  Yap! Yap! Yap! As I am called the prince of Woodpeckers, I can, I suppose, shout just as loud as I like. Of course my cousin, the Red-bellied Woodpecker, will turn up his bill and say they only call me the prince because I am the largest of all the North American Woodpeckers. Well, I think that is reason enough, don't you? Some creatures who are not birds, have been called princes and kings for less than that—so I have heard. Mr. Red-belly had a great deal to say about, and for himself, in Birds last month; he sent his picture, too. Pooh! he can't compare with me. I am said to be the most magnificent Woodpecker of the whole lot. My species is select, too, no matter if he does say the whole family of Woodpeckers are common. We are considered rare birds. You don't find us in all localities, no indeed! You will have to travel to the far, far south to catch a glimpse of one of us magnificent fellows. Should you ever go way down on the Suwanee river, and walk "real easy" through the cypress forests you might get a peep at one of us. But we are wild and shy, and like to travel long distances through the day; no stay-at-home bodies among us. I'm not one of the three-toed Woodpeckers, either, that Mr. Red-belly was so anxious to tell you about. It's very strange how eager some people are to talk about other people's imperfections. I have four toes, two in front and two behind, so it isn't "sour grapes" that leads me to speak as I do. I'll admit my feet are peculiar, my toes assisting me in clinging to an upright surface, and my pointed stiff tail-feathers serving to prop me up when resting. I think I am very fortunate, too, in having such a stout, chisel-like bill, and such a horny, spear-like tongue. With the first I cut away wood and explore the hiding place of grubs; with the latter I impale them and draw the food out. Dear, dear! How fearfully and wonderfully we are made, to be sure—birds as well as men. Sing! No, wish I could. But then I have a love-song which my mate thinks is fine; 'tis a long, rolling call, which I beat with my bill.
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