 
Lilly found this letter the second morning after the great event in the shape of a pellet stuck into the mouth of the pea-shooter, which leaned innocently against the jamb of the balcony door. It did not provide her with unqualified satisfaction. There were turns of expression in it which raised doubts as to the sincerity of his conversion. Nevertheless, his asseverations were so plain and unmistakable she felt she might take the core to be sound. It was simply that he could not refrain from his wanton way of speaking, which the person who loved him would have to acquiesce in. She kissed the letter and stuck it in her bosom, to lie there warm and secure awhile before she tore it up. In the afternoon she took a walk about the grounds, and actually found under her balcony a long heap of pine branches from between which a few ladder rungs peeped at her familiarly. Rejoiced at this token of his pain she ran off to the park, now soggy from the autumn rains, and sauntered about, marvelling from time to time that renunciation was so easy. After all it was not so easy. She discovered it was not in the course of the next few days, when life began to lose its content and intensity, when the hours jogged along in dreary autumnal greyness, and the evening came and the morning came without a reason why. Moreover, she failed to find that support in Anna von Schwertfeger which she had expected to. Although her friend withdrew none of the promises she had made, yet a shadowy wall circumscribed her, which no insinuating love could penetrate. She seemed almost to fear that too great familiarity with Lilly would bring down upon her own head the sin of the adulteress. Lilly had much to suffer from the colonel these days. She, like the rest, now fell a victim to his attacks of fury. And what was worse, in moments of quiet self-abandon, she would suddenly feel his dark, lowering look fastened upon her, betokening many a thought in his mind which boded her no good. She began to fear he had gotten wind of her affair with Von Prell; but Anna pooh-poohed the idea. "The symptoms would be rather different," she remarked. "Such a suspicion would not pass without leaving a few broken chairs or lamps behind. My opinion is, he feels bored at home. He's hankering for the regiment, and holds you responsible for the change in his life. I sincerely hope he doesn't come to hate you on that account. In that event only two courses would be open to you: separation or suicide." Here was small comfort. And no less dispiriting was his hesitation to introduce her to the neighbours. Long before, Miss von Schwertfeger had declared Lilly's education complete. No colonel's wife or high-born dame could now find fault with her manners. But the colonel looked at her distrustfully, and deferred the visits from week to week. Lilly kept up bravely in all her tribulations. Faith in herself and, still more, faith in him, gave her peace and strength. She regulated her days strictly according to rule with a fixed occupation for each hour. She learned Goethe's poems by heart, studied Shakespeare in English, read histories of art, and lost herself in the mazes of the French Revolution. She took special delight in a large geographical work, in which there were many pictures of southern ports, tropical forests, and bald, rocky mountain ranges. There were also full illustrations of Italy—pious pilgrims on crusades, enigmatic churches, and slender-columned porticos, which filled her with an ardent longing to be there. When she travelled great distances into strange countries and looked about timidly to find her way back again, whom did she see standing there all of a sudden, blond, freckled, in a black and white checked fall suit, making deep reverences? "As my lady commands." The tears welled up in her eyes. Her one diversion was to stand behind her balcony door—without his knowing she was there, of course—and look over to the lodge through the openings in the vine, the last leaves of which fluttered like little red flags. Oh, she might be proud of him. When he sat at the window in his leisure hours he never let himself be seen without the encyclopedia of agriculture in his hands. He closed his shutters early every evening. In his frivolous days he had hung heavy portiÈres at the windows, which, with the help of the shutters, prevented the tiniest ray of light from penetrating to the outside. Lilly doubted not in the least that his student's lamp burned until late at night, while he sat there over his book copying valuable extracts and soaring on the pinions of great creative ideas. She soared with him. She knew he could