  DRAMATIS PERSONÆ:Mr. Stephenson. Margaret Stephenson. George Franklin. Annie Stephenson. William Jackson. Mrs. Blumenthal, the Wirthin. Gretchen, Kellnerin. ACT I.SCENE I.
Margaret. (Discovered crocheting—has a pamphlet.) Margaret. (Solus.) Dear, dear! it’s dreary enough, to have to study this impossible German tongue: to be exiled from home and all human society except a body’s sister in order to do it, is just simply abscheulich. Here’s only three weeks of the three months gone, and it seems like three years. I don’t believe I can live through it, and I’m sure Annie can’t. (Refers to her book, and rattles through, several
Annie. (Memorizing: Er liess mich gestern frÜh rufen, und sagte mir dass er einen sehr unangenehmen Brief von Ihrem Lehrer M. (Still not seeing her sister.) Wie geht es Ihrem Herrn Schwiegervater? Es freut mich sehr, dass Ihre Frau Mutter wieder wohl ist. (Repeats. Then mouths in silence.) (Annie repeats her sentence a couple of times aloud; then looks up, working her lips, and discovers Margaret.) Oh, you here! (Running to her.) O lovey-dovey, dovey-lovey, I’ve got the gr-reatest news! Guess, guess, guess! You’ll never guess in a hundred thousand million years—and more! M. Oh, tell me, tell me, dearie; don’t keep me in agony. A. Well, I will. What—do—you—think? They’re here! M. Wh-a-t! Who? When? Which? Speak! A. Will and George! M. Annie Alexandra Victoria Stephenson, what do you mean! A. As sure as guns! M. (Spasmodically unarming and kissing A. As sure as guns! M. I don’t mean that! Tell me again, that— A. (Springing up and waltzing about the room.) They’re here—in this very village—to learn German—for three months! Es sollte mich sehr freuen wenn Sie— M. (Joining in the dance.) Oh, it’s just too lovely for anything! (Unconsciously memorizing:) Es wÄre mir lieb wenn Sie morgen mit mir in die Kirche gehen kÖnnten, aber ich kann selbst nicht gehen, weil ich Sonntags gewÖhnlich krank bin. Juckhe! A. (Finishing some unconscious memorizing.)—morgen Mittag bei mir speisen kÖnnten. Juckhe! Sit down and I’ll tell you all I’ve heard. (They sit.) They’re here, and under that same odious law that fetters us—our tongues, I mean; the metaphor’s faulty, but no matter. They can go out, and see people, only on condition that they hear and speak German, and German only. A. And they’re coming to see us! M. Darling! (Kissing her.) But are you sure? A. Sure as guns—Gatling guns! M. ’Sh! don’t child, it’s schrecklich! Darling—you aren’t mistaken? A. As sure as g—batteries!
M. (With distress.) But, Annie dear!—we can’t talk German—and neither can they! A. (Sorrowfully.) I didn’t think of that. M. How cruel it is! What can we do? A. (After a reflective pause, resolutely.) Margaret—we’ve got to. M. Got to what? A. Speak German. M. Why, how, child? A. (Contemplating her pamphlet with earnestness.) I can tell you one thing. Just give me the blessed privilege: just hinsetzen Will Jackson here in front of me and I’ll talk German to him as long as this Meisterschaft holds out to burn. A. I’ll skin this Meisterschaft to the last sentence in it! M. (With a happy idea.) Why, Annie, it’s the greatest thing in the world. I’ve been all this time struggling and despairing over these few little Meisterschaft primers: but as sure as you live, I’ll have the whole fifteen by heart before this time day after to-morrow. See if I don’t. A. And so will I; and I’ll trowel-in a layer of Ollendorff mush between every couple of courses of Meisterschaft bricks. Juckhe! M. Hoch! hoch! hoch! A. Stoss an! M. Juckhe! Wir werden gleich gute deutsche SchÜlerinnen werden! Juck—— A. —he! M. Annie, when are they coming to see us? To-night? A. No. M. No? Why not? When are they coming? A. (Breaking in.) Wait, wait, wait! give a body a chance. They have their reasons. M. Reasons?