"No bally fear!

I won't be a peer;

I've given my bond,"

Says Sir Alfred Mond;

"But it won't make me scunner

If they elevate Brunner."

"A belted earldom's far beyond

My poor deserts: it must be Mond.

He's so distinguished, such a stunner

In every sort of way," says Brunner.

"As a thorough-going democrat

I always travel steerage;

I'd sooner eat my Sunday hat

Than take a nasty Peerage;

Such sops the snobbish crowd may soothe,

But not yours truly, Handel Booth."

"As a simple Knight

I'm quite all right,

But to make me a peer

Would be rather queer;

It might also disturb

Sir George," says Sir Herb.

"This time you've backed the winning horse,

I'm bound to be a Duke, of course;

But wait and see—the slightest hitch

Might altogether queer my pitch;

So mum's the word," says Little Tich.

"The rumours of Our elevation

Are totally without foundation.

On peerages We turn Our backs,

Signed with Our seal,

Revue-King Max."

"He that on frippery sets his heart

May purchase titles such as Bart.;

These garish gauds my spirit spurns,

I'm greater as I am," says Burns.

"Yon tale aboot ma Coronet

Is comin' off, but not juist yet;

Aw'm haudin' oot for somethin' smarter,

For choice the Thistle or the Garter;

Whichever ribbon is the broader

A'll tak wi' joy," says Harry Lauder.