not lose his footing now. She had his vow, and he held her honour in his keeping. That would serve as a talisman, a guide on the road leading upward to a new life. A few weeks passed. He begged to be excused from coming to Sunday dinners; for which she was grateful to him. Fortune had favoured her still further by having bestowed a cold upon her that fateful night, as a result of which the physician forbade horseback riding throughout the winter. In this Miss von Schwertfeger probably had a hand. Once on a day early in December, the colonel, as if to spite his customary surliness, appeared at dinner in high feather. He chuckled to himself, his eyes danced and looked cunning, secret laughter, as it were, ran down his cheeks in rivulets. Lilly ventured to ask what was amusing him. At first he refused to speak. "Oh, stuff and nonsense, mind your own affairs." But he could not contain himself, and finally began: "Well, guess what happened to me. One of the men at the club said to me I'd better look sharp to my Prell, because stories were afloat that he kept knocking about in vile joints night after night and had even gotten mixed up in a nasty brawl on account of a hussy of a barmaid." Lilly felt an icy numbness creep slowly upward from her feet. Her limbs grew rigid. She smiled, and the smile cut into her cheeks like a sharp-edged stone. "At first, of course, I merely laughed at him, because, you know, there's only the one train to take going and coming, and lately I've been on that train nearly every day. No horse can stand twenty miles each way night after night, and the pocket money I give him won't hire a special train. That's what I said to the major; but he insisted. The younger gentlemen had told him; and it would be a pity if after all Von Prell had to be deprived of his uniform. When I got to the station at one o'clock, the business was still buzzing about in my head. I had a few moments' time, so I looked through the whole train—fourth class and all. Of course, not a sign. I did the same thing three times in succession. Well, I thought, it's a lie. And now listen. Yesterday, when I was just about to get into the train at this end, I remembered I had left my umbrella in the carriage. I can't get used to that piece of furniture. So I went back. The platform was already empty, but the train was still standing there; and when I passed the baggage car—sliding doors open—I saw someone on the opposite side jump out to the tracks and scamper off. 'Stop!' I called. But he ran and ran, into the woods. I was going to tell the baggage master, who was on the platform next to the locomotive, but Prell flashed into my mind. I said to Henry: 'Drive as if the devil were after you,' and we reached here in five minutes. But then, I reflected, he must have heard the carriage wheels from the path. So I went up to my room to hurry and turn on the lights. I wanted him to think I was in my room already. Did I wake you up, Lilly?" The colonel started. "How you look, Lilly!" "I?" she said, and smiled again. "She hasn't been feeling very well all day," Miss von Schwertfeger interjected hastily. "Besides, your story's very exciting, colonel. I'm all keyed up, too." "Hm," he muttered, twisting the end of his black dyed moustache, evidently little desirous of concluding his tale. But Lilly could not calm herself. "I must know, I must know," she cried, clasping her hands. She was beside herself. "Well, then," said the colonel, fixing his eyes on her, "down I go again in a jiffy—in ambush in front of the lodge—there he comes, stooping like a polecat—stands still—eyes my window—sees the light—aha, he thinks, all right. And just as he's about to stick the key in the lock, I tackle him by the collar." Lilly burst out into a mad laugh. "Isn't that funny, isn't that funny!" she cried. This time the colonel believed her. "Something funnier's coming," he continued. "'If you confess everything,' I said, 'I'll pardon you. But only on that condition. Otherwise you're off to-morrow bright and early.' Well, what do you think the rascal was up to? The good-for-nothing has a lady love—barmaid in the Golden Apple—where the sergeants and clerks resort. So, for the sake of bumming with her, he bribed a railroad official and actually went to town and came back as a piece of the king's baggage. Night after night rode in the same train as I did—each way. If that isn't rank impudence, what—Lilly!" A pause ensued. Lilly experienced a sensation of swaying and reeling as if tossed on stormy seas, a buzzing and singing; at the same time she felt Miss von Schwertfeger press her hand under the table by way of