge in resentful thoughts and a situation is often produced akin to that of the stern father who felt compelled to go back and thrash his boy three different times during his hour on the chair, because of what he was satisfied was going through the boy's mind. No, that is not usually the best way. Put them on the chair with an indeterminate sentence. I prefer to carry it out something like this: "Now, son, this will never do; you are running away with yourself. Stop for a moment and think. Now I am going to ask you to sit down in that chair there and think this over quietly. I will be in the next room. Whenever you think you have got control of yourself and have thought this thing out so you can talk with me, you may get up from the chair and come into the room to me." Sometimes five minutes, sometimes fifteen minutes, and the little fellow will walk in and talk to you in a very satisfactory manner. He will give you his viewpoint and you will be able to adjust the matter in a spirit of conference which will be satisfactory to both parent and child, without doing the least violence to the responsibility of the one or the individuality of the other.

Very little is to be accomplished, when the child starts to indulge in an emotional runaway, if the parent contracts the same spirit, begins to talk fast and loud, to gesticulate wildly, grabs the child, begins to slap and shake it—that is merely an exhibition on the part of the parent of the very same weakness he is trying to correct in his offspring. I am afraid it is entirely too true that for every time you shake one demon out of a child in anger, you shake in seven worse devils. When all other methods fail and you must resort to punishment, do it with kindness, deliberation, and dignity. Never punish a child in haste and anger.

THE FINAL REWARD

The advice offered in this chapter is not mere theory. It has been successfully used by many parents in the management of their nervous children, and while all principles of child culture must be carefully wrought out and made applicable to the particular child in question, nevertheless, the methods of repeated and firm discipline herein set forth will enable you to take many a child who has been born into this world almost neurologically bankrupt, and, by this training and discipline, enable him in adult life to draw such dividends of self-control and self-mastery as will far exceed the outward results obtained in the case of many children who are born with sound nervous systems, but who were early spoiled and allowed to grow up without that discipline which is so essential to later self-control and dignity of character.