Leap Year Anticipations.—A fine spring is expected in France, Flanders and Poland. If the weather is propitious a total eclipse will be visible in Berlin and Vienna.
Asked by some American journalists where the Peace Conference would be held, Dr. Sven Hedin is reported to have said, "Peace will be dictated from Berlin." And so say all of us!
Relations between Potsdam and Sofia are said to be badly strained. Three days after the Kaiser had issued his celebrated manifesto, "To my noble and heroic Serbian people," Ferdinand in the Sobranje was publicly denouncing the Serbians as obstinate, treacherous, and tyrannical. The Kaiser considers this conduct extremely tactless, and threatens, if it continues, to spell Bulgarian with a "V."
All hitherto-published explanations of the threatened German attack on the Suez Canal are hereby cancelled. The fact is that the Kaiser's fleet is increasing so rapidly that it has outgrown its present accommodation.
During the visit of Mr. Ford's Ark to Bergen the following notice was posted up at the Grand Hotel:—"All members of the Henry Ford Peace Expedition are requested to call for their laundry at the Grand Hotel, Room 408, Tuesday evening after supper. This notice supersedes the original plan to have the laundry delivered to each individual hotel." It may also explain why the members of the expedition have since washed their dirty linen in public.
Some of the pilgrims on the Oscar II. were much annoyed at the prohibition of card-playing on board. "What is the use," they asked, "of crying Pax when there are none?"
Some strait-laced Conservatives, who were a little shocked to see the announcement of "Mr. Balfour on the Film," were comforted on its being pointed out to them that Mr. Chaplin set him the example.
A ten-year-old girl's essay on "Patriotism":—"Patriotism is composed of patriots, and they are people who live in Ireland and want Mr. Redmond or other people to be King of Ireland. They are very brave, some of them, and are so called after St. Patrick, who is Ireland's private saint. The patriots who are brave make splendid soldiers. The patriots who are not brave go to America."
Lord Kitchener, who has a choice collection of old china, has lately added to it several fine specimens of Crown Derby.
So many Parliamentarians have recently requested the Treasury to stop sending them their £400 a year that a slight change in the designation of the others is suggested—P.M. (Paid Member) instead of M.P.
A soldier's letter: "Dear Sis,—You ask what I want—well, for Heaven's sake send us a barber! You never saw such heads in your life as we've got.
Lovingly, Bob.
P.S.—Failing a barber send us a box of hair-pins."
Is it true that while the Cliff Hotel at Gorleston was blazing furiously during the gale last week a zealous official went up to the unfortunate proprietor and threatened him with pains and penalties for allowing a naked light to be seen far out at sea?
We understand that since the entrance-fee was suspended and the subscription reduced, the Automobile Club has increased its membership so largely that the Committee are thinking of re-naming it the Omnibus.
A conversation in the trenches:—
Private Dougal McTavish (late of the Alberta Police): "Mon, in ma section 'tis aften fafty degrees below zero. But, bless ye, 'tis dry cold, ye'll never feel it."
L.C. Owen Tyrrell (late of Carpentaria Telegraphs): "Down-under it is usually 125 in the shade. But thin it is dry heat, you are niver sinsible of ut."
Corpl. James Brown (late Tram Conductor, Vancouver): "In B.C. we stake upon 312 to 314 rainy days in the year. But it is dry rain, it don't wet you."
In an article on the employment of women as dentists, the writer says: "A new charm has been added to the delights of dentistry." Optimist!
He also says that one lady "extracted 38 teeth from nine patients, and showed little signs of fatigue from it, either." But what about the nine?
We observe that Mr. Pearce, the Commonwealth Minister of Defence, fell while in his garden and broke two of his ribs, but are glad to learn that his condition is not serious. The conjunction of a rib, a garden, and a fall has in at least one previous case resulted in permanent injury.
A martyr to insomnia threatens, unless the Government stops the whistling for taxis, to let Mr. McKenna whistle for his.
Our men in the trenches are beginning to welcome the German gas-attacks. They say there is nothing like them for keeping down the rats.
Suggested motto for the controversy between the headmasters as to the publication of Public School Rolls of Honour—"Quot dominies tot santentiÆ."
THE NEW LEAF.
Fancy portrait of Prussian poet preparing to write a Hymn of Love—in case it should be wanted.
Note.
The "Wingfield House" mentioned in the article "Cases," which appeared in Punch a fortnight ago, was a purely imaginary name and had nothing to do with the Wingfield House, near Trowbridge, where a hospital has for some time been established.
Juvenile War Lord.. "'Ere! Someone else 'ave a go—I'm sick o' war. It ain't in reason ter expect a bloke ter be the Kaiser three days running!"
