********************************************************************** This is our 3rd edition of most of these plays. See the index. Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! Please take a look at the important information in this header. We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. **Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** *These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* All's Well, that Ends Well by William Shakespeare July, 2000 [Etext #2246] ***** We are now trying to release all our books one month in advance of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. 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[2] Honor the etext refund and replacement provisions of this "Small Print!" statement. *END*THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* Executive Director's Notes: In addition to the notes below, and so you will *NOT* think all the spelling errors introduced by the printers of the time have been corrected, here are the first few lines of Hamlet, as they are presented herein: Barnardo. Who's there? Bar. Long liue the King *** As I understand it, the printers often ran out of certain words or letters they had often packed into a "cliche". . .this is the original meaning of the term cliche. . .and thus, being unwilling to unpack the cliches, and thus you will see some substitutions that look very odd. . .such as the exchanges of u for v, v for u, above. . .and you may wonder why they did it this way, presuming Shakespeare did not actually write the play in this manner. . . . The answer is that they MAY have packed "liue" into a cliche at a time when they were out of "v"'s. . .possibly having used "vv" in place of some "w"'s, etc. This was a common practice of the day, as print was still quite expensive, and they didn't want to spend more on a wider selection of characters than they had to. You will find a lot of these kinds of "errors" in this text, as I have mentioned in other times and places, many "scholars" have an extreme attachment to these errors, and many have accorded them a very high place in the "canon" of Shakespeare. My father read an assortment of these made available to him by Cambridge University in England for several months in a glass room constructed for the purpose. To the best of my knowledge he read ALL those available . . .in great detail. . .and determined from the various changes, that Shakespeare most likely did not write in nearly as many of a variety of errors we credit him for, even though he was in/famous for signing his name with several different spellings. So, please take this into account when reading the comments below made by our volunteer who prepared this file: you may see errors that are "not" errors. . . . *** Scanner's Notes: What this is and isn't. This was taken from a copy of Shakespeare's first folio and it is as close as I can come in ASCII to the printed text. The elongated S's have been changed to small s's and the conjoined ae have been changed to ae. I have left the spelling, punctuation, capitalization as close as possible to the printed text. I have corrected some spelling mistakes (I have put together a spelling dictionary devised from the spellings of the Geneva Bible and Shakespeare's First Folio and have unified spellings according to this template), typo's and expanded abbreviations as I have come across them. Everything within brackets [] is what I have added. So if you don't like that you can delete everything within the brackets if you want a purer Shakespeare. Another thing that you should be aware of is that there are textual differences between various copies of the first folio. So there may be differences (other than what I have mentioned above) between this and other first folio editions. This is due to the printer's habit of setting the type and running off a number of copies and then proofing the printed copy and correcting the type and then continuing the printing run. The proof run wasn't thrown away but incorporated into the printed copies. This is just the way it is. The text I have used was a composite of more than 30 different First Folio editions' best pages. If you find