FRITZ PHILOSOPHIZES

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Since I'm held in his hospital up,
Mine poor back full mit shrapnel und lead
Ven I tink of der Kaiser und Krupp,
Dere's a ting dat von't come troo mine head.
Vot already I'm tinking aboudt,
To pelieve in mine heart I can't yet,
But de more dat I knows I find oudt
Vy dose Englishmans frightened don't get.
Ve haf guns dat vill shoot forty miles,
Dat de fort und de city desthroys;
Ve haf Zepps. of de latest new shtyles;
Ve haf millions of men und more poys;
Ve haf hundreds of unterseeboots
Dat all ships from de ocean vill drive,
Und ve kills, und ve burns, and ve shoots
Till dere von't pe no English alive.
But for none of dese tings vill dey shcare
It's deir nerve (dat's, I tink, vat they call),
Ven ve tink ve haf licked dem, I shwear
Dat dose English shoost laugh und play ball.
But ven Shermans get oudt from de trench,
Den ve crawl avay somewhere to shmoke,
Mit some schooners de beeg thirst to quench,
For already our hearts vas near proke.
Ven dose English come on mit a run,
Den deir officers lead all de vay;
But us Shermans get chained to de gun,
Vile de boss in some safe blace vill shtay,
Maype dat's vy ve gets de cold feet,
Und dose English don't scare vort a cent;
For a private vil nefer redreat
From de blace vere his leader first vent.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

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