JONATHAN SLICK IN NEW YORK.

Jonathan attends the President at the Howard House—Visits the Park Theatre with the President and his Handsome Girl—Goes with Mr. Robert Tyler to have his Hair Cut at Clairhugh's—Takes Refreshments with the Ladies at the Howard House—Bed-chamber Scene with the President—Serenade, &c.

Dear Par:

I begin tu feel a leetle sort of better, but nothing to brag on yit. I raly believe that I'd a been a gone sucker, if it hadn't been for the mustard plasters and the onions that Captin Doolittle kept a filling into me, outside and in, till I can a'most feel myself sprouting out greener than ever, and twice as strong. My gracious! when this ere influenza does git hold of a feller, it aint a critter that you can scare off in a hurry. It's the worst kind of a Down East cold, double and twisted strong; and if you don't humor it like a cosset lamb, jest as like as not it ups and goes off, stuboy, into a galloping consumption; and the worst on it is, it carries you off with it, whether you will or no.

Let me see; I was a telling you about the President, and how he seemed tu enjoy the doughnuts and switchel aboard the sloop. The old chap took tu it like a nussin baby, and if he wasn't clear grit, and no mistake, arter it, I don't know the symptoms of prime living.

Wal, we went back to the Howard Hotel, and the President he jumped out of the carriage as spry as a kitten, and both on us run up the steps that open out of Maiden Lane, to git rid of a hull swad of office-holders that was a hurraing at the front door in Broadway.

The President he took off his hat, and slicked down his hair a leetle in the entry-way, and I pulled up my dickey a trifle, and hauled out a corner of my yaller hankercher, and sez I—

"Captin, go ahead, I'm all ready."

We went right intu the harnsomest room that I ever sot eyes on in my hull life. Nothing that I ever see at the Astor House was a primin to it. The carpeting was all finefied off, and curlecued with posies, and green leaves, and morning-glory vines went a twistifying all over it as nat'ral as life, and all on 'em seemed kinder tangled up and trying to unsnarl all over the floor, till it raly seemed like treading on a patch of wild posies, with the moonshine a streamin over it; you would a'most smell the roses when a feller sot his foot on a bunch on 'em, they were pictered out so nat'ral and temptin.

The President, he sidled off to one of the cushioned benches, and sot down right in a swad of the harnsomest of the gals that sot in the room. They squeezed together tu make room for him, and larfed so good natered, and looked all in a twitter they was so tickled tu git him among 'em; and there I was, eenamost alone, a standin up parpindicular, and a feelin as streaked as a pair of old cotton trousers in washing time. That pesky harnsome critter that wore the checkered frock aboard the boat, she got nigh agin the door, so when she see me a standin there, she pinted with that leetle white hand of her'n, and sez she—

"Why don't you take a seat, Mr. Slick?"

"Wal," sez I, a bowin, "I don't care if I du, jest to oblige you;" so down I sot, but the cushion give so, that I sprung right up on eend agin, and when I see it rise up as shiney and smooth as ever, I looked at her, and sez I—

"Did you ever!"

"It's elastic," sez she, a puckering up her mouth.

"I don't know the name on it," sez I, "but it gives like an old friend, so I'll try it agin."

"These cushions are very beautiful and pleasant," sez she.

"Yes," sez I, a spreadin my hankercher over the cushion and a settin down, "they're as soft and blue as them tarnal sweet eyes of your'n, but not half so bright."

She kinder larfed a leetle cozy, and begun tu play with a tossel that hung to a corner of her seat, and then she went to talkin with the fat woman that sot t'other side, like all possessed—the darned tanterlizin varmint.

The President he was as chipper as a blackbird, with the gals around him a smiling and a twitterin as tickled as so many trout round a bait. It raly made my dander rise tu see it, and me a settin there as lonesome as git out. There, jest afore me on the wall, was great smashin pictur,—a rale pen of gold, with a man and a woman a huggin and kissin, and a lookin into each other's eyes, right in the middle on it,—as if there wasn't enough rale live temptin critters to rile a feller up without tanterlizin him with picturs tu.

