"Saft marnin', Mrs. Ryan—ye're out early this marnin'."

"Ye say right, Mrs. Flanagan, I am that. Me son wint back to the Front last night, and Himself was out seein' him off at the staymer, all through the pourin' rain, the way he's not able to shtir hand or fut. I was just down to Gallagher's gettin' him some medicine."

"Ah, now! 'tis too bad that Himself is sick. Will I help yez with the bottles, Mrs. Ryan?"

"Thank yez, Ma'am, it's too kind ye are."

"And ye tell me y'r son is away agin, and him only just back! 'Tis a tarrible warr, an' there's a powerful lot av fine young fellows that'll be missing when they come back to Dublin agin."

"Ah! ye may well say that, Mrs. Flanagan. There's more than a million gone out of this disthrict alone, and there's Irishmen fightin' in all the himispheres of th' worrld. They tell me that the Irish bees in such numbers that the inimy got fair desprit an' rethreated into Siberia to get away from thim, till they met more av us comin' along from th' other ind of the worrld."

"Glory be! But isn't that wandherful?"

"Ay, 'twas the Tinth Division, so it was, the brave boys comin' back afther fightin' the Turks, bad luck to them f'r haythens! F'r didn't Lord Kitchener himself go out to see thim at the Dardnells, and ses he, 'What's the use of wastin' brave throops here? We'll lave the English to clane up the threnches,' and on that they packs the Irish off and marches thim thousands of miles intil Siberia. Ah! 'twas the dhrop thim Germins got when they came shtrugglin' along wan day and run up aginst the ould Tinth agin. There was tarrible slaughter that day, and the inimy bruk in great disorther, and is now trying to escape down the Sewers into the Canal."

"Well now, Mrs. Ryan, that's grand news ye do be tellin'. 'Tis fair wandherful how well up in it y' are. But will ye tell me now what would the English be doin' all this time? Surely ye don't mane to say that the whole av th' Army bees Irish?"

"Not at all, Mrs. Flanagan, not at all. But the fightin' rigimints is mostly Irish. Ye see, th' Army has to be fed, and the threnches has to be claned and drained, and so on, and the English does the cookin' and clanin' for the Irish. But anny fightin' that's done is done bo th' Irish rigimints, as is well known to be the best fighters in the worrld."

"But will ye tell me now, what's this I hear about making the English go into the Army be description?"

"Is ut conscription ye mane? Shure, 'tis like this. Furst of all there was inlistment be groups. Himself tould me all about it. Over there, there was no inlistin' as there was over here. Shure, in Dublin alone we have three recruitin' offices, to say nothin' of th' recruitin' thram. Ah! 'tis a fine sight to see the thram, Mrs. Flanagan, going up and down the sthreets o' Dublin, with the flags and the fine coloured posthers plasthered on ut, and divil a wan ever in ut, bekase why? there isn't a sowl lift in the city, and what is lift is bein' held back by the polis at the recruitin' office in Brunswick Sthreet. Well, as I was tellin' yez, in England there was no recruitin' like that. It got so that there was just wan recruitin' office left, as the other three had to be closed, bekase no wan came. Ye see, all the young men were down at the poorts, gettin' their tickets to Ameriky.

"'This,' ses one of the English Lords—a felly be the name o' Derby—'this,' ses he, 'is tarrible. If the inimy hears o' this, all the Irish in the worrld and in Ameriky won't save us.'

"So he gets out a scheme—he's a tarrible ould schemer is that wan—whereby, ye see, ivery man in England was to inlist to sarve when he was called up, and they were to be made up intil groups, an' the married men was to be put intil the lasht group. The advantage o' that was that it intimidated th' inimy, bekase a man looks more whin he is called a group. Thin the ould schemer arranged that these groups should get armlets, somethin' like a sling, so, whin a man was called up in a group, he could show the sling he was wearin' and he'd be put intil a later group. Ah! 'twas a grand scheme! Ye see, the limit of militry age bees now forthy-wan, and supposing there was a million men in ivery group (and I was tould there was more) that was forthy-wan million!"

"Glory be to God, Mrs. Ryan, but that's a tarrible number!"

"Ye say right, Mrs. Flanagan. But look you here, ivery time a group was called up and the men was put back intil a later group, it made more men for the later groups, until, ye see, whin they called up the lasht group there 'd be forthy-wan times as many men at the ind as at the beginnin'. That was the scheme for puttin' the fear o' God intil thim Germins."

"Thin will ye tell me, Mrs. Ryan, why didn't they shtick till it?"

"'Tis harrd to explain, Mrs. Flanagan, and here we are at me door. I'll take the porther bottles, thank ye kindly, Ma'am. Well, this was the way av it. When they shtarted the recruitin' av the groups they found that 'twas too many officers they were afther gettin'. I heard there was half a million as had to be given their shtars! An' I needn't be afther tellin' ye, Mrs. Flanagan, that even with all the millions of Irish out there, there wouldn't be room for five hundred thousand officers to lead thim. Besides which every wan knows that the Irish don't want leadin'. 'Tis thim shows the way whin it comes to a charrge. An' sure, as it is, all the Ginirals, exceptin' for an odd wan or two, bees Irish!"

"Is that you, Biddy? Will yez come in out of that now?"

"Och, that's Himself now. He must be betther! Good-day to yez, Mrs. Flanagan, and many thanks to ye."

Cause and Effect.

"Peace Speakers pelted with Ochre.

The speakers on the platform had a curried consultation."—Provincial Paper.

"One may say of Kitchener's Army (at any rate of the rank and file I have acquaintance with here in Gaul) that it est omnia in duo partes divisa (with apologies to CÆsar)."

Morning Paper.

CÆsar's commentary on this would be worth reading.