—what reasons? A. Well, now, when you stop and think, they’re royal good ones. They’ve got to talk German when they come, haven’t they? Of course. Well, they don’t know any German but Wie befinden Sie sich, and Haben Sie gut geschlafen, and Vater unser, and Ich trinke lieber Bier als Wasser, and a few little parlor things like that; but when it comes to talking, why, they don’t know a hundred and fifty German words, put them all together. M. Oh, I see! A. So they’re going neither to eat, sleep, smoke, nor speak the truth till they’ve crammed home the whole fifteen Meisterschafts auswendig! M. Noble hearts! A. They’ve given themselves till day after to-morrow, half-past 7 P. M., and then they’ll arrive here, loaded. A. So can I. Meisterschaft’s mere fun—I don’t see how it ever could have seemed difficult. Come! We can be disturbed here: let’s give orders that we don’t want anything to eat for two days; and are absent to friends, dead to strangers, and not at home even to nougat-peddlers—— M. SchÖn! and we’ll lock ourselves into our rooms, and at the end of two days, whosoever may ask us a Meisterschaft question shall get a Meisterschaft answer—and hot from the bat! Both. (Reciting in unison.) Ich habe einen Hut fÜr meinen Sohn, ein Paar Handschuhe fÜr meinen Bruder, und einen Kamm fÜr mich selbst gekauft.
Wirthin. (Solus.) Ach, die armen MÄdchen, sie hassen die deutsche Sprache, drum ist es ganz und gar unmÖglich dass sie sie je lernen kÖnnen. Es bricht mir ja mein Herz ihre Kummer Über die Studien anzusehen.... Warum haben sie den Entschluss (A knock at the door.) Herein!
G. Er ist schon wieder da, und sagt dass er nur Sie sehen will. (Hands the card.) Auch— Wirthin. Gott im Himmel—der Vater der MÄdchen! (Puts the card in her pocket.) Er wÜnscht die TÖchter nicht zu treffen? Ganz recht; also, Du schweigst. G. Zu Befehl. Wirthin. Lass ihn hereinkommen. G. Ja, Frau Wirthin!
Wirthin. (Solus.) Ah—jetzt muss ich ihm die Wahrheit offenbaren.
Stephenson. Good morning, Mrs. Blumenthal—keep your seat, keep your seat, please. I’m only here for a moment—merely to get your report, you know. (Seating himself.) Don’t want to see the girls—poor things, they’d want to go home with me. I’m afraid I couldn’t have the heart to say no. How’s the German getting along? Wirthin. N-not very well; I was afraid you would ask me that. You see, they hate it, they don’t take the least interest in it, and there isn’t anything to incite them to an interest, you see. And so they can’t talk at all. S. M-m. That’s bad. I had an idea that they’d get lonesome, and have to seek society; and then, of course, my plan would work, considering the cast-iron conditions of it. Wirthin. But it hasn’t so far. I’ve thrown nice company in their way—I’ve done my very best, in every way I could think of—but it’s no use; they won’t go out, and they won’t receive anybody. And a body can’t blame them; they’d be tongue-tied—couldn’t do anything S. (Aside.) Good soul! she doesn’t suspect that my plan is a double scheme—includes a speaking knowledge of German, which I am bound they shall have, and the keeping them away from those two young fellows—though if I had known that those boys were going off for a year’s foreign travel, I—however, the girls would never learn that language at home; they’re here, and I won’t relent—they’ve got to stick the three months out. (Aloud.) So they are making poor progress? Now tell Wirthin. Well, now, I’ll tell you the only chance I see. Do what I will, they won’t answer my German with anything but English; if that goes on, they’ll stand stock still. Now I’m willing to do this: I’ll straighten everything up, get matters in smooth running order, and day after to-morrow I’ll go to bed sick, and stay sick three weeks. S. Good! You are an angel! I see your idea. The servant girl— Wirthin. That’s it; that’s my project. She doesn’t know a word of English. And Gretchen’s a real good soul, and can talk the slates off a roof. Her tongue’s just a flutter-mill. I’ll keep my room,—just ailing a little,—and they’ll never see my face except when they pay their little duty-visits to me, and then I’ll say English disorders my mind. They’ll be shut up with Gretchen’s wind-mill, and she’ll just grind them to powder. Oh, they’ll get a start in the language—sort of a one, sure’s you live. You come back in three weeks. Wirthin. Leben Sie wohl! mein Herr! ACT II.SCENE I.
