[What would happen if we modelled our business affairs on the Yellow Book, Blue Book, White Book, Orange Book and Grey Book]

1.From Alfred Midgely, Office Manager, to James Henry Bullivant (Managing Director of Bullivants, Limited, Drysalters), temporarily abroad.

I hear from an absolutely trustworthy source that our town traveller, Mr. Herbert Blenkins, is thinking of giving notice. I have the honour to suggest that this merits the immediate attention of Your Excellency.

2.From J. H. B. to A. M.

Blenkins cannot be allowed to leave at this juncture. You should make a dÉmarche towards the Office Boy, endeavour to ascertain from him whether pourparlers might not be opened with the Senior Typist in the direction of her using her influence with the Book-keeper to learn whether Blenkins' purpose is in the nature of an ultimatum or a ballon d'essai.

3.From A. M. to J. H. B.

Mr. Blenkins has presented his note. I have the honour to enclose a copy. The Office Boy is absent for a few days attending the obsequies of his grandmother. I have telegraphed to his home in the sense of your despatch. No reply has come, and I have the honour to await Your Excellency's further orders.

4.From J. H. B. to A. M.

It is imperative that there should be no delay in this matter. You should obtain the address of the office-boy's grandfather, and call upon him to learn whether he will agree to exert his grandparental influence in the direction already outlined.

5.From J. H. B. to Uncle Edward, Brother Theodore and Cousin Bob, co-Directors.

I enclose copies of correspondence relative to the Blenkins' crisis, which is rapidly assuming a gravity which I cannot affect to view with indifference. I beg you to proceed immediately to Midgely, and support his endeavours with the united weight of your diplomatic abilities.

6.From A. M. to J. H. B.

I learn from a sure source that the Office-Boy's grandmother has already died three times. The grandfather is alleged to be non compos mentis. Mr. Blenkins is mobilising his office papers. This is highly significant.

7.From A. M. to J. H. B.

Further to my despatch of this morning, I have the honour to report that Mr. Robert Bullivant suggests that we should offer Mr. Blenkins another twenty pounds a year and have done with it. Mr. Theodore Bullivant is firmly opposed to any diplomatic weakness at this juncture, in view of possible demands from the Book-keeper, whom we suspect of a secret entente with Mr. Blenkins. Your Excellency's uncle demands peace at any price. Should I take the unprecedented step of making a direct approach to Mr. Blenkins?

8.From J. H. B. to A. M.

No. The resources of Diplomacy must first be exhausted. In view of the urgency of the crisis, I authorise you to pass over the Office Boy and open pourparlers with the Senior Typist with a view to obtaining a mise en demeure from Blenkins.

9.From A. M. to J. H. B.

The Senior Typist has met with a reverse from an experimental hair-dye, and will not be visible for a week.

10.From J. H. B. to A. M.

Approach the Book-keeper.

11.From A. M. to J. H. B.

I have the honour to surmise that no definite purpose will be achieved through the diplomatic channel of the Book-keeper. He states that he prefers to keep himself to himself. Mr. Blenkins has already asked for his office cuffs, and a final severance of relations is imminent. I have not yet handed him his cuffs, which I have ventured to sequestrate on the ground that they are spotted with our ink.

12.From J. H. B. to A. M.

Retain the cuffs pending diplomatic action from Mr. Theodore.

13.From J. H. B. to Brother Theodore.

I enclose copies of correspondence relative to Blenkins' attempt to claim possession of our ink-spots. If in your opinion this constitutes a casus belli, I beg you to approach him with such menaces as are not inconsistent with the continuance of diplomatic relations.

14.From T. B. to J. H. B.

In view of the gravity of the crisis, I have taken legal opinion. If the cuffs were not only spotted with our ink, but were also clipped with our scissors, then they are ipso facto and ad hoc to be considered as neutral territory within the meaning of the Statutes of International Office Law.

15.From J. H. B. to A. M.

You should immediately ascertain, through the proper channels, if and (or) when and (or) how Blenkins clipped the cuffs. In the meantime you will convey to him that we should not be disposed to view with indifference any attempt on his part to violate the frontiers of neutral territory.

16.From A. M. to J. H. B.

Blenkins has gone!

17.Chorus of the Diplomats.

The resources of Diplomacy were strained to the uttermost.