In a description of Lord Kitchener's home at Broome Park we read that on the way there one passes a kind of crater known by the rustics as "Old England's Hole." And a little farther on you come to the man who got Old England out of it.
A German professor advocates the appointment of State matrimonial agents. Elderly and experienced ladies and gentlemen should be employed to bring young people together, and "unostentatiously to give them practical counsel, conveying their remarks tactfully, and in such a way as not to awaken the spirit of contradiction found in youthful minds;" paying due regard, moreover, to theories of eugenics and heredity. The Winged Boy disguised as an antique German professor makes an attractive picture.
Some anxiety was caused in America by the news that the Ford Peace party was to meet in the Zoo at the Hague. But they have all emerged safely.
The Governor of South Carolina, who was one of the members of this heroic mission, left the Hague in a great hurry and returned to America before the rest of the delegates. Much curiosity is expressed as to what the Governor of North Carolina will have to say to him on this occasion.
In spite of the Government's official discouragement of any further rise in wages a demand for an increase of no less than 33-1/3 per cent, has been made by the "knockers-up" in the Manchester district. For going round in the chill hours of the morning and wakening the workers, these blood-suckers (chiefly old men and cripples) receive at present the princely remuneration of threepence per head per week; and they have now the effrontery to ask for fourpence.
The German Government has decided to raise the charge for telegrams. Wolff's Bureau has instructed its correspondents that in order to meet this new impost the percentage of truth in its despatches must be still further diminished.
Before the opening of the Luxemburg Parliament two members of the Opposition threw the chairs belonging to Ministers out of the window. It is feared that something of the kind may be attempted at Westminster, since several Members have been observed to cast longing eyes upon the Treasury Bench.
With a view to increasing the food-supply the German Government have extended the time for shooting hares from January 16th to February 1st, and for pheasants from February 1st to March 1st. The dachshund season, we understand, will be continued for the duration of the War.
Count Kospoth, a member of the Prussian Upper House, in the course of an energetic plea for economy, remarks that "at one's country-seat one can very well do without a motor-car, and even with two to four horses in stables instead of six or eight." This was read with great satisfaction by the Berlin Hausfrau on a meatless day when the bread-card was exhausted.
The House of Commons was quite relieved when Sir George Reid took his seat. There had been some fears that he would take two.
A young woman who mistook Vine-street police station for a tavern, and was fined ten shillings for drunkenness, is reported to have expressed the opinion that there is room for improvement in the nomenclature of our public edifices.
"My grave doubt," writes a Conscientious Objector regarding his fellows, "is whether there is any reasonable chance that most of them will be able to convince a tribunal that their conscientious objection is real." It may comfort him to know that his doubt is very widely shared.
"Dear Mr. Punch," writes a soldier at the Front who has been reading the Parliamentary reports,—"Do you think an officer out here who developed 'conscientious objections' might get a week's leave?"
In the course of a debate in the Reichstag on the German Press Bureau it was revealed that the Censor had struck out quotations from Goethe as being dangerous to the State. Our man who tinkered with Kipling is wonderfully bucked by this intelligence.
Bread is the staff of life, and, in the view of certain officers in the trenches, whose opinions we cannot of course guarantee, the life of the Staff is one long loaf.
Extracted from the report of an enthusiastic company commander after a brisk action with some tribesmen on the Indian Frontier: "The men were behaving exactly as if on ceremonial parade. They laughed and talked the whole time...." We seem to recognise that parade.
Extract from letter from an Unconscientious Slacker.
"Dear Lord Kitchener,—I am not a good walker, which prevents my joining the Infantry. As I have no experience of horses, the Cavalry is also out of the question. The Artillery I don't care for on account of the noise, and flying makes me giddy. The A.S.C. does not appeal to me, and the R.A.M.C. would entail some very unpleasant duties.
"So you had better not worry about me. Perhaps when the fine weather comes I may think about the Navy. I am rather keen on boating...."
"We have from the first declared that should the voluntary system fail to supply the men needed to win the war and who could be spared from civil war we would accept and support it."
Manchester Guardian.
Unfortunately, to judge by the proceedings at the Labour Conference, the claims of civil war are very heavy.
This paragraph from "Town Topics" in The Liverpool Echo—
"We know that many of our men—especially the single ones, judging by the Derby figures—are sheltering behind skirts"—
helps to explain this one:—
"Several lady tram-conductors in the city declare they are denied the common courtesies far more by women passengers of the female gender than by men."
The insistence upon the sex of the uncivil females is necessary to distinguish them from the male civilians.
"Furnished house (small) wanted in Edinburgh; with ballroom, h. & c."—Scotsman.
Hot for the chaperons and cold for the dancers.