any scanning errors, out and out typos, punctuation errors, or if you disagree with my spelling choices please feel free to email me those errors. I wish to make this the best etext possible. My email address for right now are haradda@aol.com and davidr@inconnect.com. I hope that you enjoy this. David Reed All's Well, that Ends Well Actus primus. Scoena Prima. Enter yong Bertram Count of Rossillion, his Mother, and Helena, Mother. In deliuering my sonne from me, I burie a second Ros. And I in going Madam, weep ore my fathers death anew; but I must attend his maiesties command, to whom I am now in Ward, euermore in subiection Laf. You shall find of the King a husband Madame, you sir a father. He that so generally is at all times good, must of necessitie hold his vertue to you, whose worthinesse would stirre it vp where it wanted rather then lack it where there is such abundance Mo. What hope is there of his Maiesties amendment? Laf. He hath abandon'd his Phisitions Madam, vnder whose practises he hath persecuted time with hope, and finds no other aduantage in the processe, but onely the loosing of hope by time Mo. This yong Gentlewoman had a father, O that had, how sad a passage tis, whose skill was almost as great as his honestie, had it stretch'd so far, would haue made nature immortall, and death should haue play for lacke of worke. Would for the Kings sake hee were liuing, I thinke it would be the death of the Kings disease Laf. How call'd you the man you speake of Madam? Laf. He was excellent indeed Madam, the King very latelie spoke of him admiringly, and mourningly: hee was skilfull enough to haue liu'd stil, if knowledge could be set vp against mortallitie Ros. What is it (my good Lord) the King languishes Ros. I heard not of it before Laf. I would it were not notorious. Was this Gentlewoman the Daughter of Gerard de Narbon? Mo. His sole childe my Lord, and bequeathed to my ouer looking. I haue those hopes of her good, that her education promises her dispositions shee inherits, which makes faire gifts fairer: for where an vncleane mind carries vertuous qualities, there commendations go with pitty, they are vertues and traitors too: in her they are the better for their simplenesse; she deriues her honestie, and atcheeues her goodnesse Lafew. Your commendations Madam get from her teares Mo. 'Tis the best brine a Maiden can season her praise in. The remembrance of her father neuer approches her heart, but the tirrany of her sorrowes takes all liuelihood from her cheeke. No more of this Helena, go too, no more least it be rather thought you affect a sorrow, then to haue- Hell. I doe affect a sorrow indeed, but I haue it too Laf. Moderate lamentation is the right of the dead, Mo. If the liuing be enemie to the greefe, the excesse Ros. Maddam I desire your holie wishes Laf. How vnderstand we that? Laf. He cannot want the best Mo. Heauen blesse him: Farwell Bertram Ro. The best wishes that can be forg'd in your thoghts be seruants to you: be comfortable to my mother, your Mistris, and make much of her Laf. Farewell prettie Lady, you must hold the credit Hell. O were that all, I thinke not on my father, One that goes with him: I loue him for his sake, Par. Saue you faire Queene Hel. And you Monarch Par. No Hel. And no Par. Are you meditating on virginitie? Hel. But he assailes, and our virginitie though valiant, in the defence yet is weak: vnfold to vs some war-like resistance Par. There is none: Man setting downe before you, will vndermine you, and blow you vp Hel. Blesse our poore Virginity from vnderminers and blowers vp. Is there no Military policy how Virgins might blow vp men? Par. Virginity beeing blowne downe, Man will quicklier be blowne vp: marry in blowing him downe againe, with the breach your selues made, you lose your Citty. It is not politicke, in the Common-wealth of Nature, to preserue virginity. Losse of Virginitie, is rationall encrease, and there was neuer Virgin goe, till virginitie was first lost. That you were made of, is mettall to make Virgins. Virginitie, by beeing once lost, may be ten times found: by being euer kept, it is euer lost: 'tis too cold a companion: Away with't Hel. I will stand for't a