warning. The colonel rose, took Lilly's head between his hands, and pressing it until she thought her ears would split, said: "It seems you do need rest." With that he faced about, and left the room abruptly. "Now gather your wits together," Lilly heard her friend's disturbed voice behind her, "because after this he'll be on the look-out." Lilly wanted to throw herself on Miss von Schwertfeger's breast and be petted and comforted. But Miss von Schwertfeger, as if afraid somebody might catch her in too intimate a conversation with Lilly, held herself aloof, and said coolly, though in a friendly tone: "Excuse me, dear, I have something I must attend to this minute." With that, she, too, left the room. What now? Lilly stared into space. The remnants of the precipitate meal littered the table; the dark carved furniture cast black-edged rays from out of the room's wintry twilight; the brass chandeliers gleamed palely. All was as usual, and yet nothing was there, nothing but an awful, all-devouring void, an abyss which drew her into its bosom with the enticements of grappling hooks and huge tongs. She stepped to the window and looked out apathetically. The bare branches swayed in the wind, the ivy on the railing fluttered, even the arched stalks of the rose bushes, the heads of which the gardener had secured under heaps of earth, trembled and quivered this way and that. The world was writhing in the clutch of winter. The only still things were the leaves lying on the thin coating of snow which covered the ground; but the leaves were dead already. What now? If that could happen, then the very earth beneath her feet gave way; then there was no hope, no rising to loftier heights, no strength, and no fidelity; then you might as well throw yourself down beside the leaves out there and die. But before that—what? Dishes rattled behind her. No one had rung for the maid, but she had come of her own accord and was helping Ferdinand clear the table. Lilly thought of Katie and that other creature in whose arms he had made mock of her and her faith in him. She dragged her torpid legs up the steps to the rooms where she felt at home. In passing the colonel's door, she caught the sound of his tread as he fairly ran to and fro. She experienced not the faintest fear of him. "Let him run, if he wants to," she thought. When in her own room, she heard him give orders to have the carriage brought around immediately. "For all I care, he may stay here." She stepped out on the balcony. The iciness benumbing her neck crept into her arms and spread down to her very finger tips. There sat Walter, as always in his free time after dinner, completely absorbed in the great encyclopedia of agriculture, so full of zeal for study that every now and then he would pass his hand through his hair in a preoccupied way and without looking up—he hadn't so much time to spare, Heavens! no!—he would flick the ashes from his cigarette into a flower pot. In the face of this infamous game, which he played for the sole purpose of deceiving her, Lilly was seized by a wild, infuriated desire to denounce him, which completely robbed her of her senses. A stinging and pricking lifted her paralysed arms. The iciness gave way to a painful fever, which throbbed in her temples, and hung a red curtain before her eyes. She saw nothing, heard nothing. She rushed down the staircase, tore open the garden door, leapt down the stone steps, and ran at full speed straight across the lawn to the lodge. Whether someone spied her or not she did not care. The door to his room banged against the wall. She had not stopped to knock. A rank, pungent smell, as in a menagerie, assailed her nostrils. There he was, sitting at the window. He jumped to his feet. The grey daylight glided over his head. "He's had his hair cut brush fashion again," thought Lilly. "The dissolute life he's living demands it; the elegance of the dives demands it." "Good Lord!" he said, crumbling his burning cigarette between his fingers, "a pretty howdy-do!" "Why—? Why did you—?" she screamed at him. "You're a blackguard! Your word's not to be trusted! You're a liar!" "Confound it!" he said, and looked about helplessly. "How will my lady get out of this mess?" "You broke your promise—the most sacred bond uniting us. You—you—threw it away on a barmaid—a barmaid, a creature who would hang herself on anybody's neck for a couple of pennies. You're a vulgar profligate! You're not worth a woman's having tried to save you—you don't want to be saved—you want to go to the bad—" "All very good and fine," he said, "and probably very saddening and incontrovertible truths; but will my lady