CHAPTER XX.

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"But when every leaf is dropped and the plant stands stripped to the uttermost, a new life is even then working in the buds, from which shall spring a tenderer foliage and a brighter wealth of flowers. So, often, in celestial gardening, every leaf of earthly joy must drop before a new and divine bloom visits the soul."—Harriet Beecher Stowe.

Saturday no letter came. All the forenoon Grace tried to do her duty by saying her denials and affirmations while Kate was out giving lessons, but she seemed so stupid and felt so cross that in despair she resorted to her painting, but only succeeded in spoiling the picture she had spent hours and days upon before. When Kate came in at the usual hour, feeling so gay and light-hearted that she scarcely knew how to contain herself, she was astonished to hear Grace say:

"Oh, I am glad you have come at last! Such a day as I have spent! Thought I'd have so much extra time while you were gone to give Millie's lesson, and here I've wasted the whole afternoon and spoiled my 'shipwreck' besides, and I'm in a villainous humor. Now, I'm going to pour it all out on your innocent head." She smiled grimly, as she tossed her painting apron aside and spitefully turned the picture to the wall.

"What in the world ails you, Grace?" cried the astonished Kate. "Have you lost your senses? I was congratulating myself coming home on the good time we would have again to-night."

"I anticipated it so vividly this morning I could hardly wait, but really, Kate, I feel ugly, and perhaps it would be as well not to talk to me. I will go out for a little walk, while you get the tea," and she went forthwith.

A tumult raged within her that she had not conquered. One moment filled with the most exhilarating sense of freedom and joy, the next the direst disgust with herself and her failings; one moment clearly understanding the many problems that had come up for solution the past week, and the next with no ability to reason about anything. This had been going on all day. She had even felt unreasonably irritable because Kate had so quickly overcome her prejudices. What right had she to give away her own for some one else's opinions so easily?

Grace gave her glove an impatient twitch as she thought of it, but the next instant she wished she, too, might be as childlike and receptive as her companion.

To Kate the Bible was final, unquestioned authority; to Grace it was a corroboration, not a foundation. It was more interesting, she must confess, than ever before, but then she must have better reasons than had yet appeared for taking it as Kate did.

After all, perhaps this religion was but another mirage that had come into her moral vision, as many another had come in all the years she had been seeking truth and happiness. Happiness! Had she forgotten that for two years that word had been dropped from her vocabulary? That she had resolved to live on the best intellectual food the world could offer, without tasting its heart viands? She walked on with an unwonted energy. No, she would not be deceived; the best and sweetest in life was not for her, but she ought at least, to help poor little Kate.

It was a calm, quiet evening. The sun was just disappearing over the distant hills. The sky was radiant with delicate pink and blue tints. She was walking toward the east, when, glancing at the scene in front of her, she saw what seemed to be a brilliant fire, not only in one place but in many. Somewhat startled, she looked more closely and discovered every window ablaze with the sun's reflected glory. Like a flash it came: "I am walking away from the glory of Truth. Oh! how shall I turn my face to God?" she cried, with unspeakable yearning.

An agony of suspense seized her. She looked up at the calm, beautiful sky, and its rays of radiance seemed to send down upon her a benediction of peace. Like a soft whisper the words, "Lo, I am with you always," fell upon her ear. Blessed words that filled her with a new-born awe, but they brought a realizing sense of ever-present nearness of Truth, such as she had never had before, and she was so filled with peace that all the world looked like a new world. The turbulent waves of doubt and unrest had been divinely stilled.

She walked on, so filled with her new thoughts that the twilight deepened into starlight before she thought of home, and then it seemed that every star beam was an angel of love sent to guide her on her way. She entered quietly as Kate was playing one of Beethoven's symphonies, and never had music seemed so sweet. It was like a welcome into heaven. It was the heaven within her that made a heaven without.