little, though therefore I die a Virgin Par. There's little can bee saide in't, 'tis against the rule of Nature. To speake on the part of virginitie, is to accuse your Mothers; which is most infallible disobedience. He that hangs himselfe is a Virgin: Virginitie murthers it selfe, and should be buried in highwayes out of all sanctified limit, as a desperate Offendresse against Nature. Virginitie breedes mites, much like a Cheese, consumes it selfe to the very payring, and so dies with feeding his owne stomacke. Besides, Virginitie is peeuish, proud, ydle, made of selfe-loue, which is the most inhibited sinne in the Cannon. Keepe it not, you cannot choose but loose by't. Out with't: within ten yeare it will make it selfe two, which is a goodly increase, and the principall it selfe not much the worse. Away with't Hel. How might one do sir, to loose it to her owne liking? Par. Let mee see. Marry ill, to like him that ne're it likes. 'Tis a commodity wil lose the glosse with lying: The longer kept, the lesse worth: Off with't while 'tis vendible. Answer the time of request, Virginitie like an olde Courtier, weares her cap out of fashion, richly suted, but vnsuteable, iust like the brooch & the tooth-pick, which were not now: your Date is better in your Pye and your Porredge, then in your cheeke: and your virginity, your old virginity, is like one of our French wither'd peares, it lookes ill, it eates drily, marry 'tis a wither'd peare: it was formerly better, marry yet 'tis a wither'd peare: Will you any thing with it? Hel. Not my virginity yet: There shall your Master haue a thousand loues, A Mother, and a Mistresse, and a friend, A Phenix, Captaine, and an enemy, A guide, a Goddesse, and a Soueraigne, A Counsellor, a Traitoresse, and a Deare: His humble ambition, proud humility: His iarring, concord: and his discord, dulcet: His faith, his sweet disaster: with a world Of pretty fond adoptious christendomes That blinking Cupid gossips. Now shall he: I know not what he shall, God send him well, The Courts a learning place, and he is one Par. What one ifaith? Par. What's pitty? Pag. Monsieur Parrolles, Par. Little Hellen farewell, if I can remember thee, I Hel. Monsieur Parolles, you were borne vnder a Par. Vnder Mars I Hel. I especially thinke, vnder Mars Par. Why vnder Mars? Par. When he was predominant Hel. When he was retrograde I thinke rather Par. Why thinke you so? Par. That's for aduantage Hel. So is running away, When feare proposes the safetie: But the composition that your valour and feare makes in you, is a vertue of a good wing, and I like the weare well Paroll. I am so full of businesses, I cannot answere thee acutely: I will returne perfect Courtier, in the which my instruction shall serue to naturalize thee, so thou wilt be capeable of a Courtiers councell, and vnderstand what aduice shall thrust vppon thee, else thou diest in thine vnthankfulnes, and thine ignorance makes thee away, farewell: When thou hast leysure, say thy praiers: when thou hast none, remember thy Friends: Get thee a good husband, and vse him as he vses thee: So farewell Hel. Our remedies oft in our selues do lye, Exit Flourish Cornets. Enter the King of France with Letters, and diuers King. The Florentines and Senoys are by th' eares, 1.Lo.G. So tis reported sir King. Nay tis most credible, we heere receiue it, 1.Lo.G. His loue and wisedome Approu'd so to your Maiesty, may pleade For amplest credence King. He hath arm'd our answer, 2.Lo.E. It well may serue A nursserie to our Gentrie, who are sicke For breathing, and exploit King. What's he comes heere. 1.Lor.G. It is the Count Rosignoll my good Lord, King. Youth, thou bear'st thy Fathers face, Ber. My thankes and dutie are your Maiesties Kin. I would I had that corporall soundnesse now, Ber. His good remembrance sir King. Would I were with him he would alwaies say, 2.L.E. You'r loued Sir, Kin. I fill a place I know't: how long ist Count Ber. Some six moneths since my Lord Kin. If he were liuing, I would try him yet. Ber. Thanke your Maiesty. Exit Flourish. Enter Countesse, Steward, and Clowne. Coun. I will now heare, what say you of this gentlewoman Ste. Maddam the care I haue had to euen your content, I wish might be found in the Kalender of my past endeuours, for then we wound our Modestie, and make foule the clearnesse of our deseruings, when of our selues we publish them Coun. What doe's this knaue heere? Get you gone sirra: the complaints I haue heard of you I do not all beleeue, 'tis my slownesse that I doe not: For I know you lacke not folly to commit them, & haue abilitie enough to make such knaueries yours Clo. 