A QUARTER to eleven had struck when I made my first appearance on board the London. All had turned in and were asleep, and the lights were out in the chief cabin. The night watch showed me my berth, which I could feel, but not see; so I crept into it half undressed, the best way I could, and in a few minutes, from the fatigues of the day, I fell into a deep slumber. This lasted for several hours; and I was at last aroused by several persevering rats, who tried, at the risk of their lives, to pull a piece of Sardinian biscuit out of my great-coat pocket. This I had obtained on board the Carlo Alberto as a sample.

The presence of such unwelcome visitors made me spring quickly out of my slice of a bed, which is very judiciously called cabin-berth; and, as I found it too small for one, I had a great objection to extra lodgers. I therefore stood upon the offensive and the defensive, which caused my assailants to flee in the greatest confusion, and with such celerity that I was unable to make any of them prisoners. Relying upon the effects of their defeat, fatigue enticed me to try another dose of sleep, when all at once, with the perseverance of Zouaves, the rats returned to the assault, and running over my face, made me capitulate immediately, and leave them in possession of my nautical bedchamber. I spent the remainder of the night uncomfortably enough upon the narrow cabin benches, falling now and then on the floor by way of variation. The light at last began to peep through the cabin windows, and I could look after my garments, which I at once rescued from the teeth of my enemies, the Zouave rats. Not a morsel of the biscuit was left; they had gnawed two large holes in a new great-coat, no doubt to save the buttons, which they had not swallowed, but very nearly nibbled off. When I was dressed, I rushed upon deck, and began to breathe freely. The sun shone, and the morning gave promise of a fine day. At eight we had breakfast, and I related my night’s sport to the captain, Mr. Bracebridge, and others. Every one laughed heartily at my tribulation, which was poor consolation for such a victim as I had been.

On inquiring about Miss Nightingale, I learnt from Mr. Bracebridge that she had come on board late in the evening. I remarked that it was very imprudent of her remaining so late out in such bad weather; and I told Mr. Bracebridge that he ought to prevent it, as she was sure to be taken ill. “So I told her,” Mr. Bracebridge replied, “but she says it will not be for long—only till the sisters are installed; then she will be able to come home sooner. You were highly honoured yesterday, Monsieur Soyer; how you seemed to amuse Lord Raglan and Omer Pacha!”

“Yes, indeed, his lordship is very lively and jocular.”

Having explained all that took place, I asked him where he went after leaving us.

“As I did not see Miss Nightingale return from the Genoese heights, I went in search of her. By-the-bye, are you going with us?”

“Going where?”

“Why, to Leander Bay, to visit the sailors’ new hospital.”

“Of course I am,” I replied. “The present Admiral (Lushington), Captain Hamilton, Doctors Smart and Sutherland will accompany Miss Nightingale.”

The Doctor of the Diamond called for us in his boat, and beneath a glowing sun, on a fine spring day, we crossed the busy harbour. The Sardinian man-of-war was the greatest attraction. The band played a fine march and some original melodies, which enlivened our short trip. All the shipping had hoisted their flags, and other vessels were seen in the offing, conveying the remainder of the Sardinian army.

While we were crossing, Miss Nightingale inquired about my doings of the previous day, which I carefully related to her, dwelling particularly upon the kind reception I had received from Lord Raglan and Omer Pacha, and the willingness of the former to assist me in my undertaking.

“I am very glad to hear it,” said Miss Nightingale; “but, for all that, you will have innumerable difficulties to contend with. Not a man is at work at your kitchen. They say they have no more planks, and all do just as they please. The engineering department is over-burdened with work. For my part, I can get nothing done, nor can the Purveyor-in-chief. I don’t blame any one; but if delays of this kind occur for such trifles, what will it be for so important an affair as your general and extra-diet kitchens?”

“You are right, and I thank you for the hint. Upon our return, I will go and see Captain King.”

We had then arrived in Leander Bay. I pointed out the spot at which the poor victims of the wreck of the Prince were buried—the sight of which made a singular impression upon every member of the party, especially when I told them the number which lay there. There was scarcely any earth over them; and the workmen told us the stench from the bodies was so dreadful, they were often compelled to leave their work in consequence. Another said we did not perceive it because the wind was in another direction. Mr. Bracebridge took note of this, in order to mention the matter to Dr. Sutherland, who knew nothing of it at the time. On reaching the green mountain, at the top of which is situated the new Naval Hospital, we were greeted by the sight of a complete garden of wild flowers, vines, and aromatic plants. This repaid us for the dismal scene below. Several French soldiers were picking the flowers, and gathering salad and wild sorrel.