Annie. Was fehlt der Wirthin? Margaret. Dass weiss ich nicht. Sie ist schon vor zwei Tagen ins Bett gegangen— A. My! how fliessend M. Danke schÖn—und sagte dass sie nicht wohl sei. A. Good! Oh, no, I don’t mean that! no—only lucky for us—glÜcklich, you know I mean because it’ll be so much nicer to have them all to ourselves. M. Oh, natÜrlich! Ja! Dass ziehe ich A. Well, I know it is with me—every last sentence of it; and a couple of hods of Ollendorff, too, for emergencies. May be they’ll refuse to deliver,—right off—at first, you know—der Verlegenheit wegen—aber ich will sie spÄter herausholen—when I get my hand in—und vergisst Du dass nicht! M. Sei nicht grob, Liebste. What shall we talk about first—when they come? A. Well—let me see. There’s shopping—and—all that about the trains, you know,—and going to church—and—buying tickets to London, and Berlin, and all around—and all that subjunctive stuff about the battle in Afghanistan, and where the American was said to be born, and so on—and—and ah—oh, there’s so many things—I don’t think a body can choose beforehand, because you know the circumstances and the atmosphere always have so much to do in directing a conversation, especially a German conversation, which is only a kind of an insurrection, any way. I believe M. Oh, dear, I’m all of a tremble! Let’s get something ready, Annie! (Both fall nervously to reciting): Entschuldigen Sie, mein Herr, kÖnnen Sie mir vielleicht sagen wie ich nach dem norddeutschen
Both. Herein! Oh, dear! O der heilige—
Gretchen (Ruffled and indignant.) Entschuldigen Sie, meine gnÄdigsten FrÄulein, es sind zwei junge rasende Herren draussen, die herein wollen, aber ich habe ihnen geschworen dass—(Handing the cards.) M. Du liebe Zeit, they’re here! And of course down goes my back hair! Stay and receive them, dear, while I—(Leaving.) A. I—alone? I won’t! I’ll go with you! (To G.) Lassen Sie die Herren nÄher treten; Gr. (Solus.) Was! Sie freuen sich darÜber? Und ich sollte wirklich diese BlÖdsinnigen, dies grobe Rindvieh hereinlassen? In den hÜlflosen UmstÄnden meiner gnÄdigen jungen Damen?—Unsinn! (Pause—thinking.) Wohlan! Ich werde sie mal beschÜtzen! Sollte man nicht glauben, dass sie einen Sparren zu viel hÄtten? (Tapping her skull significantly.) Was sie mir doch Alles gesagt haben! Der Eine: Guten Morgen! wie geht es Ihrem Herrn Schwiegervater? Du liebe Zeit! Wie sollte ich einen Schwiegervater haben kÖnnen! Und der Andere: “Es thut mir sehr leid dass Ihr (Exit, grumbling and shaking her head.)