'Tis not vnknown to you Madam, I am a poore fellow Coun. Well sir Clo. No maddam, 'Tis not so well that I am poore, though manie of the rich are damn'd, but if I may haue your Ladiships good will to goe to the world, Isbell the woman and I will doe as we may Coun. Wilt thou needes be a begger? Cou. In what case? Cou. Tell me thy reason why thou wilt marrie? Cou. Is this all your worships reason? Cou. May the world know them? Cou. Thy marriage sooner then thy wickednesse Clo. I am out a friends Madam, and I hope to haue friends for my wiues sake Cou. Such friends are thine enemies knaue Clo. Y'are shallow Madam in great friends, for the knaues come to doe that for me which I am a wearie of: he that eres my Land, spares my teame, and giues mee leaue to Inne the crop: if I be his cuckold hee's my drudge; he that comforts my wife, is the cherisher of my flesh and blood; hee that cherishes my flesh and blood, loues my flesh and blood; he that loues my flesh and blood is my friend: ergo, he that kisses my wife is my friend: if men could be contented to be what they are, there were no feare in marriage, for yong Charbon the Puritan, and old Poysam the Papist, how somere their hearts are seuer'd in Religion, their heads are both one, they may ioule horns together like any Deare i'th Herd Cou. Wilt thou euer be a foule mouth'd and calumnious knaue? Clo. A Prophet I Madam, and I speake the truth the next waie, for I the Ballad will repeate, which men full true shall finde, your marriage comes by destinie, your Cuckow sings by kinde Cou. Get you gone sir, Ile talke with you more anon Stew. May it please you Madam, that hee bid Hellen Cou. Sirra tell my gentlewoman I would speake with Clo. Was this faire face the cause, quoth she, bis And gaue this sentence then, among nine bad if one be good, among nine bad if one be good, there's yet one good in ten Cou. What, one good in tenne? you corrupt the song sirra Clo. One good woman in ten Madam, which is a purifying ath' song: would God would serue the world so all the yeere, weed finde no fault with the tithe woman if I were the Parson, one in ten quoth a? and wee might haue a good woman borne but ore euerie blazing starre, or at an earthquake, 'twould mend the Lotterie well, a man may draw his heart out ere a plucke one Cou. Youle begone sir knaue, and doe as I command you? Clo. That man should be at womans command, and yet no hurt done, though honestie be no Puritan, yet it will doe no hurt, it will weare the Surplis of humilitie ouer the blacke-Gowne of a bigge heart: I am going forsooth, the businesse is for Helen to come hither. Enter. Cou. Well now Stew. I know Madam you loue your Gentlewoman intirely Cou. Faith I doe: her Father bequeath'd her to mee, and she her selfe without other aduantage, may lawfullie make title to as much loue as shee findes, there is more owing her then is paid, and more shall be paid her then sheele demand Stew. Madam, I was verie late more neere her then I thinke shee wisht mee, alone shee was, and did communicate to her selfe her owne words to her owne eares, shee thought, I dare vowe for her, they toucht not anie stranger sence, her matter was, shee loued your Sonne; Fortune shee said was no goddesse, that had put such difference betwixt their two estates: Loue no god, that would not extend his might onelie, where qualities were leuell, Queene of Virgins, that would suffer her poore Knight surpris'd without rescue in the first assault or ransome afterward: This shee deliuer'd in the most bitter touch of sorrow that ere I heard Virgin exclaime in, which I held my dutie speedily to acquaint you withall, sithence in the losse that may happen, it concernes you something to know it Cou. You haue discharg'd this honestlie, keepe it