At the hospital we met Dr. Sutherland and Mr. Anderson, who had not recovered from the effect of his accident, and still had a pair of black eyes. The Commander had been waiting some time for us, and was on the point of retiring, when our arrival induced him to change his intention. We visited the hospital, which, though a small one, was delightfully situated. The huts were built on a new principle, with a new style of ventilation. The kitchen had then only just been commenced. I gave the sailor cook, a Maltese, who seemed very intelligent, a few hints, and promised to send the doctor a plan, and to give him my hospital receipts. The latter I had been expecting for some time from Constantinople; but they had been lost, and I was obliged to have them reprinted. The plan, however, I sent. It was adopted, and, upon my second visit, everything was going on very satisfactorily.

We then separated into groups, and enjoyed a delightful ramble over the rocks and mountains, herborising for a couple of hours. When we again reunited, we all had enormous bouquets of flowers, collected in honour of our fair lady, who could not help laughing at the appearance of her beaux and their bouquets. Only one was accepted, and the fortunate candidate was our worthy friend the invalid, Mr. Anderson. We carried our botanical harvest home, and descended the hill full of health and spirits. Even the cannon of Sebastopol was silent, at least to our ears, the wind being the wrong way for the report to reach us. In a few minutes we were once more afloat, and were about conducting Miss Nightingale on board, when she said that she wished to go to the General Hospital; so Captain Hamilton landed us as near to it as possible. We then separated—Dr. Smart and Mr. Anderson inviting me to go and see them often, as they had much to inform me of relating to the food of the army.

Dr. Smart accompanied Miss Nightingale to the hospital, and I went to find Captain King; but he had gone to the Sanatorium—at least so they told me at his office. I went up there, being anxious to have this kitchen completed, as it was really much wanted. The hospital was getting fuller every day, and I had a great desire to commence operations at the camp. The Captain was not there, nor could I find a single workman. To my great sorrow, I met Miss Nightingale coming down the hill, attended by a nurse or two, and the page-boy. She was walking through the mud in thin boots. The weather had entirely changed, and a heavy rain was falling. Upon meeting her, I could not refrain from expressing my fear that she would catch cold. She had been to ask the nurse at Dr. Henderson’s how the officer patient was. Upon reaching the harbour, we took a Maltese boat, and arrived on board the London almost wet through.

A different cabin to the one I had occupied the night before was allotted to me. All the rat-holes had been stopped, and by special favour I was allowed a night-lamp. I had the pleasure of seeing the rats run about, which afforded me the opportunity of hunting them at my ease. I then perceived that several escaped through the bull’s-eye, which I immediately closed, and so captured three. I then commenced killing them with a stick, and in so doing made noise enough to arouse everybody. Some of the crew came to see what was the matter, while the Captain, who was half asleep, and rather deaf, told the mate to send for the police and turn the drunken man out.

Having explained to the first mate the cause of my nocturnal disturbance, he told me that they were sure to come in at the bull’s-eye, if left open, that being the easiest way for them when in harbour. “And,” said he, “they travel that way from one ship to another in bands of ten or twenty at a time.” He then showed me how to close and fasten the bull’s-eye, after which he retired to his berth. All at once, one of the brutes, which had remained concealed, in attempting to escape upset the lamp upon the floor and extinguished it, and thus compelled me for the second time to seek to repose upon the hard and unsophisticated cabin bench, when the Captain made his appearance rather in a state of nÉgligÉ, holding, a rushlight in one hand and a sword in the other, with a nightcap tied round with a red riband upon his head. In great anxiety, he inquired what the row was about.

“The row, Captain,” said I, “is nothing. It’s only the bull’s-eye in my cabin, which being half open, the rats have got in again.”

“What do you say, Monsieur Soyer?”

“Nothing,” again I shouted.

“Call that nothing? I never had such a row in my ship before. Bless my soul,” said he, “what a nuisance those rats are! They make quite as free in my cabin; but, being used to it, I do not care so much about them. The worst of it is that we can never keep a bit of cheese or a candle; they eat them up as fast as I buy them.”

“It is certainly very provoking, Captain; but why not try and catch them?”

“Oh, bless you, we have tried everything—poison, traps, broken glass. We caught a few, but I would give the world to have them all caught.”

“I can give you a receipt which will enable you to have them almost all caught in a few days.”

“The deuce you could!” said he, coming and sitting opposite to me. “Tell me how it is done—I shall be so much obliged to you; but I must go and put something on first, I am so cold.” As he said this, I perceived that the skylight over his head was open.

“Oh, never mind that; it won’t take two minutes to tell you—listen to me.”

“So I will,” he said.

“The place where you keep your cheese would be the very spot to make the trial. The thing is quite easy. Have your cheese and candles removed.”

“So I will; but I wish you would let me put a coat on—I am getting so very cold.”

“Never mind about that; I shall not keep you a minute—listen to me.”

“So I will.”

“When the cabin is perfectly empty, have it cleaned and well scrubbed.”

“That will be done.”

“When it is dry, take half a pound of good Cheshire cheese, scrape it fine, and mix it with about two pounds of rough bread-crumbs.”

