OUT OF BOUNDS

John Bull. "SHOO! SHOO!"

May 9, 1906.

ARMAGEDDON: A DIVERSION

Turkey. "Good! if only all those other Christian nations get at one another's throats, I may have a dog's chance yet."

December 4, 1912.

SETTLED

Dame Europa. "You've always been the most troublesome boy in the school. Now go and consolidate yourself."

Turkey. "Please, ma'am, what does that mean?"

Dame Europa. "It means going into that corner—and stopping there!"

April 2, 1913.

HIS MASTER'S VOICE

The Kaiser (to Turkey, reassuringly). "Leave everything to me. All you've got to do is to explode."

Turkey. "Yes, I quite see that. But where shall I be when it's all over?"

November 11, 1914.

THE EUPHEMISTS

Kaiser. "I say, how are you going to explain away the surrender of your army corps in the Caucasus?"

Sultan of Turkey. "Nothing simpler. I shall say, 'Our gallant troops determined to embarrass the enemy's commissariat, and carried out their object with overwhelming success."

Kaiser. "Splendid! Couldn't have put it better myself."

Sultan. "My dear boy, we were in the business ages and ages before you were thought of."

January 13, 1915.

THE GOD IN THE CART

(An Unrehearsed Effect.)

Turkey. "I'm getting a bit fed up with this. I shall kick soon."

Austria. "Well, I was thinking of lying down."

January 6, 1915.

THE RIDDLE OF THE SANDS

Turkish Camel. "WHERE TO?"

German Officer. "EGYPT."

Camel. "GUESS AGAIN."

February 10, 1915.

German Sentry. "WHO GOES THERE?"

Turk. "A FRIEND—CURSE YOU!"

January 20, 1915.

THE DISSEMBLERS

[January 27th]

Emperor of Austria. "NOW WHAT DO WE REALLY WANT TO SAY?"

Sultan of Turkey. "WELL, OF COURSE, WE COULDN'T SAY THAT; NOT ON HIS BIRTHDAY."

January 27, 1915.

WILLIAM O' THE WISP

March 3, 1915.

THE REVERSION

Turkey. "I'M GIVING UP THIS BED, WILLIAM. WON'T YOU TAKE MY PLACE?"

April 7, 1915.

"'He's as willing as a Christian; strike me blind if he isn't,' said Sikes."

Oliver Twist, Chap. xvi.

(With apologies to the late Fred Barnard.)

November 4, 1914.