to your selfe, manie likelihoods inform'd mee of this before, which hung so tottring in the ballance, that I could neither beleeue nor misdoubt: praie you leaue mee, stall this in your bosome, and I thanke you for your honest care: I will speake with you further anon. Exit Steward. Enter Hellen. Old.Cou. Euen so it was with me when I was yong: Hell. What is your pleasure Madam? Hell. Mine honorable Mistris Ol.Cou. Nay a mother, why not a mother? when I Old.Cou. I say I am your Mother Hell. Pardon Madam. Ol.Cou. Nor I your Mother Hell. You are my mother Madam, would you were Old.Cou. Yes Hellen, you might be my daughter in law, Hell. Good Madam pardon me Cou. Do you loue my Sonne? Cou. Loue you my Sonne? Hell. Then I confesse Cou. Had you not lately an intent, speake truely, Cou. Wherefore? tell true Hell. I will tell truth, by grace it selfe I sweare: For generall soueraigntie: and that he wil'd me Cou. This was your motiue for Paris, was it, speake? Cou. But thinke you Hellen, Hell. There's something in't Cou. Doo'st thou beleeue't? Cou. Why Hellen thou shalt haue my leaue and loue, Exeunt. Actus Secundus. Enter the King with diuers yong Lords, taking leaue for the Florentine warre: Count, Rosse, and Parrolles. Florish Cornets. King. Farewell yong Lords, these warlike principles Lord.G. 'Tis our hope sir, King. No, no, it cannot be; and yet my heart L.G. Health at your bidding serue your Maiesty King. Those girles of Italy, take heed of them, Bo. Our hearts receiue your warnings King. Farewell, come hether to me 1.Lo.G. Oh my sweet Lord y you wil stay behind vs Parr. 'Tis not his fault the spark 2.Lo.E. Oh 'tis braue warres Parr. Most admirable, I haue seene those warres Rossill. I am commanded here, and kept a coyle with, Parr. And thy minde stand too't boy, Rossill. I shal stay here the for-horse to a smocke, 1.Lo.G. There's honour in the theft Parr. Commit it Count 2.Lo.E. I am your accessary, and so farewell Ros. I grow to you, & our parting is a tortur'd body 1.Lo.G. Farewell Captaine 2.Lo.E. Sweet Mounsier Parolles Parr. Noble Heroes; my sword and yours are kinne, good sparkes and lustrous, a word good mettals. You shall finde in the Regiment of the Spinij, one Captaine Spurio his sicatrice, with an Embleme of warre heere on his sinister cheeke; it was this very sword entrench'd it: say to him I liue, and obserue his reports for me Lo.G. We shall noble Captaine Parr. Mars doate on you for his nouices, what will Parr. Vse a more spacious ceremonie to the Noble Lords, you haue restrain'd your selfe within the List of too cold an adieu: be more expressiue to them; for they weare themselues in the cap of the time, there do muster true gate; eat, speake, and moue vnder the influence of the most receiu'd starre, and though the deuill leade the measure, such are to be followed: after them, and take a more dilated farewell Ross. And I will doe so Parr. Worthy fellowes, and like to prooue most sinewie sword-men. Exeunt. Enter Lafew. L.Laf. Pardon my Lord for mee and for my tidings King. Ile see thee to stand vp L.Laf. Then heres a man stands that has brought his pardon, King. I would I had, so I had broke thy pate Laf. Goodfaith a-crosse, but my good Lord 'tis thus, Laf. O will you eat no grapes my royall foxe? King. What her is this? King. Now good Lafew, Laf. Nay, Ile fit you, King. Thus he his speciall nothing euer prologues Laf. Nay, come your waies. King. This haste hath wings indeed Laf. Nay, come your waies, King. Now faire one, do's your busines follow vs? King. I knew him Hel. The rather will I spare my praises towards him, King. We thanke you maiden, Hell. My dutie then shall pay me for my paines: King. I cannot giue thee lesse to be cal'd gratefull: Hell. What I can doe, can doe no hurt to try, King. I must not heare thee, fare thee wel kind maide, Hel. Inspired Merit so by breath is bard, King. Art thou so confident? Within what space King. Vpon thy certainty and confidence, Kin. Methinks in thee some blessed spirit doth speak Hel. If I breake time, or flinch in property Kin. Make thy demand Hel. But will you make it euen? Hel. Then shalt thou giue me with thy kingly hand Kin. Heere is my hand, the premises