  Sir Edward Grey is to accompany the King on his visit to Paris in April next. Nobody will grudge the Foreign Minister this little treat, which he has thoroughly well earned. According to The Express the South African police discovered an elaborate plot for kidnapping all the Ministers as a preliminary to declaring a Labour Republic. In Labour circles, however, it is declared that the scheme was drawn up for a joke. To this the South African Government will no doubt retort that the kidnapping of the Labour leaders was also a joke—and so the whole matter will end in genial laughter. Speaking at Toronto, ex-President Taft stated that the world would have been much worse off without England. We believe that this is so. Without England there might have been no American nation to speak of. Sir Edward Grey remarked at Manchester that at "the time when we built the first Dreadnoughts Dreadnoughts were in the air." So our backwardness in naval aviation is no new thing. An attempt is to be made to raise thirteen French warships which were sunk when the English and Dutch fleets routed the French off Cape La Hogue. It is feared in nervous quarters that this may be used by the Germans as an excuse for further increasing their fleet. Although it is frequently stated that our army is fit to cope with the army of any Foreign Power it is evident that the War Office itself is not quite satisfied, and reforms are instituted from time to time. For instance last week it was officially announced that the title of Deputy-Adjutant-General, Royal Marines, had been altered to Adjutant-General, Royal Marines. "Arising out of" Kid Lewis's victory last week over Paul Til, it is the opinion among a good many Germans that the French Government, being determined that the Entente should not be imperilled, decided to send over a French boxer whom an Englishman could defeat. Letchworth Garden City is now considered large enough to possess its own police court, and the Herts County Council has sanctioned its erection. Four Letchworth residents have been made J.P.'s, and it is now up to the residue to supply sufficient criminals to make the venture a success. Last week, in the City of London Court, a man was ordered to pay £15 damages and costs for pouring a basin of thick ox-tail soup over another man. We are glad that this action has been held to be illegal, as thick ox-tail is such nasty sticky stuff. Meanwhile what the law is as to clear soup is a point which still remains to be tested. According to figures published in our bright little contemporary, Fire, property amounting to £359,875 was destroyed by fire in Great Britain during the past year. This seems to us more than enough, but it is not easy to satisfy a militant suffragette. Mr. "Mark Allerton" has suggested that London ought to have a special golf course for beginners. If it could be arranged for spectators to be admitted at a moderate charge we believe this might become one of the most successful places of amusement in the Metropolis. A suggestion that school children shall be taken to museums, as a reward for good school work, has been made by Lord Sudeley. This is scarcely a new idea. We remember that when we were at school there was a feeling that the very good boys ought to be in a museum. We have been favoured with the sight of a letter from a money-lender, in which the following remarkable passage occurs:—"The above terms are for short periods, to be repaid as mutually agreed upon before the advance is made." The italics are ours, but the proleptic idea is a happy invention of the author himself.
We are sorry not to oblige our contemporary, but advancing years have taken something from our resiliency. Another Impending Apology.
Even "to-day" is too difficult for our contemporary. "Potatoes, Potateos."
We don't care for the second helping.
You should hear us gargle in German. The Editor of Punch has reproved his Dramatic Critic for referring to It, in The Darling of the Gods, as "a precocious babe." He is assured that Mr. Burtie, who plays this neutral part, "has seen some five-and-twenty summers, and has advanced intellectual views about most things." Mr. Punch's Dramatic Critic has been instructed to "give him double bowing" by way of deferential compensation. |
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