To Kate had come such a realization of divine harmony, that her soul poured itself out in music she had never dreamed of before. All the struggles and pains of the past years, all the disappointments and unhappiness found expression through the wailing tones of the piano only to be swept away or swelled into sweeter and more joyous strains. More and more clearly a conception of joy and peace unspeakable filled her heart. She wandered again, a happy child, in country pastures gathering violets and buttercups. She could scent the clover and hear the birds. The water rippled over the pebbles and the air was filled with leaf music. Now, again a child, she "walked in green pastures and beside the still waters." The sun of love was shining down upon her, and its rays warmed her, clothed her, fed her. "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever," she sang softly in an awed, hushed voice, as the music grew more divinely sweet, and the realization of a nameless Presence filled her. It was the presence of impersonal, omnipresent Truth, ever flowing into the heart ready for its reception, and though at first it may be but a tiny stream, it grows to a swelling tide, and all the words in the universe can not name its sweet influence, or describe its wondrous allness.

Oh, Katie darling, what wouldst thou have put away from thy life, if thou hadst obstinately refused admittance to this heavenly Guest?... At last the music ceased. She bowed her head and gave herself up to the inexpressible thoughts that welled into her mind. For some moments she was not aware that Grace was in the room, but as she finally arose and turned around, she saw her. Their eyes met, and silently was told the story of experiences too sacred to utter. A silent understanding and a heartfelt sympathy bound them by closer ties than they had ever known before. To be at one with Truth is to understand humanity, and understanding is a voiceless language.

Sunday afternoon they called on Mr. Hayden and found the fourth letter awaiting them.

"I did not send it up because Kate promised you would come over to-day, and now let us have a little experience meeting," he said, as he found chairs for them, and seated himself, seemingly awaiting a reply.

"First let us read the letter," suggested Grace, who was more interested than ever since her yesterday's experience.

"Read it aloud," said Mr. Hayden, settling himself back to enjoy it.

Grace had scarcely begun reading when Jamie came in, screaming that his finger was "boke."

"Never mind, Jamie, it will soon be all right. Shall papa treat it?" taking the child in his lap.

"Teat it, papa," and he laid his little head on papa's breast with perfect confidence that the pain would soon be gone. A few moments of silence and he looked up innocently, saying with the brightest smile:

"It's all gone now. Papa telled the good Jamie to tome home," he explained to the girls, "and here he is, papa," he added, holding up his sweet mouth for a kiss.

"How beautiful is a child's faith," exclaimed Kate, after the little fellow had gone out to play again.

"Indeed I have learned more than I can tell you from the children," said Mr. Hayden, thoughtfully. "Mabel is old enough to understand a good deal, but Fred and Jamie are very quick to apply what they learn. Last night Jamie complained of the stomach ache. Neither of the children knew that I was near, but I overheard Fred telling his brother that he would treat him if he would keep still. Jamie consented and I peeped in a moment later, curious to know what they were doing. Fred sat there grave as an owl, with his hands over his eyes, and Jamie in a chair opposite, his eyes shut tightly and an air of expectancy on his face."

"Now you're all right," said Fred, very positively, after a few minutes. They were soon playing and not once did the child complain after that. When going to bed, Jamie told me about it, and I asked Fred what he did when he treated.

"W'y," he answered, "w'y, I just 'membered what you said to Mabel that everybody has two kinds o' thoughts, and one kind thinks you're sick, and the other kind knows you're well, so I thinked about Jamie till I thinked the know thoughts, and course he got well then."

"It was a lesson to me, and I have tried to emulate their receptiveness and childlike trust. I don't know how well I am succeeding, but it is pretty hard sometimes to get the problems all worked out."

"We wouldn't have to work them out if we had the faith of a child," said Kate, warmly. These little incidents touched her deeply.

"Well, there is nothing better to learn from than living examples, and yet we can only take them as guides, they will not do our work for us. Every one of us must go through his own experience, and prove his right to an inheritance, by claiming it on trust as the child does. Now, yesterday," continued Mr. Hayden, leaning back and stroking his chin, "I worked hard all the forenoon, and everything seemed to go wrong with me,"—Grace glanced at Kate—"I was not willing to live a moment at a time, as the child does, with no thought or care as to where its next day's supplies are to come from, but I was tired and cross all day. The consequence was, in the afternoon my old enemy, the headache, began to assert itself. Then I got Marion's letter and that helped me, because it threw some light on the cause, but when I heard Fred's explanation of a treatment I just applied it. I 'thinked,' till the 'know thoughts came,'" Mr. Hayden concluded with a grave smile.