W. My land, what a girl! and what an incredible gift of gabble!—kind of patent climate-proof compensation-balance self-acting automatic Meisterschaft—touch her button, and br-r-r! away she goes! Geo. Never heard anything like it; tongue journaled on ball-bearings! I wonder what she said; seemed to be swearing, mainly. W. (After mumbling Meisterschaft awhile.) Geo. I know it, Will, and it is awful; but I can’t live without seeing Margaret—I’ve endured it as long as I can. I should die if I tried to hold out longer—and even German is preferable to death. W. (Hesitatingly.) Well, I don’t know; it’s a matter of opinion. Geo. (Irritably.) It isn’t a matter of opinion either. German is preferable to death. W. (Reflectively.) Well, I don’t know—the problem is so sudden—but I think you may be right: some kinds of death. It is more than likely that a slow, lingering—well, now, there in Canada in the early times a couple of centuries ago, the Indians would take a missionary and skin him, and get some hot ashes and boiling water and one thing and another, and by and by, that missionary—well, yes, I can see that, by and by, talking German could be a pleasant change for him. Geo. Why, of course. Das versteht sich; W. Do you think that’ll see us through? Geo. Why it’s got to. Suppose we wandered out of it and took a chance at the language on our own responsibility, where the nation would we be? Up a stump, that’s where. Our only safety is in sticking like wax to the text. W. But what can we talk about? Geo. Why, anything that Meisterschaft talks about. It ain’t our affair. W. I know; but Meisterschaft talks about everything. Geo. And yet don’t talk about anything long enough for it to get embarrassing. Meisterschaft is just splendid for general conversation. Geo. Foolish? Why, of course; all German sounds foolish. W. Well, that is true; I didn’t think of that. Geo. Now, don’t fool around any more. Load up; load up; get ready. Fix up some sentences; you’ll need them in two minutes now. (They walk up and down, moving their lips in dumb-show memorizing.) W. Look here—when we’ve said all that’s in the book on a topic, and want to change the subject, how can we say so?—how would a German say it? Geo. Well, I don’t know. But you know when they mean “Change cars,” they say Umsteigen. Don’t you reckon that will answer? W. Tip-top! It’s short and goes right to the point; and it’s got a business whang to it that’s almost American. Umsteigen!—change subject!—why, it’s the very thing. Geo. All right, then, you umsteigen—for I hear them coming.
A. To W. (With solemnity.) Guten morgen, mein Herr, es freut mich sehr, Sie zu sehen. W. Guten morgen, mein FrÄulein, es freut mich sehr Sie zu sehen. (Margaret and George repeat the same sentences. Then, after an embarrassing silence, Margaret refers to her book and says:) M. Bitte, meine Herren, setzen Sie sich. The Gentlemen. Danke schÖn. (The four seat themselves in couples, the width of the stage apart, and the two conversations begin. The talk is not flowing—at any rate at first; there are painful silences all along. Each couple worry out a remark and a reply: there is a pause of silent thinking, and then the other couple deliver themselves.) W. Haben Sie meinen Vater in dem Laden meines Bruders nicht gesehen? A. Nein, mein Herr, ich habe Ihren Herrn Vater in dem Laden Ihres Herrn Bruders nicht gesehen. Geo. Waren Sie gestern Abend im Koncert, oder im Theater?
W. Ich stÖre doch nicht etwa? A. Sie stÖren mich durchaus nicht. Geo. Bitte, lassen Sie sich nicht von mir stÖren. M. Aber ich bitte Sie, Sie stÖren mich durchaus nicht. W. (To both girls.) Wen wir Sie stÖren so gehen wir gleich wieder. A. O, nein! Gewiss, nein! M. Im Gegentheil, es freut uns sehr, Sie zu sehen—alle Beide. W. SchÖn! Geo. Gott sei dank! M. (Aside.) It’s just lovely! A. (Aside.) It’s like a poem.
W. Umsteigen! M. Um—welches? W. Umsteigen. Both Girls. Wie schÖn! W. Wir haben uns die Freiheit genommen, bei Ihnen vorzusprechen. A. Sie sind sehr gÜtig. Geo. Wir wollten uns erkundigen, wie Sie sich befÄnden. M. Ich bin Ihnen sehr verbunden—meine Schwester auch. W. Meine Frau lasst sich Ihnen bestens empfehlen. A. Ihre Frau? W. (Examining his book.) Vielleicht habe ich mich geirrt. (Shows the place.) Nein, gerade so sagt das Buch. A. (Satisfied.) Ganz recht. Aber— W. Bitte empfehlen Sie mich Ihrem Herrn Bruder. A. Ah, dass ist viel besser—viel besser. (Aside.) Wenigstens es wÄre viel besser wenn ich einen Bruder hÄtte. Geo. Wie ist es Ihnen gegangen, seitdem ich das VergnÜgen hatte
Geo. (Still to Margaret.) Befindet sich Ihre Frau Gemahlin wohl? Gr. (Raising hands and eyes.) Frau Gemahlin—heiliger Gott! (Is like to betray herself with her smothered laughter and glides out.) M. Danke sehr, meine Frau ist ganz wohl.