please explain how she expects to get out of here?" "I don't know anything I am more indifferent about," she cried. "I came for you to give me an account of yourself. I am asking you to answer me—immediately—here—now—on the spot." "Certainly, my lady, I will without fail. But first—damn it! hell! Get away from the window!" He cast a sharp, all-embracing glance at the castle. Nothing suspicious to be detected at that moment, at least. Alarmed by his snarling at her in that way, Lilly fled into the interior of the room, which was low, dark, and ill furnished. Here the vile animal smell was still stronger. From where it came was made clear to her the next instant. As she approached the rear wall, something suddenly snapped at her foot, and two little circular torches gleamed up at her wickedly. "Down, Tommy!" called Von Prell, while Lilly recoiled with an exclamation of fright. So that was Tommy, the other member of the triple alliance. Lilly leaned against the arm of the old spindle-legged sofa. Its worn springs squeaked under her pressure and pricked her thumbs, and the thought flashed into her mind: "What am I doing here? What is it all to me?" Von Prell the while stepped from door to door listening. "If that old Leichtweg had happened to be in the next room," he said, "we should be dying a dog's death. But if you go this instant, the front way, into the courtyard, they might suppose you had come to ask something, and perhaps we can patch it up still." All Lilly perceived in his words was a sly attempt at evasion, and a fresh flood of indignation overwhelmed her. "First justify yourself," she cried. "Until you do, I won't go this way, or that way, or the other way." To enforce her resolve she dropped down on the screeching sofa, which was covered with a dirty grey horseblanket folded into several thicknesses for protection against the sharp points of the springs. He was compelled to yield. "Very well, then, look here—a fellow's a human being, isn't he? And if he's given the go-by in that common way—" "Common way?" faltered Lilly. "What was common in my letter? Didn't I tear my heart out and throw it at your feet, and didn't Miss von Schwertfeger—?" She could not continue. Wrath and despair choked her utterance. In the meantime Von Prell, who at first had been at a complete loss, arrived at the proper policy to adopt. "Yes, that's just it," he said, growing more aggrieved with each word. "Is a love like ours to be concluded with a lukewarm homily? And that Schwertfeger—did I deserve being dismissed by you like an asthmatic old dog through the intermediation of a third person, a horrid, disgusting creature? Isn't it enough to make a man desperate after all he's done for you?" "What—did you—do for me?" queried Lilly. "Well—wasn't I a self-sacrificing comrade the whole time? Wasn't I disloyal even to my old colonel for your sake, that fine old gentleman, who saved my life, you might say? You see, all that's no small matter. Do you suppose it didn't cut me to the quick? Do you suppose I didn't get the blues? And then to be fooling round here alone night after night with that dung-beetle, that Tommy—the beast smells, I tell you. So why not try to dull one's feelings? Shouldn't I—how shall I say?—deaden the anguish of lost love? Not even deaden it? It's a perfect mystery to me how you can demand such a thing of me. We speak different languages, my dear child—there's a yawning chasm dividing our natures—and you're even willing to risk our two lives for such mummery. As a rule, I'm not an old aunt, but indeed, if only I had you out of this place." Throughout this long speech he had walked about Lilly in a semicircle, with one hand thrust in the belt of his Norfolk jacket, making short, jerky steps, which forcefully expressed his righteous indignation. Lilly sat on the sofa stiffly upright, mechanically turning her head after him now to the right, now to the left, and staring at him with great, uncomprehending eyes. When he stopped speaking, he drew a cigarette from the case and energetically beat off the superfluous tobacco with the index finger of his left hand. Lilly rose in all her height, leaving the sofa and the table next to the sofa far below her. "Listen, Walter," she said, "from this moment everything between us is at an end." "Why, wasn't it long ago?" "I mean—inwardly, too." "Oh, inwardly, too!" He made a little grimace. "With you that probably means if you have something in your stomach." When Lilly saw her love so ridiculed and mutilated, she could no longer restrain herself. With an outcry she ran from the sofa, and hid her face—anywhere at all—on the wall