"I believe that is what it means to 'work out our own salvation,'" said Grace, "and how beautiful to have the children learn! It will make different men and women of them."

"Indeed it will; I have already seen some change in the children. But are you not going to read the letter, Miss Grace?" asked Mr. Hayden.

"Yes, I am anxious to read it, but I have learned a great deal without it."

She took it up again and read without interruption to the end.

"Well, that is quite an explanation of your experience of yesterday, Mr. Hayden," explained Kate smilingly.

"And mine, too," added Grace. "It is comforting to know that there is a scientific reason for it though."

"I think my darkness came earlier in the lessons, for yesterday and to-day have been very bright to me," replied Kate, soberly; "but," she continued, "there is so much about this to admire and so much to prove that the system is founded on Christ's teachings, I can not see where doubt could enter."

"We might not doubt the principle where we would often doubt ourselves," suggested Mr. Hayden.

"Yes," said Grace, "I believe that doubts will come as long as we consider it a personal power."

"Which it is not, of course," interrupted Kate.

"Certainly not, but we must grow into a realization of Truth, we can not change our old natures in a day, and it is only natural at first to feel that it is a personal power because we are given so much personal responsibility."

"I see what you mean," said Mr. Hayden, quietly, leaning back as if thinking deeply. "You mean it is hard to forget self, and I agree with you. This mind of the flesh claims so much wisdom and power of its own that it is hard to attribute everything to a higher power, and let that power work through you; but when we can do that, we have the kernel of the whole system."

"It is a wonderful thought to me, that we reflect all things spiritual, as we divest ourselves of our false beliefs," remarked Grace, earnestly.

"In other words, when we know ourselves as we are, and not as we appear, we shall recognize that all things we desire are already ours," added Mr. Hayden.

"How could it be otherwise? The sun is always shining behind the darkest clouds. All I ask is that the ignorance may be removed," replied Grace.

"Well, I want to understand and believe truth, but it seems strange, after we have declared our willingness to believe and acknowledge God to be all, that we should be tempted. Why couldn't our acknowledgement be sufficient?" queried Kate, in perplexity again.

"Why isn't the simple act of joining the church sufficient to make Christians? Although some seem to think it all sufficient, it is not. It is the daily life of overcoming, and denial of self that constitutes true acknowledgement," said Grace, laying her hand upon that of her friend.

"Not denial of self in the old way, either," said Mr. Hayden, "but denial of the mortal thought, or as Paul would say, the 'carnal mind.'"

"Yes, and in the temptation of Jesus, we read our own temptations," interrupted Grace, "and it is all important that we should deal with them as he did. Over and over he met the opposing thought, represented by the tempter or opposer—error always opposing truth—and gave it either a plain denial or an emphatic command to get out."

"That is very plain and very true," said Kate, with a little sigh, "but still I can not see why God should allow us to be tempted after we have fought the battle once as Jesus did."

"But he fought it more than once," explained Mr. Hayden, earnestly. "He was continually overcoming, and at times found it necessary to withdraw into the mountains where he fasted and prayed."

"That is a good thought to carry home," suggested Grace, rising, "for we need to follow his example."

"I need it more than anyone else," said Kate, feeling a lack of spiritual understanding, and wishing she could get on faster.

"You are doing grandly Miss Kate, just think how you opposed it all at first," said Mr. Hayden encouragingly.

"Yes, I know I did," flushing a little, "but even thus far I have seen enough, or rather experienced enough to make me anxious to understand it, and I only ask so many questions because I am determined to get every speck of light I can."

"If everybody would lay aside prejudice as you have, Miss Kate, they would have no difficulty in seeing the truth as you do," he replied.

The tears came into her eyes. Neither Mr. Hayden nor Grace knew how much it had cost her to 'lay aside prejudice,' but she could thank God that she had done so, and indeed believed it was Providence that had led her into this study in spite of herself.

"I want the truth," she said simply, and turned away to join Grace, who stood at the open door waiting for her.


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

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