W. DÜrfen wir vielleicht—umsteigen? The Others. Gut! Geo. (Aside.) I feel better, now. I’m beginning to catch on. (Aloud.) Ich mÖchte gern morgen frÜh einige EinkÄufe machen und wÜrde Ihnen sehr verbunden sein, wenn Sie mir den Gefallen thÄten, mir die Namen der besten hiesigen Firmen aufzuschreiben. M. (Aside.) How sweet! W. (Aside.) Hang it, I was going to say that! That’s one of the noblest things in the book. M. Sagen Sie dem BrieftrÄger W. Ich wÜrde Ihnen sehr verbunden sein, wenn Sie diese Schachtel fÜr mich nach der Post tragen wÜrden, da mir sehr daran liegt einen meiner GeschÄftsfreunde in dem Laden des deutschen A. Aber Herr Jackson! Sie haben die SÄtze gemischt. Es ist unbegreiflich wie Sie das haben thun kÖnnen. Zwischen Ihrem ersten Theil und Ihrem letzten Theil haben Sie ganze fÜnfzig Seiten Übergeschlagen! Jetzt bin ich ganz verloren. Wie kann man reden, wenn man seinen Platz durchaus nicht wieder finden kann? W. Oh, bitte, verzeihen Sie; ich habe dass wirklich nich beabsichtigt. (Gretchen slips in again with her gun.) W. Unzweifelhaft haben Sie Recht, meine holdselige LandsmÄnnin..... Umsteigen!
Geo. Glauben Sie, dass ich ein hÜbsches Wohnzimmer fÜr mich selbst und ein kleines Schlafzimmer fÜr meinen Sohn in diesem Hotel fÜr fÜnfzehn Mark die Woche bekommen kann, oder wÜrden Sie mir rathen, in einer Privatwohnung Logis zu nehmen? (Aside.) That’s a daisy! Gr. (Aside.) Schade! (She draws her charge and reloads.) M. Glauben Sie nicht Sie werden besser thun bei diesem Wetter zu Hause zu bleiben? A. Freilich glaube ich, Herr Franklin, Sie werden sich erkÄlten, wenn Sie bei diesem Gr. (Relieved—aside.) So? Man redet von Ausgehen. Das klingt schon besser. (Sits.) W. (To A.) Wie theuer haben Sie das gekauft? (Indicating a part of her dress.) A. Das hat achtzehn Mark gekostet. W. Das ist sehr theuer. Geo. Ja, obgleich dieser Stoff wunderschÖn ist und das Muster sehr geschmackvoll und auch das VorzÜglichste dass es in dieser Art gibt, so ist es doch furchtbar theuer fÜr einen solchen Artikel. M. (Aside.) How sweet is this communion of soul with soul! A. Im Gegentheil, mein Herr, das ist sehr billig. Sehen Sie sich nur die QualitÄt an. (They all examine it.) Geo. MÖglicherweise ist es das allerneuste dass man in diesem Stoff hat; aber das Muster gefÄllt mir nicht.
W. Umsteigen! A. Welchen Hund haben Sie? Haben Sie W. (Aside.) Oh, come, she’s ringing in a cold deck on us: that’s Ollendorff. Geo. Ich habe nicht den Hund des—des—(Aside.) Stuck! That’s no Meisterschaft; they don’t play fair. (Aloud.) Ich habe nicht den Hund des—des—In unserem Buche leider, gibt es keinen Hund; daher, ob ich auch gern von solchen Thieren sprechen mÖchte, ist es mir doch unmÖglich, weil ich nicht vorbereitet bin. Entschuldigen Sie, meine Damen. Gr. (Aside.) Beim Teufel, sie sind alle blÖdsinnig geworden. In meinem Leben habe ich nie ein so nÄrrisches, verfluchtes, verdammtes GesprÄch gehÖrt. W. Bitte, umsteigen.
