  Now that the Presidential elections are over it is hoped that any Irish-Americans who joined the Sinn Fein murder-gang for electioneering purposes will go home again. Owing to pressure on space, due among other things to the American election, the net sale controversy in one of our contemporaries was held over on Wednesday last. We are quite sure that neither Senator Harding nor Mr. Cox was aware of his responsibility in the matter. Lord Howard de Walden says, "I would rather trust a crossing-sweeper with an appreciation of music than a man who comes from a public school." We agree. The former is much more likely to have been a professional musician in his time. The mystery of the Scottish golf club that was recently inundated with applications for membership is now explained. It appears that a caddy refused a tip of sixpence offered him by one of the less affluent members, and the story somehow leaked out. At one Hallowe'en dinner held in London the haggis was ten minutes late. It is said that it had had trouble with a dog on the way and had come off second best. The man who was heard last week to say that he had no idea that Mrs. Asquith had published a book of memoirs has now, on the advice of his friends, consented to see a doctor. The clergy of Grays, in Essex, are advocating the abolition of Sunday funerals. It is said that quite a number of strict Sabbatarians have a rooted objection to being buried on the Sabbath. According to an evening paper hawthorn buds have been plucked at Hornsey. We don't care. A Liberal Independent writes to ask if the Mr. Lloyd George, who has been elected Lord Rector of Edinburgh University, is the well-known Prime Minister of that name. A firm of music publishers have produced what they describe as a three-quarter one-step. It will soon be impossible to go to a dance without being accompanied by a professional arithmetician. It seems that high prices have even put an end to the chicken that used to cross the road. "Only through poverty," says Mr. Maurice Hewlett, "will England thrive." As a result of this statement we understand that several profiteers have decided to get down to it once again. A Japanese arrested at Hull was found to have seven revolvers and two thousand rounds of ammunition on him. It was pointed out to him that the War was over long ago. A contemporary refers to a romance which ended in marriage. Alas! how often this happens. The United States Government has decided to recognise the present Mexican Government. Mexican bandits say they had better take a good look at them while there is yet time. A Prohibitionist asserts that Scotland will be dry in five years. Our own feeling is that these end-of-the-world prognostications should be prohibited by law. An Oxford professor has made himself the subject of a series of experiments on the effects of alcohol. Several college professors of America quite readily admit that they never thought of that one. A correspondent writes to a contemporary to say that he wears a hat exactly like The Daily Mail hat, and that he purchased it long before The Daily Mail was started. The audacity of some people in thinking that anything happened before The Daily Mail started is simply appalling. Three stars have recently been discovered by an American. No, no; not those stars, but stars in the heavens. "Whilst returning to camp one night I walked right into a herd of elephants," states a well-known explorer in his memoirs. We have always maintained that all wild animals above the size of a rabbit should carry two head-lights and one rear-light whilst travelling after dark. A small island was advertised for sale last week. Just the sort of thing for a bad sailor to take with him when crossing the Channel on a rough day. "Everyone knows," a writer in The Daily Mail declares, "that electric light in the poultry-house results in more eggs." There may be more of them but they never have the real actinic taste of the natural egg. An American inventor has devised a scheme for lassoing enemy submarines. This is a decided improvement on the method of just sticking a pin into them as they whizz by. Since the talk of Prohibition in Scotland, we are informed that one concert singer began the chorus of the famous Scottish ballad by singing "O ye'll tak the dry road." 'Well, carry on, dear.' Mrs. Jones. "You'd see in the papers, John, about the agitation in favour of the wife governing the home." Mr. Jones. "Well, carry on, dear."
From an article on "Bullies at the Bar":—
We regret to say that, in our edition, Mr. Serjeant Snubbin omitted to put his client in the witness-box, and consequently Mr. Serjeant Buzfuz never had a chance of showing what he could do with him. |
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