obseru'd, Florish. Exit. Enter Countesse and Clowne. Lady. Come on sir, I shall now put you to the height Clown. I will shew my selfe highly fed, and lowly Lady. To the Court, why what place make you speciall, when you put off that with such contempt, but to the Court? Clo. Truly Madam, if God haue lent a man any manners, hee may easilie put it off at Court: hee that cannot make a legge, put off's cap, kisse his hand, and say nothing, has neither legge, hands, lippe, nor cap; and indeed such a fellow, to say precisely, were not for the Court, but for me, I haue an answere will serue all men Lady. Marry that's a bountifull answere that fits all questions Clo. It is like a Barbers chaire that fits all buttockes, the pin buttocke, the quatch-buttocke, the brawn buttocke, or any buttocke Lady. Will your answere serue fit to all questions? Clo. As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an Atturney, as your French Crowne for your taffety punke, as Tibs rush for Toms fore-finger, as a pancake for Shroue-tuesday, a Morris for May-day, as the naile to his hole, the Cuckold to his horne, as a scolding queane to a wrangling knaue, as the Nuns lip to the Friers mouth, nay as the pudding to his skin Lady. Haue you, I say, an answere of such fitnesse for Lady. It must be an answere of most monstrous size, Clo. But a triflle neither in good faith, if the learned should speake truth of it: heere it is, and all that belongs to't. Aske mee if I am a Courtier, it shall doe you no harme to learne Lady. To be young againe if we could: I will bee a La. I pray you sir, are you a Courtier? La. Sir I am a poore freind of yours, that loues you Clo. O Lord sir, thicke, thicke, spare not me La. I thinke sir, you can eate none of this homely meate Clo. O Lord sir; nay put me too't, I warrant you La. You were lately whipt sir as I thinke Clo. O Lord sir, spare not me La. Doe you crie O Lord sir at your whipping, and spare not me? Indeed your O Lord sir, is very sequent to your whipping: you would answere very well to a whipping if you were but bound too't Clo. I nere had worse lucke in my life in my O Lord La. I play the noble huswife with the time, to entertaine Clo. O Lord sir, why there't serues well agen La. And end sir to your businesse: giue Hellen this, Clo. Not much commendation to them La. Not much imployement for you, you vnderstand me Clo. Most fruitfully, I am there, before my legges La. Hast you agen. Exeunt. Enter Count, Lafew, and Parolles. Ol.Laf. They say miracles are past, and we haue our Philosophicall persons, to make moderne and familiar things supernaturall and causelesse. Hence is it, that we make trifles of terrours, ensconcing our selues into seeming knowledge, when we should submit our selues to an vnknowne feare Par. Why 'tis the rarest argument of wonder, that hath shot out in our latter times Ros. And so 'tis Ol.Laf. To be relinquisht of the Artists Par. So I say both of Galen and Paracelsus Ol.Laf. Of all the learned and authenticke fellowes Par. Right so I say Ol.Laf. That gaue him out incureable Par. Why there 'tis, so say I too Ol.Laf. Not to be help'd Par. Right, as 'twere a man assur'd of a- Par. Iust, you say well: so would I haue said Ol.Laf. I may truly say, it is a noueltie to the world Par. It is indeede if you will haue it in shewing, you Ol.Laf. A shewing of a heauenly effect in an earthly Par. That's it, I would haue said, the verie same Ol.Laf. Why your Dolphin is not lustier: fore mee Par. I, so I say Ol.Laf. In a most weake- Par. I would haue said it, you say well: heere comes Ol.Laf. Lustique, as the Dutchman saies: Ile like a maide the Better whil'st I haue a tooth in my head: why he's able to leade her a Carranto Par. Mor du vinager, is not this Helen? King. Goe call before mee all the Lords in Court, Faire Maide send forth thine eye, this youthfull parcell Hel. To each of you, one faire and vertuous Mistris; Old Laf. I'de giue bay curtall, and his furniture King. Peruse them well: She addresses her to a Lord. Hel. Gentlemen, heauen hath through me, restor'd the king to health All. We vnderstand it, and thanke heauen for you Hel. I am a simple Maide, and therein wealthiest King. Make choise and see, |