M. (Aside.) Oh, I’ve flushed an easy batch! (Aloud.) WÜrden Sie mir erlauben meine Reisetasche hier hinzustellen? W. Bitte sehr. Geo. Ist meine Reisetasche Ihnen im Wege? Gr. (Aside.) Und wo ist seine Reisetasche? A. Erlauben Sie mir Sie von meiner Reisetasche zu befreien. Gr. (Aside.) Du Esel! W. Ganz und gar nicht. (To Geo.) Es ist sehr schwÜl in diesem CoupÉ. Gr. (Aside.) CoupÉ. Geo. Sie haben Recht. Erlauben Sie mir, gefÄlligst, das Fenster zu Öffnen. Ein wenig Luft wÜrde uns gut M. Wir fahren sehr rasch. A. Haben Sie den Namen jener Station gehÖrt? W. Wie lange halten wir auf dieser Station an? Geo. Ich reise nach Dresden, Schaffner. Wo muss ich umsteigen? A. Sie steigen nicht um, Sie bleiben sitzen. Gr. (Aside.) Sie sind ja alle ganz und gar Geo. (Aside, to William) Now brace up; pull all your confidence together, my boy, and we’ll try that lovely good-bye business a flutter. I think it’s about the gaudiest thing in the book, if you boom it right along and don’t get left on a base. It’ll impress the girls. (Aloud.) Lassen Sie uns gehen: es ist schon sehr spÄt, und ich muss morgen ganz frÜh aufstehen. Gr. (Aside-grateful.) Gott sei Dank dass sie endlich gehen. (Sets her gun aside.) W. (To Geo.) Ich danke Ihnen hÖflichst fÜr die Ehre die sie mir erweisen, aber ich kann nicht lÄnger bleiben. Geo. (To W.) Entschuldigen Sie mich gÜtigst, aber ich kann wirklich nicht lÄnger bleiben.
W. (To Geo.) Ich habe schon eine Einladung angenommen; ich kann wirklich nicht lÄnger bleiben. Gretchen fingers her gun again. Geo. (To W.) Ich muss gehen. W. (To Geo.) Wie! Sie wollen schon wieder gehen? Sie sind ja eben erst gekommen. M. (Aside). It’s just music! A. (Aside.) Oh, how lovely they do it! Geo. (To W.) Also denken sie doch noch nicht an’s Gehen. W. (To Geo.) Es thut mir unendlich leid, aber ich muss nach Hause. Meine Frau wird sich wundern, was aus mir geworden ist. Geo. (To W.) Meine Frau hat keine Ahnung wo ich bin: ich muss wirklich jetzt fort. W. (To Geo.) Dann will ich Sie nicht lÄnger aufhalten; ich bedaure sehr dass Sie uns einen so kurzen Besuch gemacht haben. Geo. (To W.) Adieu—auf recht baldiges Wiedersehen. W. Umsteigen!
M. (Aside.) Oh, how perfect! how elegant! A. (Aside.) Per-fectly enchanting! Joyous Chorus. (All.) Ich habe gehabt,
W. (Takes out some money—beckons Gretchen to him. George adds money to the pile.) HÜbsches MÄdchen (giving her some of the coins), hast Du etwas gesehen? Gr. (Courtesy—aside.) Der Engel! (Aloud—impressively.) Ich habe nichts gesehen. W. (More money.) Hast Du etwas gehÖrt? Gr. Ich habe nichts gehÖrt. W. (More money.) Und Morgen? Gr. Morgen—wÄre es nÖthig—bin ich taub und blind. W. Unvergleichbares MÄdchen! Und (giving the rest of the money) darnach? Gr. (Deep courtesy—aside.) Erzengel! (Aloud.) Darnach, mein All. (In chorus.—with reverent joy.) Ich habe gehabt, du hast gehabt, er hat gehabt, ACT III.
SCENE I.
Gr. Wie hÄtte man sich das vorstellen kÖnnen! In nur drei Wochen bin ich schon reich geworden! (Gets out of her pocket handful after handful of silver, which she piles on the table, and proceeds to re-pile and count, occasionally ringing or biting a piece to try its quality.) Oh, dass (with a sigh) die Frau Wirthin nur ewig krank bliebe!.... Diese edlen jungen MÄnner—sie sind ja so liebenswÜrdig! Und so fleissig!—und so treu! Jeden Morgen kommen sie gerade um drei Viertel auf neun; und plaudern und schwatzen, und plappern, und schnattern, die jungen Damen auch; um Schlage zwÖlf nehmen sie Abschied; um Schlage eins kommen sie schon
Wirthin. That was Mr. Stephenson’s train that just came in. Evidently the girls are out walking with Gretchen;—can’t find them, and she doesn’t seem to be around. (A ring at the door.) That’s him. I’ll go see.
