CHAPTER VIII

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Yes, sure enough, just as Alice and the Red Knight turned the corner they spied the Good Trust and the Bad Trust standing quite still, with their hands in each other's pockets. Alice thought it very odd, because the day was quite warm.

"They do that to keep in practice," said the Red Knight.

To Alice they looked like twins. They were dressed in suits of Pittsburgh steel, with woollen caps in the form of Schedule K. and boots made by the Shoe-Machine Trust.

"I am sure I could never tell them apart," said Alice. "How do you manage to do it?"

"There are several ways," said the Red Knight. "One way is to turn around and let one of them steal your purse. If he spends the money on yachts and Old Masters, it's the Bad Trust. But, if he spends the money on Presidential campaign contributions, it's the Good Trust."

"But what happens to my pocketbook?" asked Alice.

"I think you are very sordid," said the Red Knight. "However, you might try to shake hands with them. If he takes your hand and says, 'How do you do?' it's the Good Trust; but, if he takes your hand and then bites it, you'll know it's the Bad Trust."

"I don't think I like that way either," said Alice. "All I can see is that they look just alike, and behave in exactly the same way."

"That simply shows you lack incrimination and discrimination," said the Red Knight. "Incrimination to recognize the Bad Trust, and discrimination to recognize the Good Trust."

"Well, I wish you'd tell me how you manage to tell one from the other," said Alice.

"Usually I do it by instinct," said the Red Knight: "but when it's too dark to see well, I treat them with kindness."

"But what good does that do?" asked Alice.

"I thought you knew that everybody responds to kindness," said the Red Knight. "Only they respond in different ways. I get my best results by tickling them."

He walked up to the two Trusts, and poked his finger into the ribs of the one on the left, saying at the same time: "What do you think of the Sherman law?"

"Tee hee, tee hee," the Trust giggled.

"That," said the Red Knight, "is the Bad Trust. Did you ever see such criminal indifference? Now, watch me." And he proceeded to push his finger into the side of the other Trust, repeating: "What do you think of the Sherman law?"

"T.R.! T.R.!" shouted the Trust.

"That is the Good Trust," said the Red Knight. "Of course, it isn't a method that everybody would care to pursue. And that is why I am the only man in the country who can really tell the difference between the two."


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

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