  A man who purchased sandwiches at a railway restaurant and afterwards threw them into the road was fined five shillings at Grimsby Police Court last week. His explanation—that he did not know they might injure the road—was not accepted by the Court. We cannot help thinking that too much fuss has been made about trying to stop Messrs. Ramsay Macdonald and Jowett from leaving England. So far as we can gather they did not threaten to return to this country afterwards. A North of England man, obviously wishing to appear unusual, still persists in the stupid story that he did not hear the Messines explosion. We can think of no finer example of the humility of true greatness than King Constantine's decision to abdicate. There were forty thousand fewer paupers in 1916 than in 1915, according to figures recently published. The difference is accounted for by the number of revue-writers who have resumed their agricultural occupations. In a small town in Australia, says a news item, over two tons of mice were killed in two days. For some unknown reason, which perhaps the Censor can explain, the name of the cat is withheld. "Eliminate the middleman," demands a contemporary. It might prove a simpler affair, after all, than the present system of suppressing the inner man. Mr. Ginnell, M.P., is responsible for the statement that "bringing an action against the police in Ireland is like bringing one against Satan in hell." The chief obstacle in the latter case is of course the total absence of learned counsel in that locality. The Kaiser, it appears, has lost no time in commiserating with his troops on their magnificent victory at Messines. The title which Mr. John Hassall wrote under one of his sketches suggested the words for a song which has now been written. It is only fair to the artist to say that he was not aware that his quite innocent title would lead to this. The National Service staff at St. Ermin's Hotel, Westminster, has been reduced by half. It is now expected that the unemployed half will volunteer for National Service. Berlin announces that all through-lines in Germany are running. The case of the Hindenburg Line seems to be infectious. "No cheese," says The Evening News, "has quite the bite of Cheddar." At the same time, unless it wags its tail to show that it is friendly, we feel that every cheese with a bite like that would be much safer if muzzled. Triplets were born in Manchester last week. The father is going on as well as can be expected. Complaint has been made by a member of the Hounslow Burial Committee of courting couples occupying seats in the cemetery. The killjoy! We can only suppose it was the hot weather that tempted a newsagent correspondent to ask whether Lord Northcliffe had gone to America on "sail or return." Mr. Balfour, we are told, while staying at Washington, visited eleven public buildings and interviewed nine representative Americans on one day. There is some talk of his being elected an honorary American. We wish to deny the foolish rumour that when he arrived in London from his American tour and was asked if he had had a good voyage, he remarked, "Sure thing, sonny. All the little Mister Congressmen gathered around, and it suited your Uncle Dudley very nicely and some more. Yep!" An old lady was recently fined two pounds for putting out crumbs for birds. Had the bread-crumbs been put outside, instead of inside, the birds, no offence, it seems, would have been committed. Newspapers in Germany may now be sold only to subscribers for one month or more. A similar measure for England is opposed on the ground that it would be most inadvisable to check the practice at present in vogue among patriotic supporters of the Coalition Government of buying The Morning Post and The Daily News on alternate days. Bobbing for eels is being pursued with much enthusiasm on the Norfolk Broads. Two-bobbing for haddocks in Kensington is sport enough for most of us. Large numbers of the German prisoners taken at Messines wore new boots and new uniforms. Other improvements included a less ragged rendering of the well-known recitation, "Kamerad!" Asked what bait could be used for coarse fish, the late Food-Controller suggested one "made from bran, with a limited quantity of oatmeal." The correspondent has now written to inquire whether the fish have been officially informed of the new diet. Four shillings a hundredweight is being paid for old omnibus tickets, but there are still a few people who use these vehicles for pleasure, without any motive of gain. Yes, but what's the point of whitewashing the tree trunks? Visitor. "Yes, but what's the point of whitewashing the tree trunks?" Amateur Gardener. "I can't say for certain; but I think the idea is to keep the bats from knocking their heads in the dark." Suspended Animation.
He must have told the recruiting-officer that he was subject to cataract. |
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