next to the window. "Get away from the window!" she heard him hiss. Oh, what did she care! In the extremity of his fright he took to pleading. "Just come away from the window," he said. "It was all mere twaddle. I simply wanted to make you laugh again, nothing more. Please come away from the window." She did not budge. To crawl off somewhere! To crawl away and hide herself and all her shame. She felt his hands seize her rudely. That, too! To suffer violence, too! She flung him off, wrestled with him, clawed at his neck— And suddenly— A whistling, a clash and clatter—shivers of glass flew over their heads, and a long, dark something, like the shaft of a lance, sped past them, knocked against something, rebounded, and fell at their feet. The same instant Lilly felt a rush of cold air on her forehead, which aroused her from the stupefaction of surprise. One of the two upper window panes had been broken. No living creature was to be seen. But the balcony door yonder, which had been closed a moment before, now showed a dark opening, and was swinging shut. "A narrow escape," murmured Walter, and stooped to pick up the mysterious thing from the floor, while the fragments of glass gritted beneath his feet. "The pea-shooter," Lilly faltered. "A mercy he didn't happen to have his fowling-piece at hand," said Walter, "else we'd be riddled into sieves." With the back of his hand he wiped away the sweat of fright standing on his forehead in bright beads. None the less he was a brave little chap, and knew on the instant what to do. He sprang to the wardrobe under which Tommy had burrowed, fetched out his army revolver, and tested all its parts. Then he said: "Now, please go into Leichtweg's room, and lock yourself in. The colonel's simply gone to load his gun. Then he'll be here." But Lilly refused. Her wrath against him had completely evaporated. "Let me stay with you, let me stay with you!" she begged, clasping his shoulders. "Impossible, child," he replied, with the old masterful lift to his brows. "What's coming is men's business." "Then I'll stand out in the hall, and receive him at your door." He bit his lips. "Well," he said, "if you take it that way, I can't help myself. Sit down, please." He removed the key from the outside of the door, stuck it in the lock on the inside and cautiously turned it several times. "Between loading and shooting," he said then, "there's a great big difference—but the devil knows." He took out his watch, and listened intently for sounds from the outside, while he counted, "a half—one—one and a half—two. Probably can't find his cartridges." Then commandingly: "Do sit down. You'll need your legs to-day." Lilly sank in one corner of the sofa, and he seated himself in the other, placing the watch between them on the bumpy seat. Both counted now with their eyes fastened on the second hand. "Two and a half—three—three and a half—four—four and a half—five minutes." Not a sound, save the wind howling in the bare branches. Then it seemed to them they heard the trot of horses starting in the courtyard and dying away on the other side of the gates. "Whom's he gone to fetch?" asked Walter. "We're not ready for seconds yet." Red suns danced before Lilly's eyes. The ceiling began to rise and sink. Walter kept on counting. "Seven—eight—eight and a half." Nothing. "Nine—nine and a half—ten—" Suddenly he emitted a faint whistle, and grasped his revolver. The front door grated on its hinges, steps resounded, but not the threatening, thundering steps of a vengeful husband. They were soft, hesitating, dragging steps. Then for a while nothing again—no sound, except the breathing of two persons—and someone else—on the other side of the door, it seemed. "Who's there?" called Walter. Now came a knock. Soft, broken, as if of trembling, failing fingers. "Who's there, in the devil's name?" he called again. "Anna von Schwertfeger." He jumped up and opened the door. There she stood, ashen-hued, red about the mouth, her lids quivering. "The colonel has just driven off to Baron von Platow. He will return in three hours. He charged me to tell you, Lilly, that when he comes back he doesn't want to find you on his premises." "And what did he charge you to tell me?" sneered Walter von Prell. Miss von Schwertfeger, without regarding him, took Lilly's hand. "Come. You haven't much time. We must pack." "But—but where am I to go?" she asked, helplessly, suffering herself to be drawn to her feet. When she got to the door of the lodge, she saw the carriage that was to convey her from the castle already rolling up the driveway. |
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