I say, par, did you ever see a checkered adder a charmin a bird, with his head stuck up in the sun, and kinder slanted a one side,—his mouth wide open, and that are leetle forked tongue a tremblin in the middle on it, as if it was sot to dancin by that lazy hum, hum, hum, that comes etarnally a bilin up from the pison critter's throat? Haint you never observed the purty bird, half scared tu death, and yit a flutterin closer and closer to the varmint, till by-am-by, she lights right in his jaw, and lies a twitterin there while he's a swallerin it hull? Wal, par, jest take away the pison, and you've some idee how I and old bell-crown come the soft sodder round that gal; but I didn't want to git her to hankering arter me tu much, for nothin on arth is so likely to cure a chap of a love-sick fit, as to see the gal a gittin tu strong a notion arter him; so I gin my fingers another snap, to change the tune, and tapered of into Old Hundred with a touch of Greenbank, and that froze her down, eyes, feet and all, in less than no time.

The Theatre was chuck full of folks, and the minit we went in, the hull bilin on 'em got up and begun to fling their hats about and yell agin like all possessed. I tell you what, par, these ere Yorkers are nigh about tickled tu death to think that I've cum back agin. The President and I, we both got up and laid our hands aginst our vest pockets on the left side, and then we begun tu grin like two whipporwills in a black alder bush, and sot tu bowin and rollin up our eyes, till they went at it a consarned sight more fearce than ever. Arter they begun to cool down a trifle, the President and I, we sot down on one of the front benches; so I jest gin the harnsome gal a wink to set down close tu t'other side, and then the hull on 'em begun tu pile in, till we cut about as harnsome a dash as a'most anybody need tu see.

The mayor, he was a goin tu set down by the President, but when he see me, of course he gin away, and sot on t'other seat.

Jest then the curtain cum down ca-chunk, and the folks all riz and gin me three cheers that made the blood bile in my heart like maple sap in a sugar kittle. Then a leetle, lank, office-seekin chap sticks hisself up in the back seats, and yelled out, "Three cheers for the President."

But lord a marcy, cheers aint to be hauled out of a crowd of free-born citizens like fish from a mill pond. Two or three mean looking shotes like him squealed out "Hurra!" but that bait wasn't temptin enough for known fish. I didn't want to make the President feel bad, nor jealous, nor nothin, so I jest gin old bell-crown a whirl, and hollered out, "Three cheers for my friend, the captin."

Gaury, didn't they let into it then! the ruff with all its picturs and curlecues seemed a liftin right up from the walls, hats and hankerchers streamed out; and sich a blast of human thunder aint heerd every night at the Park Theatre.

"That'll du," sez I, a sinkin old bell-crown, and letting myself off in a bow like an iled jack-knife. "That'll du. Now, captin, I guess we'd better go hum."

"But I've got to go to the Chatham Theatre yit," sez the President, a takin up his hat. "The Democracy, the Democracy, you know, Mr. Slick, that must be our fust consideration."

"You aint a goin, Mr. Slick?" sez the harnsome gal, a lookin with them two eyes right into mine, and a clinchin them ere white fingers over the edge of old bell crown.

"I ruther guess not," sez I, a droppin my yaller hankercher over that pesky white hand, for it looked so temptin that I was afeard the President would want to git hold on it, and somehow a President al'ers does purty much as he's a mind to with the gals, except now and then one that's got a right idee of her place.

"Wal," sez I, "captin, if you're detarmined to tackle in with that arnimal that you jest mentioned, make up your mind to cut your own fodder. I go for human natur in gineral—the best part of natur I take to be the wimmen folks—so, if you'd jest as lives, I'll stay and go hum with the gals."

With that, Captin Tyler and the mayor, and the chaps with the silk rosies went off; but Robert Tyler and I jest hitched ontu the wimmen critters, and took them hum to the Howard Hotel. The landlord, he sent us some drink that was enough to make your eyes water, besides a great dish of pine-apples sliced up, sugared off and with wine poured all over 'em, that he sot right under the glass dish full of fire, where they lay yaller and shiny enough to tempt a tee-totaler to break his pledge. The wimmen they all drawed up round the table, and while they were laying into the eatables and drinkables, I jest sidled round to the harnsome gal and took one of marm's doughnuts out of my pocket, and I slid it into her hand. I gin her a wink, and, sez I,

"Keep dark, I don't want tu be mean, nor nothin; I haint got enough to go all round."

She was so tickled that she turned red all over, and eenamost larfed out; but she took the hint and rolled the doughnut up in her hankercher, not to make the rest jealous.

Jest then, I slipped out and run down tu the sloop, for I felt a dry agin, and them pine-apples made me feel sort of womble-cropped about the stomach.

Your dutiful son,

Jonathan Slick.