  Tussaud’s in verse—Tom Hood’s quatrain—“Alfred among the Immortals”—A refuge for Cabinet Ministers—Two dialogues—“This is fame!” On very many occasions Madame Tussaud’s has been the subject of prose and verse in the public Press. I have already given a few extracts. Here are other quotations, some of which will surely raise a smile. TOM HOOD Tom Hood was one of the first of a long line of authors and editors who paid tribute to Madame Tussaud’s. Tom Hood, the prince of punsters, honoured us with the following quatrain: The stillborn figures of Madame Tussaud, With their eyes of glass and their hair of flax, They only stare whatever you ax, For their ears, you know, are nothing but wax. Punch has always been very fond of honouring us with quips and sallies regarding portraits that seemed to merit such good-humoured attention. The dapper and debonair late Poet Laureate, Mr. Alfred Austin, had not long been added to the collection when our genial jester coruscated as follows: ALFRED AUSTIN Poet Laureate 1896-1913. ALFRED AMONG THE IMMORTALS. The Poet Laureate is on View at Madame Tussaud’s. “Let them gibe, let them jeer, Let them snigger and sneer At my dramas, my lays, and my odes! Others know my true worth— ’Mid the great ones on earth, They’ve enshrined me at Madame Tussaud’s.” A more recent contribution from a light versifier runs: There’s a refuge, if Cabinet duties cease, Where Ministers anxious to rest—with Peace— May do so. Political stars who are on the wane In a popular Chamber may wax again Chez Tussaud. Here is another quotation from Punch: There once was a Madame called Tussaud Who loved the grand folk in Who’s Who, so That she made them in wax, Both their fronts and their backs, And asked no permission to do so. One thing is to be noted about the last two quotations: the writer gives the right pronunciation to the name Tussaud, whereas other “poets” often make it rhyme with “swords”—a common error. There was a picture in Moonshine, in which a policeman was separating two quarrelling errand boys. “Now then, you boys!” said the officer. Young Pat: “Shure an’ it’s all him. Hitting me, an’ I’ve got a uncle a Mimber of Parliament, I have.” Young John: “And what of that? Why did he cheek me? I’m as good as him. I’ve got an uncle in Madame Tussaud’s.” The following adroit dialogue appeared in a humorous periodical beneath the picture of a Scottish minister addressing one of two dishevelled youths: Minister (to small boy who has been fighting): “Ah, laddie, think what wad hae bin done tae ye if ye had kilt that laddie!” Small Boy: “I’d a bin had up.” Minister: “Ah, yes, ye’d a bin had up, but something waur than that.” Small Boy: “I’d a bin hang, mebbie.” Minister: “Yes! but something waur than that wad a happen’d.” Small Boy: “After that I’d a bin pit in Madame Tussaud’s.” The family name often appears in the public Press with more rhyme than reason. The following verse published at the time of the Hague Peace Conference in 1899 is somewhat apropos at the present moment: When all are agreed in word and deed That pacific intentions shall rule, When armies disband on every hand And tin soldiers are not used at school, When rifles and swords are shown at Tussaud’s As inventions quite obsolete, Then we might be pleasant, but just at present We’re thinking ’bout keeping our Fleet. When the portrait model of Mr. Rudyard Kipling was added to the Exhibition, that gentleman was made the subject of the following lines: What though from distant climes I, young, unknown, Swift from obscurity Sprang to a throne? What though aforetime Worship was paid me? Though offers fabulous Publishers made me? What though the critics all Pleasantly flattered me? What though all this befell (As if this mattered) me? Now with sublime head Strike I the stars; Better is this to me Than all their “pars.” Modelled in wax at last, Now they do show me With other famous ones, Madame Tussaud me! Now may I pose supreme! Now to me, À la “Crowned heads,” the public grant Their great Valhalla! Now may the universe Echo my name; Now nothing more remains, This—this is Fame! |
|