S. Well, how does sickness seem to agree with you? Wirthin. So well that I’ve never been out of my room since, till I heard your train come in. S. Thou miracle of fidelity! Now I argue from that, that the new plan is working. S. Succeeds? No—you don’t mean it. Wirthin. Indeed I do mean it. I tell you, Mr. Stephenson, that plan was just an inspiration—that’s what it was. You could teach a cat German by it. S. Dear me, this is noble news! Tell me about it. Wirthin. Well, it’s all Gretchen—every bit of it. I told you she was a jewel. And then the sagacity of that child—why, I never dreamed it was in her. Sh-she, “Never you ask the young ladies a question—never let on—just keep mum—leave the whole thing to me,” sh-she. S. Good! And she justified, did she? Wirthin. Well, sir, the amount of German gabble that that child crammed into those two girls inside the next forty-eight hours—well, I was satisfied! So I’ve never asked a question—never wanted to ask any. I’ve just lain S. Sp-lendid, splendid! Wirthin. Of course it ain’t grammatical—the inventor of the language can’t talk grammatical; if the Dative didn’t fetch him the Accusative would; but it’s German all the same, and don’t you forget it! S. Go on—go on—this is delicious news— Wirthin. Gretchen, she says to me at the start, “Never you mind about company for ’em,” sh-she—“I’m company enough.” And I says, “All right—fix it your own way, child and that she was right is shown by the fact that to this day they don’t care a straw for any company but hers.” S. Dear me; why, it’s admirable! Wirthin. Well, I should think so! They just dote on that hussy—can’t seem to get enough of her. Gretchen tells me so herself. And the care she takes of them! She tells me that S. Why, the little dev—missionary! Really, she’s a genius! Wirthin. She’s a bud, I tell you! Dear me, how she’s brought those girls’ health up! Cheeks?—just roses. Gait?—they walk on watch-springs! And happy?—by the bliss in their eyes, you’d think they’re in Paradise! Ah, that Gretchen! Just you imagine our trying to achieve these marvels! S. You’re right—every time. Those girls—why, all they’d have wanted to know was what we wanted done—and then they wouldn’t have done it—the mischievous young rascals! Wirthin. Don’t tell me? Bless you, I found that out early—when I was bossing. S. Well, I’m im-mensely pleased. Now fetch them down. I’m not afraid now. They won’t want to go home. Wirthin. Home! I don’t believe you could drag them away from Gretchen with nine span S. I’m with you—lead on. Wirthin. We’ll go out the side door. It’s toward the Anlage.
M. (Turning a fond face up at him.) Du Engel! G. Liebste! (Kiss.) M. Oh, das Liedchen dass Du mir gewidmet hast—es ist so schÖn, so wunderschÖn. Wie hÄtte ich je geahnt dass Du ein Poet G. Mein SchÄtzchen!—es ist mir lieb wenn Dir die Kleinigkeit gefÄllt. M. Ah, es ist mit der zÄrtlichsten Musik gefÜllt—klingt ja so sÜss und selig—wie das FlÜstern des Sommerwindes die AbenddÄmmerung hindurch. Wieder,—Theuerste!—sag’ es wieder. So schÖn und hold und rein— Ich schau Dich an, und Wehmuth Schleicht mir ins Herz hinein. Mir ist als ob ich die HÄnde Aufs Haupt Dir legen sollt, Betend dass Gott Dich erhalte, So rein und schÖn und hold. M. A-ch! (Dumb-show sentimentalisms.) Georgie— G. Kindchen! M. Warum kommen sie nicht? G. Dass weiss ich gar nicht. Sie waren— M. Es wird spÄt. Wir mÜssen sie antreiben. Komm! G. Ich glaube sie werden recht bald ankommen, aber—
Gr. Ach! was wird jetzt aus mir werden! ZufÄllig habe ich in der Ferne den verdammten Papa gesehen!—und die Frau Wirthin auch! Oh, diese Erscheinung,—die hat mir beinahe das Leben genommen. Sie suchen die jungen Damen—das weiss ich wenn sie
A. Ich liebe Dich W. Liebste! Es ist nur eine Kleinigkeit. A. Nein, nein, es ist ein echtes Wunder! Sage es noch einmal—ich flehe Dich an. W. Du bist wie eine Blume!— So schÖn und hold und rein— Ich schau Dich an, und Wehmuth Schleicht mir ins Herz hinein. Mir ist als ob ich die HÄnde Aufs Haupt Dir legen sollt, Betend dass Gott Dich erhalte, So rein und schÖn und hold. W. Oh, ja—zuweilen. A. Wie schÖn! W. (Aside.) Smouches ’em, same as I do! It was a noble good idea to play that little thing on her. George wouldn’t ever think of that—somehow he never had any invention. A. (Arranging chairs.) Jetzt will ich bei Dir sitzen bleiben, und Du— W. (They sit.) Ja,—und ich— A. Du wirst mir die alte Geschichte die immer neu bleibt, noch wieder erzÄhlen. W. Zum Beispiel, dass ich Dich liebe! A. Wieder! W. Ich—sie kommen!