“Yes, I will.”

“Perhaps you think it is a pity to give them half a pound of good cheese.”

“Not at all, because the vermin eat pounds of it daily.”

“Mix both well together.”

“Yes, I understand—and make them into balls.”

“No, not at all—only spread the lot upon the floor, leave the door and window open, and go to bed. Of course they will come and eat.”

“I should say they would,” he observed.

“The next evening do the same, cutting the cheese a trifle larger. They will come again and eat it.”

“What next?” said he.

“The third night, leave the doors and windows open; go to bed as usual, and put nothing at all in the cabin.”

“What then?” he asked again, in a state of anxiety.

“Why, of course, when they come and find nothing to eat, and being in still greater numbers than the two previous nights, they will be all caught.”

“How,” said he, “will they be all caught?”

“Why, of course, finding nothing to eat, they will be all taken in.”

“That be d——d! I have made a nice fool of myself, standing here half naked to listen to such rubbish as that.”

Having said this, he ran into his cabin, and for a long while I heard him sneezing and muttering to himself. The word “fool” was all that I could catch; and soon after all was silent till daybreak.

On waking, I at first regretted having carried the joke so far, when all at once I heard the good captain burst out laughing and sneezing. The first visit I had in the morning, while shaving in my cabin, was from the captain. As it was then only six o’clock, I made sure he was coming to challenge me, and began to think of choosing my favourite weapons, which I had so successfully employed on a similar occasion in London, after a serious discussion with a red republican on the subject of monarchy.

One afternoon, at a French restaurant in the Haymarket, a rather animated discussion, apropos of the new republic of the year ‘48, took place between myself and a person whom I afterwards ascertained to be the duellist Cournet, an officer in the French navy, who has already been mentioned in the earlier pages of this work.

My entire disapproval of the conduct of the friends of liberty, as shown by their wanton destruction of everything, both useful and ornamental, even to the court breeches and white inexpressibles of the National Guard (which were exposed to dry at every window of the Palace of the Tuileries, thus giving to that noble building somewhat the appearance of Rag Fair), was so strongly expressed, that Cournet, “taking umbrage thereat,” after calling me a monarchist and an enemy to liberty, insisted upon my meeting him the next morning, to give him the satisfaction due from one gentleman to another.

I replied to his challenge by desiring that the matter should be settled at once.

He answered, in a haughty tone, “Comme vous voudrez, monsieur. C’est À vous le choix des armes. Nous tirerons ce que vous voudrez!”

“Eh, bien,” said I, “puisque c’est À moi le choix des armes, sortons À l’instant mÊme, monsieur, et nous allons nous tirer les cheveux.”

“As you please, sir. The choice of weapons is yours.”

“In that case, I suppose we must pull triggers for it.”

“Sir,” replied he, “we will pull any mortal thing you please.”

“Good,” said I; “then we will at once proceed to pull each other’s hair.”

The roar of laughter which followed this sally somewhat calmed the ire of this rabid and irascible duellist, more especially when he was informed who I was, and that my province was to make people live well, and not die badly.

The Captain, however, entered with a smile on his countenance, and looked altogether pleased. He begged of me to say nothing about it, as the crew would laugh at him, and it was necessary on board ship to be very severe. Moreover, he declared that he wished to catch some of his brother captains, who, like him, were very much pestered with rats.

As I was extremely anxious to see Captain King respecting the slow progress of the kitchen, I started about seven o’clock, expecting to find him at home. After a long and disagreeable mountainous walk, I arrived too late. “But,” said his man, “you will very likely meet him at his office about nine o’clock, or else at the Sanatorium or head-quarters, or at Kadikoi, as he told me he was going to those places.”

“I suppose I have a chance of finding him anywhere, except at Sebastopol,” I replied.

More fortunate than on former occasions, I met the captain on horseback going to his office. We mounted the tumble-down rotten wooden staircase of this late palazzo, now converted into one of the principal and most important departments in the British army in the Crimea—viz., the office of the chief engineer. The large room which was dedicated to the captain would hold, at a pinch, seven or eight people of a very moderate size standing; the second about five; and the third none, being filled with plans, models, and drawings.

Such was the castle of a king in Balaklava; and I have seen from thirty to forty people waiting in the mud to have an interview with his Majesty, who, I must confess, received his loyal subjects with a most humorous and happy countenance, having always a smile for a friend and kind words for everybody. When we got in, I immediately locked the door, informing him that he, the king, was my prisoner for at least ten minutes, as that was all the time I should require. We went earnestly to business. I submitted my various plans, and requested him to have the Sanatorium kitchen finished. To this he agreed, promising to do all he could for me, at the same time observing they were short of materials and good workmen.

I then set the captain and king at liberty.

I next went to see Commissary Filder, being anxious to fix a time for inspecting the provisions in general use.