  'Cause brother Ben has gone to fight Across the sea so far, I like to sit around at night And read about the war, But when I think me and my chums Are fighting Fritz in France, My ma asks if I've done my sums; A feller gets no chance. And when I'm marching proudly back With fifty captured Huns, My dad will say "retire Jack". That's how they spike my guns. My teacher's a conscriptionist, She calls me "Johnnie dear," But backs it with an iron fist And so I volunteer. I got kept in at school one day For lessons not half learned, And when dad asked, "Why this delay?" I said I'd been interned. And when our test exams came out And mine were extra bad, I said, "We needn't fuss about A scrap of paper, dad." When sister's chap comes round at night, And pa seems in a rage, Ma only smiles; she knows all right, It's just dad's camoflage. And when I entertain this beau While Sis puts on her dress, Sometimes I get a dime, you know; That's strategy, I guess. My dad is getting rather stout, And hates to mow the lawn; But when he gets the mower out, First thing he knows I'm gone; But when I've trouble with my pa No matter what it's for, I make an ally of my ma, And then I win the war. |
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