A. Das macht nichts. Fortan! (George unties M.’s bonnet. She re-ties his cravat—interspersings of love-pats, etc., and dumb-show of love-quarrelings.) W. Ich liebe Dich. W. Ich habe Dich von Herzen lieb. A. Ach! Abermals! W. Bist Du denn noch nicht satt? A. Nein! (The other couple sit down, and Margaret begins a re-tying of the cravat. Enter the Wirthin and Stephenson, he imposing silence with a sign.) Mich hungert sehr, ich verhungre! W. Oh, Du armes Kind! (Lays her head on his shoulder. Dumb-show between Stephenson and Wirthin.) Und hungert es nicht mich? Du hast mir nicht einmal gesagt— A. Dass ich Dich liebe? Mein Eigener! (Frau Wirthin threatens to faint—is supported by Stephenson.) HÖre mich nur an: Ich liebe Dich, ich liebe Dich—
Gr. (Tears her hair.) Oh, dass ich in der HÖlle wÄre! M. Ich liebe Dich, ich liebe Dich! Ah, ich bin so glÜcklich dass ich nicht schlafen kann, nicht lesen kann, nicht reden kann, nicht— Stephenson. (To Wirthin—aside.) Oh, there isn’t any mistake about it—Gretchen’s just a rattling teacher! Wirthin. (To Stephenson—aside.) I’ll skin her alive when I get my hands on her! M. Kommt Du, Du, wie ich Dich liebe, Du, Du, liebst auch mich! Die, die zÄrtlichsten Triebe— S. (Stepping forward.) Well!
The Girls. Why, father! S. My darlings!
The Young Men. Why, father! S. (Struggling.) Oh come, this is too thin!—too quick, I mean. Let go, you rascals! M. Right! hold to him! A. Cling to him, Will!
S. (Suffocating.) All right, all right—have it your own way, you quartette of swindlers! W. He’s a darling! Three cheers for papa! Everybody. (Except Stephenson who bows with hand on heart.) Hip—hip—hip: hurrah, hurrah, hurrah! Gr. Der Tiger—ah-h-h! Wirthin. Sei ruhig, you hussy! S. Well, I’ve lost a couple of precious daughters, but I’ve gained a couple of precious scamps to fill up the gap with; so it’s all right. I’m satisfied, and everybody’s forgiven—(With mock threats at Gretchen.) W. Oh, wir werden fÜr Dich sorgen—du herrliches Gretchen! M. (To Wirthin.) Und fÜr Sie auch; denn wenn Sie nicht so freundlich gewesen wÄren, krank zu werden, wie wÄren wir je so glÜcklich geworden wie jetzt? Wirthin. Well, dear, I was kind, but I didn’t mean it. But I ain’t sorry—not one bit—that I ain’t.
S. Come now, the situation is full of hope, and grace, and tender sentiment. If I had in the least the poetic gift, I know I could improvise under such an inspiration (each girl nudges her sweetheart) something worthy to—to—is there no poet among us?
Mir ist als ob ich die HÄnde Aufs
Wirthin. (Aside.) Why the very cats in Germany know it!
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